Homesick

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Last week, I had a depressing blog about my experiences with the (unavoidable?) demon popularly termed Sophomore Slump. BUT! I’m back a week later to uplift your spirits, happily reporting that this week has taken a turn back to happy norms – or as happy as possible in the gloomy presence of midterms and deadlines. Although the workload conditions haven’t altered much, the difference is that I’m not hating existence and my professors are once again able to heighten my intrigue with binary numbers and Aspartic catalysts, can I get a WOOT WOOT?

I pinpointed the root of my slumpish nature as my anxiety revolving around my summer plans and the big possibility of not being immersed in the love of the people I spent my first 18 years of life with; the alternative would be a cultural and/or scientific immersion. So the moral of the story is: I’m a brat. Clearly, I don’t have much to say on this topic because it happens so rarely ….… but having rough weeks is actually a great experience because I wouldn’t appreciate the good as much if it were good all the time.

There were two prominent things that helped me cope with my disaster week – one of them being my upperclassman house, Mather! (You can’t say it without an exclamation mark!) As I’ve said in previous posts, I’ve been feeling pretty stagnant with regards to my Spanish learning curve which has catalyzed my desire to study abroad. But since I’m a 20 year old brat who still gets homesick, I’d never be able to stick it out as a foreigner for a semester, so I’d ideally like to go somewhere this summer where I can think, speak, live, breathe and blink Spanish. My resident tutor (freshmen here call it proctor, but it’s more widely known as RA: Resident Adviser, basically someone older/wiser who lives in the dorm and repels chaos) and current Spanish 50 class TF (Teaching Fellow) holds a “Spanish Table” every Wednesday during dinner time and last Wednesday was my first (but definitely not last) partake. Spanish Table gives students a chance to have a meal over Spanish conversation. All levels are welcomed and encouraged. The atmosphere is really chill and not intimidating at all! Thinking and speaking Spanish outside of the classroom, in a casual setting, really refueled my excitement about the possibilities of going abroad! Southern California, I’ll thank you endlessly for literally being one of the most influential factors for shaping who I am – from the way I dress, think and speak – but I’ll be okay if we don’t see much of each other this summer.

Studying at a college so far away from home and with seemingly endless possibilities has really made me feel like a globalized person – or maybe just a country-ized person? I’ll earn the term “globalized” if I do indeed go abroad this summer (I’m typing with my fingers crossed here). Harvard offers a plethora of opportunities I never thought existed and recently, its international opportunities have really caught my eye. Everything from Harvard offered programs to non-Harvard programs (campus organizations like OCS: Office of Career Services will work with you to apply and even transfer credit!) to professors who offer to connect you with organizations such as WHO: World Health Organization (my Bioethics professor, Dr. Daniel Wikler, offered to do so!) is just so extraordinarily unbelievable that I can’t wrap half my mind around it. Living and thriving in an environment with massive opportunity, filled with driven people is truly a humbling experience, which brings me back to the second thing that helped me during my disaster week: talking with my best friend from home.

It’s strange how, for me at least, the beginning of college came concomitant with living in a split dimension: your high school life vs. your college life. It’s easy to get caught up in your busy college life, but during sophomore slump weeks, you just want to escape and I accomplished that by catching up with my besties from middle/high school.

I’m pretty confident when I claim that the Sophomore Slump has been a nationwide epidemic because a handful of both friends from home and Harvard have had rough weeks recently. (I partially blame pre-Spring Break Fever) So my best friend from high school, Emily, and I were retrospectively examining our lives (some pretty profound stuff if I dare say so myself) and she mentioned how college is an incredibly humbling experience in the realm of grades which help you realize how smart you are not. I wholeheartedly agreed as I thought about all my premed classes and how students legitimately earn A’s without the curve – snaps AND kudos to everyone because one form of encouragement wouldn’t be enough. This makes it really easy for the majority of students to feel stupid and unworthy, but I’d like to point out that these two things are mutually exclusive. I’m not sure if that makes things better, BUT at least it’s true! I’d like to remedy this situation by telling myself (and you!) that college isn’t all about the grades – it’s about the experiences too. When I look back at college, I won’t remember the 100% I got on my organic chemistry final (not based on a true story), but what will indeed stand out is that time my roommates and I watched scary movie trailers all night for no reason.

My take-home message would be to relax! I feel like 149% of the prospective students I come into contact with (their parents representing the extra 49%) expect that Harvard students are the definition of perfection and that our records/transcripts/etc. should have their own exhibition in the Smithsonian, BUT this is so wrong! Your imperfections shape you just as much as your more admirable qualities and admissions officers realize that you, buddy, are a package deal. Harvard students have their fair share of imperfections and rough weeks – and that’s perfectly fine.

 

Preemptively striking, Housing Day – the epic day that freshmen find out which upperclassmen house they’ll be residing in for their remaining years as an undergraduate – is in just one week! See for yourself why Mather! can’t be said, but only exclaimed!

*props to Scott for helping me share Mather! Love

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Last week, I had the worst week ever. Ever. Capital E.

I’m definitely being as dramatic as:

Probably true at every university…

 

And yes, I’ve jumped on the meme-bandwagon. In fact, many of my thoughts occur in a series of flashing Push it somewhere else Patrick and Keanu Reeves Conspiracy memes and I think I’m hilarious.

