Why really smart people have a tough time dating

21

I have a mini-confession to make: I wrote the Tao of Dating books specifically for really smart people (both women and men).  The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus, as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, wallowed in them as a student.

Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes — only now with fewer single people around living in the same building and sharing meals with them every day.  So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1000 times worse once they’re expelled from the warm womb of alma mater.

From my observations, the following dating challenges are common to most smart people.  In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you’re going to have in your dating life.

On the one hand, this makes no sense.  Smart people can figure stuff out, right?  And this dating stuff should be simple!

On the other hand, it makes total sense.  For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up (or a computer).  So whether you went (or should have gone) to the likes of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Stanford, Columbia, Cornell, Swarthmore, Amherst, Dartmouth, Brown, Oxford, Cambridge, Berkeley, Penn, Caltech, Duke, read on:

1) Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up.

Smart kids usually come from smart families.  And smart families are usually achievement-oriented.  Bring me home those straight A’s, son.  Get into those top colleges, daughter. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Be ‘well-rounded.’

Well, you’re a talented little bugger.  Of course you should develop those talents. At the same time, there’s an opportunity cost associated with achievement.  Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things — like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human.

The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college — congratulations! — and then continue doing even more of what you were doing before.  Dating is at best another extracurricular, #6 or #7 down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton.

I’ve been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided (which sounds so much better than ‘socially awkward’, don’t you think?).  All they need is a little tune-up, or a proper dating textbook to get them going — plus a little practice.

Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate.  And if you’re frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void.  Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades.  I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven’t figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being.

It’s because they’ve been going at it the wrong way.  Which brings us to…

2) Smart people feel that they’re entitled to love because of their achievements.

For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly meritocratic universe: if they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don’t work hard, they still get good results).  Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.

So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way.  Right?  The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me.  Right?  Please say I’m right, because I’ve spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I’m going to be really bummed if you tell me it’s not going to get me laid.

Well, I’ve collected a lot of jewelry in my time, and I’ve gotta tell ya it’s not going to get you laid, brother (or sister).  It may get you a first date, but it’s probably not going to get you a second date.  And it certainly won’t bring you lasting love and fulfillment.

Here’s the thing: your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.  And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.

In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust).  Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole book about that, boys, so that’s a story for a different day.

3) When you don’t feel like a fully-realized sexual being, you don’t act like one.

At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person.  From then on, that was your principal identity: The Smart One.  Especially if you had a sibling who was better-looking than you, in which case she (or he) was The Pretty One.

Now as a woman you could be absolutely stunning (in which case you’re both smart and pretty and everyone hates you except for me — call me!), but your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One.  So maybe you dress frumpy and don’t pay a lot of attention to your appearance.  Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman or, as a guy, your sexual aggression.

Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.  Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south.  Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you’re not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.

Part of the issue is this: when all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin.  By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being.  Deal with it.  Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already.  Use what mama amoeba gave you.

That brings us to…

4) You’re exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success.

Here’s an incontrovertible fact: every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex.  All the way back to Homo erectus.  And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm.

And you, YOU, in the year 2011 C.E., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you, Homo sapiens sapiens, not just thinking man but thinking thinking man (or woman), are the only one smart enough to SCREW THE WHOLE THING UP.

Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.

Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn’t do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened.

Turns out your DNA works the same way, too.  And maybe when you’re really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you’ve noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor.  Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so that he comes on over to say hi.

To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce.  Now quit thinking you’re smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution.  Actually, just stop thinking altogether.  As the Tao Te Ching said, “Stop thinking and solve all your problems.”  Let the program do its work.

5) By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet’s inhabitants as a dating prospect

Let’s say by ‘smart’ we mean ‘in the top 5% of the population in terms of intelligence and education’.  Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise.  And if they’re going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement.

Well, congratulations — you’ve just eliminated 95% of the world’s population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.  Now, luckily, the world’s kinda big, so the remaining 5% of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful 160 million or so people.  Even if only 1% of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that’s over a million people you can date out there.

Still, that’s less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.

At this point, you have three choices:

  • Loosen up
  • Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move to Düsseldorf OR
  • Join a monastery.

My hearty recommendation is choice A.  The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving.  No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don’t.  And love them for that.  That’s what real loving is.

Nobody’s asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company.  But do question the standards to see whether they’re serving you or you’re serving them.

