Like almost everything else, cold is relative. Every fall, at the beginning of the semester, as soon as the temperature drops below 60 F, the Brazilian and Saudi students start to complain of the cold. But on the coldest January days, temps in the single digits, the Russians are running around outside in their shirt sleeves, asking where the best spots are nearby for ice fishing (the Dowbrigade happens to know the answer. Here is a quick primer on what is likely to happen at a given temperature:
60 – Brazilians and Saudis put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50 – Miami and Caracas residents turn on the heat
45 – New England natives go to outdoor concerts
40 – You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 – Italian cars don’t start
32- Water freezes
Beer goes down easy
30 – You start planning your vacation to Australia
25 – Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 – Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 – French cars don’t start
Pets and small children insist on sleeping in your bed with you
10 – You need jumper cables to get the car going
Dowbrigade is willing to pay 10 cents extra to avoid pumping his own gas
5 – American cars don’t start
0 -Russians put on T-shirts
-10 German cars don’t start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
-20 Pets insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don’t start
-25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Football players put on long sleeves
-30 You plan a two week hot bath
Swedish cars don’t start
-40 Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Russians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50 Congressional hot air freezes
Russians close the bathroom window
-80 Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Patriots Fans order hot cocoa at the game
-90 Politicians put their hands in their own pockets
This is too funny! LOL!
In the 20s: Bloggers go for dim sum. Wisconsin residents set up their ice fishing shacks.