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I’m a good citizen in most situations:

  • I stop at red lights, even when no one is around for miles.
  • I pick up trash from the playground, and abstain from littering.
  • I don’t peek on tests, cheat at my taxes, or park illegally, and when I do, pay the ticket promptly.
  • Sometimes I nauseate myself with my good behavior.

However there is one area of my life where I am insufferably self-serving and undemocratic. It is at the soup line in the cafeteria. I am the person who scoops up all the chicken from the pot and pours it into my little cup. I’m the one who siphons the interesting pasta from the mix, leaving everyone else the mushy celery; and you do not want to know what I do with beef stew. So I’m warning you, don’t ever get behind me in the soup line. I’m not a very nice person.

And there is no hope for rehabilitation. I’ve been doing this for years. Each time I approach the arena of temptation, I tell myself ,”this time you’re going to be ‘good’, this time you’ll share nicely with the other people.” And each time I viciously appropriate huge amounts of the best soup stuff for my own.

I’m not proud to admit it, but at least by telling the truth, others are forewarned.