Lovely Weekend

Entirely lovely for many reasons, including a fully functional kitchen door.

People in Mass. have a hard time dealing with snow. Almost nobody here shovels their sidewalks. People shovel snow into each other’s driveways and onto each other’s cars. It’s almost funny. But my purpose is darker today…

Once they’ve shoveled out a spot for their car, people here will leave some piece of furniture in the spot when they drive away, to keep others from parking in “their” spot. I regard the shoddy shoveling with amused condescension — after all, it doesn’t snow here that much and practice makes perfect — but this curb-furniture thing is morally appalling to me. That shit is not how we do it where I come from, let me tell you!

I do try to respect the local customs. But I can’t stop the ninja fantasies of dressing all in white, making my rounds of the neighborhood at night. Scattering those chairs, tossing those tables, exultantly heaving away the bad selfish vibes. An apostle of midwestern virtue to the Bostonians, Jesus knocking over the money-changers’ tables in the temple. Except camouflaged, and at night, so nobody beats me up.

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