Archive for January 21st, 2004

Gratuitous Disco Dean Soundclip

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Ok, well, it had to be done. Here’s a song Philip Barlow made using Apple’s GarageBand and Howard Dean’s defining moment / primal scream of last night: howarddean.mp3 (about 350k).

from Barlow Farms via Andrew G.

Homeland Security Unveils Freedom Trail Jail

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BOSTON
–The Department of Homeland Security’s plan to hold detainees in cells
in a new office building along the historic Freedom Trail, in the neighborhood
that saw the first major fighting of the American Revolution, has residents
here preparing to wage their own battle.

The federal government has signed a 10-year, $1.2 million per year lease
with developers of a new building in downtown Charlestown, an area best
known as the site of the Bunker Hill Monument, the home port of the USS
Constitution, and starting point for Paul Revere’s historic ride.

Neighbors say they were promised by developers that the office building
would be filled with retail and professional office space – not holding
rooms for potentially dangerous federal detainees awaiting deportation.

from the
Herald Tribune

Bone Phone Bypasses Eardrums

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No,
it doesn’t read your mind, just bypasses the eardrums by transfering the
call through bone vibrations!

Japanese telecom carriers,
pioneers of internet-capable and picture-snapping
handsets,
have now come up with the world’s first mobile phone that
enables users to listen to calls inside their heads – by conducting
sound through bone.

The TS41 handset, manufactured by electronics firm Sanyo, was put on
sale by the Tu-Ka mobile phone group this month, drawing healthy demand
from
customers who want to hear calls better in busy streets and other noisy
places.

The new phone is equipped with a "Sonic Speaker" which transmits
sounds through vibrations that move from the skull to the cochlea in the
inner ear, instead of relying on the usual method of sound hitting the
outer eardrum.

from smh.com.au

The Rules According to Guys

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We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here
are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note…these
are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer
you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as snack foods, the shotgun formation, or other women.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping

 

adapted from RobertWade.com

Lets Hope This Catches On

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Norma Yvonne Declares Self "Double Boss" of Dowbrigade and Dowbrigade
News

Regular readers may notice a significant upgrade in the content and
aestetics of the Dowbrigade News, due to the fact that the wife of the
managing editor, rejecting a figurehead role as a "blogging widow," has
finally decided to take matters into her own hands and exert
her considerable influence as the Boss of not only the Dowbrigade himself,
but of the Dowbrigade News as well.

In a related vein, Dr. Judith Steinberg has declared herself the "Double
Boss" of candidate Howard Dean and the Dean campaign, and has immediately
ordered her husband to "chill out, calm down and get rid of the garbage"
which appearantly has been piling up since Dr. Dean left the family home
in Vermont to hit the campaign train two months ago.

MONROVIA, Liberia Jan. 20 — The wife of the leader of Liberia’s
most powerful rebel movement announced Tuesday she was taking charge,
backed by dozens of guerrilla commanders in ousting a husband whose
ambitions she said were endangering the nation’s hard-won peace.

In a family feud with West Africa’s stability in the balance, warlord
Sekou Conneh frantically took to state radio to insist it was only
a marital squabble and he was still in command. 

But Asha Keita-Conneh declared she was the "double boss," of
her husband and the movement.

"I put him there. If you open a big business and you put your husband in
charge, if you see that things are not going the right way, you set him aside,
and
straighten things up," Keita-Conneh told The Associated Press, as her
baby daughter who she is still nursing lay beside her on a bed in the family
home.

from ABC News