Walking the brink…

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As an update on my life, the Fall semester is almost over. It’s been a bumpy ride. I’ve contended with many differences, both with others and with myself, but I’ve managed to keep going. I’m fighting the good fight and trying to keep myself above board and strong but who knows what will happen. I’ve been all the way from alive and kicking to depressed and struggling. Sometimes I wish God would give me a little more encouragement. I feel like the world around me is just not in sync with my goals and my heart is hurting because well, I don’t know if I have the capabilities to be someone great. My mom said to keep pushing but hey, when you’re on the brink of failure what good does it do to keep pushing?

I came here three years ago with the intent on finishing my degree. I’m close to that goal. I want to succeed and make it but I guess I just need to roll up my sleeves and make it happen. Well, thanks for reading my blog. if anyone has any suggestions on how to keep motivated and happy please let me know.  Next semester I’m going to take:

1.) Contemporary Newsworthy Topics in the Sciences

2.) History and Ethics of Biotechnology

3.) Biology: Intro to Evolutionary and Developmental Biology

The Economy, my future, and woes of the heart

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The economy is bad. I’m tattering on the brink of depression. I strive to walk the line of excellence. I have to gain back my mmph. I feel ever since I received those bad grades well, I’ve just lost the stamina I once had. I’ve fell into a pit and it’s hard to get out of and I wish I could scream and just let go of the eery feeling inside that’s stalking my heart. I miss my grandfather’s ear where I could just express my thoughts and he would listen. Sometimes, I feel like no one would understand the gravity of challenge I face but I always come back to remembering: it could always be worse.

   I have people who are older who criticize me and tell me oh “you’re not going to make it big” or “you may not have what it takes” just because I’m not from some royal family with tons of money or because I don’t know people but… I have risen and I will still survive. I cry because I fail at Chemistry but hey, this is Harvard not some podunk school which is used to lowering the level expected. I’m fighting to fulfill a dream which many have failed at before me and which some never may have the chance to achieve or attempt to accomplish.

   I’m now the ALB liaison and I find that I have to be a beacon and work for other’s needs and wherein I have t clearly define my own. What do I want or need in life? What is the importance of my life? I starkly look into the mirror only to feel the tears softly falling down my cheek. I remember coming here three long years ago with an eye towards becoming someone great. Sure, I’ve grown. But to put things into perspective I’ve also wasted a ot of time and resouces. I’ve blown through some money… but I mean I am almost done with my degree at Harvard so I guess it has taught me a lot.

   I wish i could ramble on and on the feelings I’m feeling but somehow I have this feeling to just keep trying and keep knocking at the door, someone will notice. Sometimes, I just wish I could get  alittle bit of an easier plate. I guess, though, that I should be thankful for the many things i do have… sometimes i just wish I didn’t expect so much out of myself.

Continuing on in Chemistry

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Well, Chemistry has been destroying me. I’m going to continue and press on though. I really want to succeed. I’m skimming the line though…. but I will make it. I’m going to be everything God wants me to be. I will make it. I will not quit and I will not give up.

I’m also now the ALB Liaison to Harvard Extension and will serve on the Executive board of HESA. I hope that I will be able to represent those people well. it’s a dream come true for me. I hope I will do them proud.

My strengths are determination, hope, dealing with people, and being a good role model. I don’t quit even if it’s tough…I find a way to slog through. I need to look at the positives. I have a chemistry test tommorow… I emailed my professor and well, I will lay all this in God’s hands and just do my part and try to do as best I can. God willing, I will make it.

Struggling to Keep focus…

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I’m struggling in school, life, and throughout my entire existence. I’m questioning my choices, ability to succeed, and general value to the world. I have more than myself to think about now but moreso I have to starkly look at what I’m capable of and understand that if I want this I’m going to have to push life never before.

I’ll fill out more later.

Chemistry, Biology, and my new girlfriend

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Lately, things have been both challenging and looking up for me. I’ve been struggling through Chemistry although the chapter today about the gases isn’t so bad and difficultas the previous ones about titration, etc. I think I bombed the last test though. Sitting here wondering whether I belong or whether I can handle this workload is the most challenging thing for me. I need to actually assess my abilities. I guess they say persistance is the key.

As for Biology, it’s a lot of chemistry involved which really isn’t too tough but some of the concepts are riddled with math like the delta G and it’s effect on substrate affinity and the enzymes effect on the activation energy needed to catalyze a reaction. That stuff is somewhat tough. I still have to find a rythm to focusing and getting myself in gear. My mom would be proud though… despite my grades i am sticking it out and trying to push myself to succeed.

I do have a girlfriend, a sweet little pumpkin haha, and she’s wonderful. She likes science too and is going to try to get into the ALB program also. I think it will be exciting 🙂

Update-FosterYourFuture

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I’ve started building the foundational principles portion and the content of the website. I’ve developed some new goals for myself and I’m moving on up. I’m taking College Algebra over this Fall, Comparative Religious Ethics, and probably General Chemistry at Harvard. Well, I’ll update more soon!

Designing ‘Foster Your Future’

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I’m working on designing a new website dedicated to success in life marketed for a lot of different outreach programs including, but not limited to, Foster Care, Education, and Advice/Professional Networking Topics.

I’ll post the website soon. I’ve already registered it and developing some new ideas to incorporate journal articles as well as soliciting articles from professional sources.

CSPAN Moot Court

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In a highly interesting Moot Court televised on CSPAN, Charles Ogletree, of Harvard, and a Stanford Dean competed in a case centered around Admissions practices in 2013. The case revolved around the use of DNA as a means to objectively define race and using this objective means, a University of Kentucky applicant was defined as being under a certain established percentage which defined that person as being African American but lived and grew up as one. This applicant was likewise not included in the protected class and was not admitted to the University not only based on this matter but based primarily on one of many factors including the applicant’s race. Subsequently the case dealt with the issue of an objective description of affirmative action using purely objective DNA sampling and its constitutionality in using it as admission into a protected class of applicants in the admissions process.

Check it out!

http://www.cspan.org/homepage.asp?Cat=S … veDays=100

I will add my paper on 18th century racial division below for you to read. Its called: Racial Sentiments in the 19th Century: Critical Antagonists of Democratic Equality

It’s not the greatest of quality but I wanted to express my views.

My paper link

First Post

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I’ll be using this blog as an outlet for not only my professional interests but also to review different topics that may be relevant to my life and/or academic persuits.

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