Okay, I watch too much television. In doing so, I watch too many commercials. They’re almost all horrible and some even worse. The times when “event shows” used to stimulate great commercials is over (we can only cling to nostalgic memories of the Bud Bowl). Since it’s presumably the same marketing teams and advertising agencies as the non event shows, just thrown more money and maybe more time, it’s not surprising.
There are a few trends that I find particularly baffling and difficult to watch. The first is the soulless business world trend. There’s so many of these I can’t keep track. There’s one for Kyocera Mita printers and copiers that really bugs me. Echh, just thinking about it. It shows the CEO of some generic company standing in front of a large room of employees, announcing “I have an announcement that’s going to make a lot of you very happy. We’re getting brand new printers and copiers from a company called Kyocera!” The room lights up with excitement like they all just won the lottery (there’s no attempt at humor in this one, it’s in earnest). What’s worse, the CEO has planted certain employees in the crowd to stand up on his cue and say why it’s particularly exciting that it’s Kyocera. CEO: “Tell them why, Andy” Andy, standing and holding a sign to the same effect: “They’re People Friendly!” This goes on with two or three pathetic employees. And each time they stand up with their signs they get a rousing round of applause from their colleagues (and I’m pretty sure “oohs” and “aahs”). I don’t know why this is necessary since the room is sufficiently excited at the CEO’s first announcement (maybe they have really old printers and copiers). Anyway, the amount of personal and professional joy from these hundreds of employees proposed to come from their CEO ordering Kyocera equipment is plain depressing even in a commercial. Also, Kyocera Mita couldn’t be a more annoying name to repeat ten times in a commercial.
There’s another one, meant to be funny, for Scottish Bank of Scotland (or something like that; update: Royal Bank of Scotland, that’s it), where a group of business colleagues are sitting around at lunch when one of them starts choking. Instead of administering the heimlich, the rest of the table coldly discusses what the heimlich is and how it’s pronounced. Another suited businessman from another table gets up, delivers the heimlich, and the choker spits up his chicken leg (I’m guessing) onto his surprised colleague’s lap. The idea, of course, is that the “good” businessman, representing the Bank of Scotland, acts while many businesspeople (Americans?) just talk. Besides being disgusting to watch and listen to (most of the sound is the guy gagging), and regardless of whether or not it’s funny (I can’t imagine thinking so), even the hero is a disturbingly emotionless automotan. Apparently this commercial is also offensive to Christianity. There’s a similar ad — can’t remember what it’s for, some investment company — also in a restaurant (looks like the same one), promoting the company’s perfectionism. It does this by having a drop of syrup drip on the table in the middle of the conversation. The guy at the head of the table stands up and yanks the whole tablecloth off and, everyone automatically lifting their utensils and dishes, he puts in a new tablecloth. Besides being absoultely the wrong message — who wants freaks for investment advisors? — the businesspeople again are just soulless Stepford suits.
There is a plague of commercial spots and campaigns as derivitive as their characters that use the same image of businesspeople: lots of IBM ones where robotic businesspeople are given a lesson by civilians in the rules of business; another one (maybe also IBM) where soulless employees are on a retreat on a dock and push off their tech guy into the water, as far as I can figure just because he wears glasses. All the commercials seem to set the mood with bad musack and muted tones of gray, cream, tan and dark blue.
I don’t work in an office. Maybe offices and businesspeople are soulless Stepford automotans. Tom Norris cites the Kyocera commercial as epitomizing why he quit his job. The reliance on the motif, either way, is really annoying.
Related, there’s an excruciating New York Times commercial for home delivery. It’s a pretentious, high-powered family of three, a graying businessy father, a hot-to-trot slick business mother about ten years his junior, and a grating know-it-all daughter about 12. The 12 year old has a quasi-suit and glasses on, and explains reading the NYT let’s her know what’s happening on the web. Yeah, the New York Times is really up on that. They report on trends about three years after they happen. I think this week’s Style section noted that Sex and the City is really catching on. The point is, this commercial intellectual cutout of the 12 year old girl is on her way to getting ostracized at school and going into therapy five days a week.
Gene, you don’t watch TV so this will have been meaningless to you.
