Archive for January 15th, 2004

Al-gebra Cult Zombifies Nation’s Youth

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At New York’s Kennedy airport today, an individual
later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying
to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, an official said he believes the man
is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged
by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", he said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents
in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and
refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with
coordinates in every country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft
declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, he said "If God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given
us more fingers and toes."

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that
it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing
to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love
to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," he said, adding: "Under
the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point,
and draw the line."

He warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential
to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen
unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in
random facts of vertex."

He said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here
is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply,
their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks…."

From UtterlyBoring (thanks
Jay)

Hobbit Chic Invades Italian Fashion

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Italian fashion label Etro unveiled its own
little and large show in Milan yesterday as two hirsute models hit the
catwalk to show off its latest collection.

Sporting checked suits, the models looked more like they had stepped off
the set of a Lord of the Rings film than the glamour fashion houses of
Milan.

The Etro label was created in the 1960s and is characterized by a Paisley
motif, which is its hallmark.

from thisislondon.com via
Drudge

Get Lucky – Try the Funky Monkey

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How long before the Democratic primary race degenrates to the point
where the press in grilling the candidates on the underlying question
of the day – boxers or breifs? Here’s a good solution for the caring
candidate who wants to corner the Asian demographic, and garner a little
good luck at the same time.  Hey, it can’t hurt!

Note to Norma Yvonne: Only a week left ’til Chinese New Year, and your
ever-loving hubby can use all the luck he can get this year…….

SINGAPORE (AP) – Women in Singapore are buying their husbands special
Lunar New Year briefs, hoping to bring them good fortune and increase
their sexual potency.

Women are also buying themselves "Funky Monkey" panties specially
designed for the year of the monkey, featuring smiling cartoon primates.
The Lunar New Year begins on Jan. 22 and is celebrated by the Chinese
diaspora around the globe.

But the most popular style is bright red briefs for men featuring Chinese
characters for wealth and prosperity, said Jeannette Cheong, owner
of the underwear store ButtOn Trendy Undies.

from the AP

Looking Good – King of the Bunless Burgers

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The low-carb Atkins diet has really hit the mainstream.  The delicious-looking
offering pictured above is the newest item in the Burger King menu –
a Whopper, hold the bun. Hope it works out better for them than for the
Dowbrigade, who has gotten into trouble in the past for bun holding…..

CHICAGO (AP) – It has come to this in America: Burgers are losing their
buns. Some of them, at least. Burger King’s rollout of breadless Whoppers
this week is a nod to the low-carb craze that’s sweeping the nation –
and the latest evidence that the burger wars are taking a turn for the
healthy.

Smaller chains Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. dumped the bread from some hamburgers
last month, going lettuce-wrapped instead, and TGI Friday’s restaurant
has started serving a bunless cheeseburger, too.

McDonald’s and Wendy’s, the other two largest burger purveyors, aren’t
biting on bunless for now. Spokesmen for both those chains, which have
added entree salads and taken other steps to assuage customers’ diet
concerns, said Wednesday they have no plans to include bunless burgers
on their menus.

from the AP

Beware the Citizen Blogger

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There has been a lot of discussion around the ‘Sphere (at least the corner of it that the Dowbrigade inhabits) about the idea of “Citizen Blogger” or “Citizen Journalist”. The expressions seem to have struck a chord, to express something essential about what we are doing here, but we have yet to read a succinct definition of the concept.

A daunting task, defining a concept. However, the Dowbrigade is not easily daunted, so we’ll give it a shot. The word “Citizen” came into Middle English from Anglo-French in the 14th century, related to the root cit