When you open your heart to love, you may find fulfillment in ways you never imagined possible — like the day you tried sushi or beer in spite of your trepidation, found it surprisingly alright, and expanded your personal envelope of pleasure.  Taking that into consideration, given a choice between happy-go-lucky and picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun.

This article originally appeared on my other blog, The Tao of Dating, and then on Huffington Post in 2009. Since then, The Tao of Dating for Women has become the #1 rated dating book on Amazon. And smart boys all over the world still find The Tao of Dating for Men surprisingly useful.

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21 Comments »

  1. jseliger

    September 30, 2011 @ 12:58 pm

    1

    Heads up: there’s a typo in the header: “Why smart poeple have a tough time dating”

    Should be “people.”

    Anyway, thanks for writing the essay: I’m busy forwarding it to my friends at the moment.

  2. Fu Man Shoe

    September 30, 2011 @ 1:35 pm

    2

    Sure its tough for smarties, but love is hard no matter what demo you fall in.
    On the bright side, intimacy between geniuses is much richer. For starters, we are aware of the rarity of finding a like-minded soul and celebrate it. We are also equipped with a granularity and subtlety when expressing our emotional selves that makes communicating a pleasure.
    Having dated both down (okay, way way down) and up the intelligence ladder I find the number one thing holding 99.99 percentiles back is their lack of investment in making themselves attractive to the opposing sex. Your average Jane minors in the make-up arts but if the fashion police were ever to set foot in the Bechtel Room they would make their collars in one afternoon.

  3. Jason

    September 30, 2011 @ 6:02 pm

    3

    This is full of terrible advice. The male = masculine and female = feminine perspectives are so incredibly out of date. A little research on the concepts on gender fluidity are pretty eye opening as long as you can let yourself remember that male and feminine does not mean gay, or the same image for female.

    People have a hard time dating because they’re too busy trying to live up to mythical standards of objectification instead of learning how to be more of themselves to themselves and to the world.

  4. Zach

    September 30, 2011 @ 6:36 pm

    4

    “…Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman or, as a guy, your sexual aggression.”

    An enormous part of the problem you were trying to address is this sort of absurd, archaic, and enormously offensive strict gender binary.

    Actually, most of this article is reasonable interesting and insightful (if predictable), but you have a major credibility problem if I get to your second point and my jaw is already incredulously hanging open. I mean, come on. Seriously.

  5. Michael

    September 30, 2011 @ 7:35 pm

    5

    I can provide you with some additional data, as I am pretty much a genius, yet going on a date feels like a weird alien tradition. I’m happy to know the reason for my lack of skills though.

    I will be checking out your book. Thanks for the great post.

  6. Srashta

    October 1, 2011 @ 1:02 am

    6

    Well said! But, however recipe for a successful relationship remains a mystery.

  7. Weekend Coffee Links: Women Edition | Freedom Developers

    October 1, 2011 @ 9:05 am

    7

    […] Why smart people have a tough time dating:  Five reasons really smart people are not good at that whole dating thing. Do note the spelling error in the Title tag.  I found that amusingly ironic considering the title and subject matter. Oh…this is probably what they’re talking about. […]

  8. Salem Honey

    October 2, 2011 @ 5:24 am

    8

    Retort to this rambling excuse.

    I would say most smart people over-think situations (re: opposite or same sex / partners) and never approach. Approaches is all that matters after a certain amount of numbers and (always / eventual) rejections. Analysis paralysis.

    Confidence with women (or, opposite sex, but, for sake of content reduction in this response, let’s say men attracted to women) seems nearly completely unrelated to confidence in other area’s (sports, work, monetary, etc.) However, those other area’s of confidence can “bleed” into confidence with women via social circles, social proof, modeling other successful behavior, etc.

    Social anxiety perhaps. See above on confidence differentials.

    EG: conditioning for jiu jitsu or wrestling != conditioning from running long distance (give it try :D, you’ll die in exhaustion in 2-3 minutes)

    Smart kids usually come from smart families.
    ?
    Social pressure from family to date someone “on the level” of themselves? Why would you care if you are enjoying your time together? This is a personal problem, not your partners.

    1) Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up.

    Social anxiety / akward in social dynamics for “neglecting” the experiences of such (does not have to be college oriented.)

    So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. Right? The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Right? Please say I’m right, because I’ve spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I’m going to be really bummed if you tell me it’s not going to get me laid.

    Confidence and a sense of self, with varied interest is attractive. To everyone (even outside of sexual relationships, meaning, interesting social groups.)

