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 We
have been a happy household at the Dowbrigade lately, the lovely Norma
Yvonne has finally been granted a Green Card. Its seems that at last,
after six years of marriage, five-and-a-half years after our initial
Green Card interview, after six sets of fingerprints (they expire every
year, who knew?), dozens of days lost to endless lines and wooden-bench
waits, recalcitrant clerks and misplaced portfolios, the Department of
Homeland Security, currently In Loco Parentis for the Bureau of Citizenship
and Immigration Services, has finally come through, although only after
our feisty Immigration Lawyer threatened the agency with the dreaded
Writ of Mandamus.
Yes, fans, the Dowbrigade, thorough his legal counsel, a somewhat shady
shyster found working the rejected riff-raff outside the Tip O’Neill
Federal Building, and against good sense and sober advice, threatened
to sue the Federal Government for
neglectful inaction on his case. And it worked! Two weeks later
the unofficial notification arrived, and the Senora Dowbrigade was able
to get a stamp in her passport declaring her a legal US resident and
allowing her to leave the country and visit her family for the first
time in three years.
So far be it from the Dowbrigade, at this stage of the game, to criticize
the DHS. For us, the Bureau is now a paragon of American efficiency
and thoughtful, caring paternalism. So yesterday, when the official-looking
envelope arrived addressed to my wife, bearing the return address of
the Department of Homeland Security as well as ominous inscriptions like
"Official Business" and "Return Service Requested" I was not worried. I
have every confidence in my government. However, considering the possibility
that it contained time-sensitive material ("Should you not appear in
person to claim your Green Card within 14 days of this notification,
it will be rescinded and you must begin the application process again."),
we opened the envelope, although as a sensitive and PC spouse we do not
usually open Norma Yvonne’s mail.
It was a beautiful official certificate, printed on high-quality bond
paper, with a high relief lithographic seal reading "The United States
of America" and entitled: Notice of Action. The action they
were notifying us of was the "Creation of Record of Lawful Permanent
Residence"
This work of bureaucratic art, aka Form I 797 (Rev. 09/07/93) N, is
a real American original, to be cherished and saved as an important and
official record of one of the milestones on the path to US Citizenship. The
Dowbrigade suspects this one will be framed and stored safely with the
family heirlooms like the Marriage and Baptism Certificates. After all,
receiving your official notice of the "Creation of Record of Lawful
Permanent Residence" only happens one in your life. Or so
I thought.
Today’s mail, recently retrieved, brought THREE MORE letters from the
Department of Homeland Security. This unprecedented attention did
create a moment of panic. Has the government changed their mind?
Did they discover my radical past as an SDS organizer? Do they have a
series of new hoops we must jump through to grab the brass ring of citizenship?
Image my relief to discover that nothing much has changed. The
three new letters contained three additional, identical copies of Form
I 797 (Rev. 09/07/93) N; all four were originals, not copies, and all
made out identically to Norma Yvonne. Four perfect, pristine copies
of this unique government document. Welcome to the United States
and congratulations on your permanent resident status.
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