(Note: all these Japan posts are really late. I scribbled this one down in a notebook on our flight from Japan to Hong Kong 6/25/08)

So the other night, the Kroks finally had the chance to have dinner with our sponsor in Japan. Her name is Madame Matsuda, a tiny 80+ year old Japanese woman who looks 60 and acts 40. Throughout the year, I’ve heard quite a number of stories about her, and our meeting certainly was not a disappointment.

One of my favorite things about her is her rule of “one table, one discuss” that was more or less strictly enforced. She quickly disrupted any conversation around her with a bang on the table only when they threatened to be more interesting than hers. Too bad the Kroks and her guests were spread throughout three different tables.

Some highlights of the night included her retelling of her career as a singer and ballet dancer. She proved the latter with an awkwardly amusing slow dance with her fellow ballet dancer, Dan. The entire time, Dan was mouthing “Scribe! Scribe!”

Even more amusing was her encounter with Ralph Nader, during which Madame Matsuda reveals why she is constantly smoking. Indeed, the entire night, I did not see her without a cigarette in hand, where it remained slightly burning and largely unsmoked. Chris and Nikhil were well equipped with lighers, ready to light a new cigarette after she finished holding a slightly shorter one. By the end of the night, her ash tray was filled with a dozen unsmoked cigarettes. Though she only pretended to be a heavy smoker, she still managed to acquire the decrepit voice of one.

Right, back to the story. So Madame Matsuda and Ralph Nader were casually conversing when Ralphie asked (of course, imagine this being said by a deep coarse voice), “Madame Matsuda, you’re such a classy woman. Why do you smoke?” To which, she enigmatically replies, “I smoke for my health!”
She continued, “You see, if I don’t smoke, I eat! And when I eat, I get fat! Now tell me, Ralph Nader, which is better? Smoke? or Fat?!”
Her guests answered for Ralphie like a bored junior high class with a low, monotonous, “Smoooke.” I suppose we all like going to Japan.