    2) Smart people feel that they’re entitled to love because of their achievements.

    Anger develops this way from many men, leading to vicious cycle of being a bore, or creep :)

    Part of the issue is this: when all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Deal with it. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you.

    I think another point in the article to stop over analyzing and just “do.”

    3) When you don’t feel like a fully-realized sexual being, you don’t act like one.

    Sure…*”Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.”*

    Think less, go approach.

    Though, not allowing yourself the mindset of “I deserve a fine young women, intelligent, etc.” mean’s you may not be ready for such. Not in a way of arrogance, in a way of self reflection.

    4) You’re exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success.

    Redundant content?

    5) By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet’s inhabitants as a dating prospects

    Still, that’s less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.

    This is a bull-shit excuse to not approach someone of interest, meaning, anxiety. It is far more entertaining to approach a random woman, learning something interesting, get a number, OR, get shot down to hell. Instead of, being back to square 1 at ‘zero’ interaction. Many get stuck in that singular approach > rejection > more fear, instead of approach > rejection > approach > rejection approach > conversation / rejection > approach > number > approach > number > approach > date or two > approach > rejection > repeat (decreased amount of rejections after X approaches, confidence is contagious).

    At this point, you have three choices:

    Loosen up
    Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move to Düsseldorf OR
    *Join a monastery.
    My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don’t. And love them for that. That’s what real loving is

    Or; stop thinking, loosen up, have fun, pursue many interests, draw people into your circle of interests and meet interesting people.

    For my own “disclaimer:”
    -Social anxiety in high school, low-amount of dating
    -Went “insane” hitting on every woman in sight (attractive to me or not, it was building “skills” in rapport / flirting) for 2-3 years in my twenties, goals of short-term relationships. I ran this like a business. X amount of approaches, X amount of #’s, X amount of “dates”, X amount of engagements. It normally averaged (after a month or so of getting destroyed by shutdowns :D) 4-12 phone #’s / week, 2-3 meetings, 1-2 engagements (sex or fling).
    -Found a great gal in mid twenties. Thought it could last long-term, lasted a few years, it didn’t end up lasting.
    -More hermit like now, selective, higher “standards” of those I am interested in (in the sense of not being ridiculous with flirting with every girl around, not being snooty about it). I have fallen back into analysis paralysis TBH

    -Keys to success? Getting rejected frequently. This leads to not caring (as much) with the emotional pain that brings. Approaching constantly, with a genuine interest in that person (not canned lines, but, if you have nothing to say, try a canned response anyway)
    -Having fun
    -Gotta be social. Must be around people / groups. Can’t find “love” or multiple partners sitting at home 6x a week.

    Notice how much of this applies to advice on entrepreneurship? During my “insane” days of managing metrics driven women goals, I was also running my lil business, with the same focus of #’s leading to results in sales / production.

    Cheers.
    Comments on HN, doubt this gets traction (it’s a poor article)
    http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3057684

  9. Ali B

    October 2, 2011 @ 1:49 pm

    9

    Thanks for the feedback and the HN link, Salem! Wasn’t aware that it was on there. FYI, first published this on Huffington Post two years ago, where it got over 300,000 reads and 750 comments. Mileage varies by terrain I guess.

  10. Anastacia

    October 13, 2011 @ 4:22 pm

    10

    I totally agree with your point 5. There was a time when I was thinking very high of myself and it created for me a lot of troubles in dating. I couldn’t date men if they didn’t go to university. A bit later I understood it was a mistake and “loosened up” like you say. And guess what? Now I am happily married to somebody who didn’t go to college…

  11. Robert

    October 17, 2011 @ 4:43 pm

    11

    Apart from physical looks, attraction is also about how the person makes you feel. It is an emotional feeling that needs to be aroused by how the other party is behaving (body language, sense of humor, confidence, kino, etc). Although it can be learned and should be learned, not every smart person inherently has it. Think of attraction or seduction for that matter as having a sense of humor, not every smart person is funny or has a great sense of hummer (although, he or she can train himself/herself to become funny and have a great sense of humor)

  12. dubv

    October 18, 2011 @ 7:59 pm

    12

    I think it is nearly entirely point 5 for most people. This is anonymous, so I will be honest and risk coming off as arrogant. I’ve tested in the top 1% on every standardized test related to academics (those tests they give your class every year or two throughout grade school, SAT, ACT, GRE) and in the top 0.1% on psychologist administered IQ tests. I have a BS, MS, and PhD. I’ve never written a tuition check but went on free academic rides throughout. Frankly, a woman has to be at the very least in the top 5% of the population for me to find her very interesting from a mental standpoint. I’ve found very few women in my life who were somewhat physically attractive to me, single at the time, emotionally sound, and also very intelligent. I’ve dated a few but other issues ended it. I’m not the least bit arrogant despite how this post may sound, so that is not the problem. I do not think I am better than people, but I do know that I am far above average in this one realm (most intelligent people know this about themselves but do not say anything usually for social reason). I would change what I like in a heartbeat so that women of average intelligence flipped my switch, but I cannot do this. I’ve sometimes turned to online dating but this is no real solution.

