Archive for October 15th, 2003

Win-Win Proposition



Full of testosterone, the Dowbrigade is ready to pen some muscular
prose. Tight, sinewy sentences. Overpowering analysis, penetrating argument,
and seductive logic. I am hot to expose whatever dirty secrets the
objects of my poisoned pen are hiding. Overcome by an overpowering
urge to violate some norms, I cast around for an object on which to
my emotions, a base villain to lay low before my righteous ire, an
innocent to deflower…

Whoa, Nellie.  Let’s not get carried away by this
testosterone malarkey. We are still a rational, civilized Eastern college
professor-type intellectual.  Self-control.  Mind
over matter. Simple as that.

So what to blog? Let me gaze into the crystal ball
of my aggregator and see what pops up….Ah, here’s one, a case with
both educational
and legal RAMifications…

Compromise Lifts Ban On Cheerleader Uniforms In Class

Students Didn’t Meet Dress Code

The Berwick Area School District board decided to allow cheerleaders
to wear their uniforms to class on football game days even though some
have skirts too short to meet the school dress-code.

The dress code requires that girls wear skirts with hems at or below
their fingertips when they hold their arms at their sides. The cheerleaders’
uniforms did not meet the code and were banned from the school’s hallways.

from NBC

Hmmmm, obviously I’m still not to be trusted at the
keyboard. Perhaps I should wait until my hormones are back in balance.
I like the picture, especially the "Win-Win" sign on the wall of the
gym in the background.

I dare not say more. Stay tuned….

New York State Rudeway


In the spirit of dumping on New York, let me submit these customer complaint
forms smuggled over the border from the New York State Thruway Authority
Bunker. Not being one to throw fuel on a bonfire (unless it is New York
Strip burning at the steak), Dowbrigade was forever scarred at the tender
age of 17 after being arrested for hitchhiking (and possession) on the
Thruway after one of those cretinous tolltakers called the State Police
on him.

Here is a sample from the latest round of complaints:


Of course, my overweening loathing of all things New Yorkesque is
due to the imminent defeat of my beloved Red Sox at the hands of the
New York Junkies in the ALCS playoffs. Once again, defeat is our inevitable
harvest of autumn bitterness, as we all know it is impossible that the
Sox win two in a row at Junkie Stadium.  Even if we outplay the
bastards, the hometown officials are sure to swing the decision to New
York.  After all, it isn’t called the Umpire State for nothing.

from Smoking Gun


Compassionate Fascism at Work


With two recent international "interventions" and constant
speculation on where Uncle Sam’s heavy bootprint will fall next, many
people (including Dowbrigade) have been wondering exactly what were the
criteria by which my Government decides when the time is right for one
of these helpful interventions.

Why Iraq and not Iran? Why Afghanistan and not Pakistan?

Well, Vice
President Dick Cheney
has cleared things up, and
the whole world can breath a sigh of relief. Cheney on Friday declared
that this President will not tolerate weapons of mass destruction in
the hands of dictators.

I guess dictators who DON’T have WMDs are OK, or at least tolerable.
However, given the availability of modern scientific know-how (thanks Google!)
there is no country in the world which would have any trouble of whipping
up a batch of deadly pathogens on short notice. Why, any self-respecting
nation-state will surely have a few canisters in cold storage somewhere,
just in case.

In fact, most adequately equipped high school science labs could take
out thousands of innocent bystanders, if used improperly. The only thing
stopping potential perpetrators is the eternal vigilance of the forces
of order. So if the GOVERNMENT decides it wants some of the nasties, it
is absolutely no problem.

Inexorable logic leads us to the conclusion that since every country
(except Iraq, apparently) has SOME WMDs, or at the very least could produce
some on short notice, any and every Dictator (who by definition is in
charge of a country, no?) has them. Therefore, the current US regime
has committed to knocking off each and every dictator in the world!

So rejoice, oppressed people of the world. The Yankees are coming! It’s
just a matter of lining up the ducks in the shooting gallery, squeezing
a few more billion out of Congress, and getting our asses over there.
Lets get started by taking a headcount. All you Dictators out there,
could you please raise your hands?

Cheney story from CBS

Mother Teresa – The Rock Opera


(Reuters) – A clapping chorus line of swaying nuns and a rock-and-roll
Mother Teresa took Rome by storm this week in a musical to coincide with
her beatification, the last step before sainthood.

The arrival of "Mother Teresa the Musical" is one of a series
of events being held ahead of her beatification by Pope John Paul on
October 19, six years after she died.

I dream, I hope, I pray for you," the sprightly Teresa character
sings to dancing members of the chorus representing the sick and destitute
in the upbeat

from Reuters