 

It all started Valentine’s Day when my intake of chocolate wasn’t nearly high enough, ultimately pushing my prolonged cold into a seemingly perpetual flu.(Direct cause and effect here people.) I know I’m premed, but this just means I’m perfectly fine being surrounded by sick people. However, I’m the worst sick person ever. Being physically ill never fails to catalyze a concomitant homesickness which manifested itself when my mom called me and the kindness and concern in her voice mobilized streamlining tears. Poor mother – she just wanted to know if I needed anything from Costco … I wonder if it’s too late to ask for a churro…

I’ll be 21 in 10 months (but who’s counting?!) and all I want (besides a crunchy Costco churro) is to sit around with my sister and tease my parents. I literally hadn’t been this congested, exhausted, and homesick since the December of my freshman year. As I was trying to analytically pinpoint the reasons behind my sophomore slumpin’ week, I thought about some of the summer applications I had recently submitted. These first few weeks of the spring semester are always hectically spent researching and applying for summer plans/jobs/internships, etc. Although it may be difficult at times to navigate resources, having too many resources is one of the best problems to have. Thank goodness for the Office of Career Services for centralizing summer resources! What I would LOVE and be SO LUCKY to do this summer is intern in a Spanish speaking country and pretend that I’m suave for 8 weeks. As I slowly conceptualized the thought of being in a foreign country on my own for two months, I realized this would be time spent not soaking up California sunshine and loving.

I think much of this week’s past emotional turmoil stems from the fact that I’m growing up and as time swiftly passes by, San Diego is becoming more of my past rather than my future. This freaks me out. There isn’t really a euphemism for that. Although I feel really lame for being homesick, I also feel like these feelings are a natural part of attending college so far from home. I want to discourage, however, having distance as a main factor in your college decision process! I wouldn’t trade anything for my East Coast experiences. Yet this concept of growing up genuinely excites me as much as it profoundly frightens me. I don’t know what will happen this summer and I may be internally panicking for absolutely no reason. It’s easy for me to say that I can’t wait for summer but it’s even easier for me to retract that statement after what I realized last Saturday.

As I was finalizing some last details of my Alternative Spring Break Trip to New York City (sponsored by Phillips Brooks House Association, PBHA), I realized that Spring Break is literally right around the corner which means that the spring semester is over! I know this sounds insane (rightfully so!) but once freshmen “block” (gather a group of up to 8 friends who they’ll live in the same upperclassman house with for their remaining time as undergraduates), Housing Day (the epic day freshman blocking groups receive their upperclassman house) happens, Spring Break happens, exams happen, and summer begins!! My astonishment with the realization that spring semester is over became an unhealthy obsession which soon stopped Monday night when my friend had to pull out his laptop during dinner to prove to me that the spring semester is definitely not over nor close to being over.

All in all, I’m really glad to be reporting that my sophomore year progression is slowly regaining its uphill momentum as my immunity system restores itself as well. In an attempt to respectfully avoid any more slumpin’, I strive to REM cycle more and pset (do problem sets/homework) earlier, but more importantly live in the present.

Today was a day of epic proportions – my first of three organic chemistry midterms is over! After going to TF (teaching fellow) and PSL (peer student leader) office hours and reviewing lectures over the long weekend, I actually felt prepared. I also spent the majority of tonight rewarding myself with cookies and the fabulous Mather House also had a movie night showing a classic: Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan … your face smells like peppermint.

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Halloween! One of my favorite holidays! Not only are you able to stock up on a ton of candy, you have the chance to dress up and be anything you want to be for a day. I remember when my Brother and I were Power Rangers for Halloween- the Zeo kind, oh yeahhh. I was the Red Ranger, he was the Gold Ranger and we even got some of those $1 Spring Valley Swap Meet plastic ninja swords (do they still have those?) to go with it. We were pretty much invincible. Those were good times.

As I started to reminisce about all of these memories, I realized that this past Halloween was the first one I celebrated outside of the United States. And now that Halloween is over, it means that the Holiday Season is here… Yet, I am so far away from home that the “Holiday Season” doesn’t even exist in the country I’m in.

I was speaking with my family recently and my Brother was telling me about the plans for Thanksgiving when I, all of a sudden, said, “Wait, can we do this too?” I don’t know how I forgot I was across the globe but I guess I got so into the conversation that I felt as if I was a part of the plans. My question surprised me but I didn’t think much of it. I’ve been away from home for so long that missing an event or celebration doesn’t hit me as hard as it used to. I’ve come to realize that one of the best parts about family is that you’re able to grow, separate from each other, and still come back to find the same love that was there when you left.

This is what college is about too- Learning, Independence and Growth. Of course you’ll be sad the first time you leave but the more time you spend away from home, the more you learn what you love the most about it. You learn to appreciate it more and it makes coming home that much sweeter. For example, my Mom’s culinary specialty, her world-famous Chorizo con Huevo, tastes better and better each time I have a plate. No lie. I now appreciate every single last tortilla-full (because you know you can’t use utensils for that- what’s your preference, De harina or mais?)

Being away from home is always tough but don’t let it hold you back from enjoying where you currently are. If you’re going to be gone for so long, you should at least return with some cool stories to tell your family and friends right? So until I’m back in my Momma’s arms, be sure that I’ll continue to learn as much as I can about the beautiful city of Barcelona so I can come back and tell the family every last detail.

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