  13. dennis

    January 6, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

    13

    how about us average guys and gals?

  14. Ali B

    January 8, 2012 @ 3:03 pm

    14

    The principles aren’t all that different, bro. Most people are just smart enough to get themselves in trouble.

  15. Jason

    February 10, 2012 @ 9:13 pm

    15

    Excuse my prose, I’m not a writer. Nevertheless, here are my 2 cents:

    I didn’t go to a US Ivy school but attended University of Toronto in Canada and specialized in subjects difficult for most university kids. Built a couple businesses and am currently applying for med school (and yes, I have read that post). I started dating in high school and did a bunch in uni. Although this became boring as solving Hardy-Weinberg problems for me due to the cyclical nature of the process, probably because of my above average ADD tendencies.

    So as I ponder what to do about relationships, I have decided that I want a partner that would fulfill me for the long term (the easiest way of finding an ideal mate is pointing out all the qualities I want in them and then developing those in myself – because you’re a fucking hypocrite if you don’t). Now many would like this, but its the stereotype of having a shitty partner for the long term that scares them. As I’m sure many would gladly take Angelina Jo Lie’s hand in marriage if Brad ever offered – Mmmmmm – sorry its the ADD.

    While on my quest to become the Buddha during meditation, I dispelled that myth and decided what it would take for the long term. But before I reveal this secret worth over $1000, which I only charge my customers $29.99, I’m going to share it with you for free right (THAT’s RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY FREE!) after this short intermission on the odds against us.

    I’m currently 23, she’s 22. I will be attending medical school and she will be entering the MD/PhD program within a year if we both get accepted. We can be apart for at least 4 years and possibly up to 8 years. Now if you took a course in statistics, you’re probably calculating our odds and surprised by that they’re lower than winning the lottery. If you didn’t take a stats course you probably just used common sense and realized this is just stupid. But that’s based on your subjective experience which probably consists of pessimism disguised as realism. Well for absolutely zero dollars, here’s why the two of us will make it.

    Because even while long distance, the conversation keeps going. And that’s it, if you want a successful relationship you need to ensure the conversation continues. No, this is not some esoteric advice you will find a yogi preaching in the Mahabharata or from Ringo Starr while on LSD. This is a basic fact to any sort of relationship with any person. If you wish for the relation to stay strong, the conversation must continue.

    Now I should probably add a couple tenets to this rule as clever people have a tendency to manipulate things for the worst because it seems to satisfy their narcissistic tendencies.

    1. Don’t satisfy your narcissistic tendencies in a relationship. In fact in any relationship. Its only useful if you’re in the entertainment business because people like watching narcissists, not being with them. The ego is a common problem across the board as it is sufficient for thinking you are smart, but beware, it is not even the slightest bit necessary for actually being smart. If you learn to squash your ego then you will foster positive relationships with friends, family, random flings, and even your future love.

    2. When I say conversation, I’m referring to honest communication. Not brutally honest you emotionally-unintelligent biological-stunting probability-thinking clown shoe. Just honest. There’s nothing that will make a person feel more naked than being honest with them. This includes pointing out their weaknesses they may try to hide, and letting them point out your weaknesses. If you really want to make yourself look good, become comfortable pointing out your own weak points, just like how people enjoy comparing the number of languages they speak with another person for no better reason than ego satisfaction. The benefit of this is that you’ll seem down to Earth and human – which are qualities constantly in demand.

