Rachel & I were very grateful to have received some wonderful gifts
at our wedding, and we will be starting the storied process of writing
thank-you notes over the next few weeks, inshallah. Most people were aware that we had designated the Harvard Square Homeless Shelter as the near-exclusive “registry,”
on the principle that we didn’t really need all that much. Many people
did so, and we are excited that to date, our friends and family have
donated well over $2,000 to the shelter. (They are seeking $200K for
significant kitchen renovation, and every dollar helps!).
We did also receive very nice gift checks from several individuals
for which we are very grateful. Several of these were sent to us with
the explicit instruction to donate the amount to the shelter. Several,
however, were not, and some came from individuals who had separately
donated to the shelter directly.
It is equally true today as it was a year ago when we made the
decision about the charity registry that we are not in serious need of
any particular household items — not any more so than any couple ever
has, at any rate. We were also fortunate that the wedding was entirely
paid for by Rachel’s parents, so we do not need the money to cover any
wedding debts.
My questions to our readership (all 5 of you!) are:
- Would people who gave us cash gifts feel offended or slighted if we donated that amount to the shelter?
- If not, should we donate some or all of the amount to the
shelter, for the same reasons as we had decided to designate the
shelter as our charity to begin with?
I know it’s probably gauche to discuss these questions publicly, but.
It’s your money to do with as you like. We gave direct to donation as requested, but if I had given you cash I would expect that you and your wife would decide together how you would like to use that money. This is team Anderkoo time!
The definition of the word gift (or one of them, taken from dictionary.com):
1. Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation.
A gift cannot be conditional by definition. Regardless of whether the money came with an already included donation… the money was still a gift to you. If it was a gift with a condition that you cannot use it for one use or another then it is not a true gift. I don’t think anyone has that intention. If they donated and gave you cash then that just means that they hope you will not use your gift for something so selfless it doesn’t mean you have to.
So will they feel slighted? Maybe. I guess it’s that same charitable nature that told you to donate the money that makes you not want to offend anyone. So where does this leave you? With the realization that you can’t please everyone….
Well… Don’t ask me for advice b/c I’ll just say to keep it and use it as a little nest egg… you may want to buy something some day for yourselves, like a car, house, business, etc… So, while I agree with the slick gift givers who are attempting to change your focus in the name of your own sake I say that it’s your money do what the fuck pleases you!!!!
Sorry about cursing on your page.
I’m back.
Look at Toe playing the definition game! A natural! How did that tender legal mind escape? Toe – there’s an office down the hall just waiting for you.
Yeah, do with it want you want, but don’t buy a pony.
The Good usability Site
Super nice forum Two couples this and blogs.law.harvard.edu
. 🙂 I love it.
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