Archive for November 7th, 2003

New Dartmouth Mascot Has Fans Rolling in the Aisles

3

Recently
introduced at the recent Dartmouth Homecoming football game, "Keggy
the Kegger" was an instant hit. The anthropomorphic beer keg was fully
functional for a time, according to eyewitnesses in the crowd.

"We
tried to come up with a mascot that wasn’t racist, biased or sexist,
yet entirely unacceptable," Nic Duquette ’04 said.

from the
Dartmouth
(America’s Oldest College Newspaper)

Updated Religious Calendar

2

Some interesting developments on the Dowbrigade
Religion Project
. Like all fledgling movements it is meeting with
some skepticism and resistance from the major players in the God game,
but hopefully
faith, fervor and fantasy will win out in the end. Meanwhile, the project
continues to develop.

We are honored to announce the immanent ascention of
Denis
Moser
, an exemplary FactMeister and winner of the Third
Reich Wine Hunt
, as the first and foremost Archbishop Extraordinaire.
Said staid position infers upon its holder absolutely no responsibility
or reward
other than smug satisfaction and possible Federal and State tax exemptions,
depending on solicitations currently before the American Council of Religions.

In addition, one of our early projects has been to update the antiquated
weekly calendar which has been in common use since the Roman times.Talk
about overdue for an upgrade! Most great religious movements, like the
Gregorians for example, take a stab
at rewriting the Calendar.  What better way to get people marching
to your beat? Well, we have updated the whole weekday paradigm by integrating
it with the bleeding edge world of corporate sponsorship.

We are currently in negotiation with a number of forward-looking corporate
entities for 10-year contracts (DecaDays) for naming rights to the Days
of the Week.  Although we have not nailed down all of the exact
dollar amounts, here is the provisional lineup as it stands now. Of course,
these selections are subject to change as better offers flood in. Basically, this is what all new calendars would look like:

SunDay
Microsoft Monday
Texaco
Tuesday

Westing-
house

Wednesday

TimeWarner
Thursday
Federated
Department
Store Friday
SaturnDay
1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Finally, in terms of our evolving Dogma, the Dowbrigade has concluded that
the true power and mystery of religion resides in the SEARCH for Truth,
rather than in any abstract Truth Itself, which, if it indeed exists,
probably cannot be comprehended by Mortal Man.

Therefore most of what we plan to do on the religion front is speculate
and investigate the really Big Questions, like "Why are we here?" and
"Can we trust the Universe?" and "Why is no food Blue, except Blueberries,
which really aren’t?" Stay tuned..

Goodbye to Shady Pines

ø

As we old
fogies approach muddle age, our thoughts turn to how we are planning
to spend our "golden years".  Specifically, how to avoid
getting farmed out to pasture by self-serving relatives tired of hearing
our sorry stories over and over and having to change our ™Depends.

My shadowy college roomate, who is appearantly once again on the loose,
writes with his own plan for avoiding the trip to Shady Pines.

"With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00,
there IS a better way when we get old & feeble.

I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined
long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That
leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service
if I feel lazy.

2.Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming
pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. My local Holiday
Inn even has free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and
soap. They treat you like a customer, not a feeble meal ticket/punching
bag.

$25 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help
you. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap
bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people,call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change
of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants
there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise the cash
keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take
your reservation today. And – you are not stuck in one place forever
– you can move from Inn to Inn or even from city to city. Want to see
Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.
They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
checks to see if you are ok. If you are not OK, they will call the undertaker
or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip on their property, medicare
will pay for the
hip, and Holiday Inn’s insurance will upgrade you to a suite for the
rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be happy to
see you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids
can use the pool.

What more can you ask for?"

Thanks for a great idea, Brian!

ComputerUser Magazine Article on RSS

ø

ComputerUsed magazine has an extensive article on RSS and blogging notable more for its mere existence than for insight or new information. At least the word is getting around, although Aggregation needs to be experienced to be appreciated…

“One of the reasons RSS is catching on is the rise of blogs. As they proliferate, and do they ever, it becomes more difficult to find, visit, and keep up with the stream of monological consciousness; that’s about the most generous way I can describe blogs. What RSS brings to the stream (more like a tsunami) is the ability to sign on only with blogs that interest you, and then sort through the updated entries. Many people now using RSS got into it through blogs that offer it.

(This explains, in part, my ignorance of RSS, since I’ve haven’t gotten on board with the idea of wading through the personalized maunderings of amateur commentators when I have enough trouble keeping up with the edited and published thoughts of professional writers and journalists. Ah, well; I may yet learn and RSS may help.)”

from
ComputerUser through
WebblogEd