    Consider these examples as there are probably more ways to get around the simple saying. Instead I’ll just forewarn you, if you wish to abuse this you will eventually suffer emotionally. And for those who think emotions are stupid, just remind yourself that you are stupid. Just like your body odor, regardless of how much you don’t like it, only until you admit it can it then resolve itself. (Kindly again excuse my ADD tendency)

    For those who can grasp honest communication they will eventually realize something. Emotions won’t overtake you and turn you into some weak punk, but empathy will develop. As you go through this difficult subject matter, you will prove your brain capable of comprehending more than just numbers and letters, but also emotions. Now is your opportunity Spartan – err, Einstein – and strike with all your God-blessed intelligence to help that person find resolve with their troubles. And now we’re building a relationship. It is only when a synergy forms and both parties can build each other up that you will actually care for each other. Giving and growing – the proud sponsors of the human advantage.

    In no time, there will be no shitty trades like sex for dinner, and you two will have bomb sex (even if you’re both, or only one of you are amateurs) and a lot of fun in your relationship. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking: Fo’ real homie? Well let me tell you something: Ya dog, like seriously, i’m straight up like fo’ reaaal ’bout dis. Basically if you can’t confide in your woman, she’s not your woman. And if you can confide in her and she’s can’t reciprocate then you need to do one of the two:

    a) Display your confidence by explaining to her what she honestly lacks, but not brutally (you’re not trying to be sued for verbal abuse). And if you’re going to do so, be sure to follow through with how you want to guide them through it. This will work with anyone serious about a commitment, because continued growth and a want to give are why you two (or three, or four, or five – I don’t like to discriminate polygamists) will work in the long run. For growth this includes intellectual, emotional, physical, sexual, ethical, and spiritual aspects, because everyone considers these personally throughout life, to varying degrees of depth. If you want the bonding to be deep, nail the aspects that the other person discusses least because those are the zones where they are least comfortable. If you build their confidence here then you will bond strong.

    If you are type who wishes Niccolo Machiavelli was your adviser to the throne, then you will manipulate this weakness in others and you will identify your character as a mischievous cunt. But it gets worse, if that person speaks about you to others then cuntness will become associated with your reputation. Otherwise, go on strip down and take a dive son. You really do got nothing to loose, as long as you remember, people can only be as confident in you as you are in yourself.

    b) If you don’t want to do this, then you need to drop that person after fun time is over cause you don’t have what it takes for the Hail Mary of relationship plays. Just continue being like those people you perceive as losers because they have no work ethic in life – hopeless.

    Now apparently this is a pretty hard skill for many to follow as most try-hards in life and even natural geniuses have developed the instinct of lying (or bending the truth as your euphemism may prefer) instead of admitting fault when wrong to save face. Since rejection discriminates against the weak hearted, don’t try and fool yourself with your awards (or lack of) if your weak game fails. Hence the importance of squashing the ego.

    Ali has already provided you all the reasons why to have a relationship and copulate, from the biological and Taoist perspective. Hopefully this provides a little more depth on the how. If you still wish not to, don’t worry, to those who are ignorant of the lesson, it will continue to present itself until you learn it.

    To end my eulogy on a somber note, just remember that on your death bed only then will many realize the lacking loyalty of all the material you acquired (just look at all the greedy old people who spent their lives trying to come to terms with their folly so they give it all away, in exchange for a few nice words on a plaque). For the only thing you will cherish will be doing what you enjoy and the loyalty from the successful relationships you had. So go on, hop on into the deep end, the conversations are warmer over here.

  16. Wickedjulia

    June 15, 2012 @ 9:33 pm

    16

    Absolutely hilarious and so accurate it’s painful to read.

  17. Sean

    November 28, 2012 @ 9:28 pm

    17

    This would have been a more convincing article had the writer bothered to study “actual” smart people as apposed to hundreds of rich type A students.

  18. Ali B

    December 8, 2012 @ 2:47 am

    18

    Sean – where would you suggest I find this cohort? And how would you measure this ‘actual smartness’ you speak of? The answer is hardly trivial.

  19. Safe Dating

    January 28, 2013 @ 5:10 pm

    19

    Ok – Stop thinking and Solve all your problems
    Love: – You get back what you give
    Fulfillment: – A step beyond Sushi and Beer

    No wonder this book is No 1 on Amazon. I love it already!

  20. Willa Audrey

    May 12, 2013 @ 7:29 am

    20

    The Tao of dating is more than a dating book. This book is like the positive big brother reminding you how wonderful you are. It is a philosophy that allows you to improve all relationships. It is a step by step guide to reframing your thought processes. It is a guide to fullfillment. A must read for any woman, single or not.

  21. Marry

    February 9, 2014 @ 11:00 am

    21

    Great article it teach us how time is most important during dating And great book i want to rate this book 10 out of 10 Thanks

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