Goodbye to Shady Pines


As we old
fogies approach muddle age, our thoughts turn to how we are planning
to spend our "golden years".  Specifically, how to avoid
getting farmed out to pasture by self-serving relatives tired of hearing
our sorry stories over and over and having to change our ™Depends.

My shadowy college roomate, who is appearantly once again on the loose,
writes with his own plan for avoiding the trip to Shady Pines.

"With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00,
there IS a better way when we get old & feeble.

I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined
long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. That
leaves $138.77 a day for:

1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service
if I feel lazy.

2.Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming
pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. My local Holiday
Inn even has free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and
soap. They treat you like a customer, not a feeble meal ticket/punching

$25 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help
you. There is city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The Handicap
bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people,call a Church bus on Sundays. For a change
of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants
there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise the cash
keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take
your reservation today. And – you are not stuck in one place forever
– you can move from Inn to Inn or even from city to city. Want to see
Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.
They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
checks to see if you are ok. If you are not OK, they will call the undertaker
or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip on their property, medicare
will pay for the
hip, and Holiday Inn’s insurance will upgrade you to a suite for the
rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be happy to
see you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids
can use the pool.

What more can you ask for?"

Thanks for a great idea, Brian!

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