A Man With a Plan, But Not a Clue

Posted on February 9, 2004 by glasscastle

Oy vey,
is it Valentine’s Day again,
so soon? For some reason Valentine’s day has never been a favorite of
the Dowbrigade. Our Personal Best in the V-Day sweepstakes was in 3rd
grade, just as the Beatles swept into the American consciousness. Perhaps
because of our fashionable bowl cut, or perhaps because it was a school
requirement, we got a Valentine from every kid in the class that year.
Since then it’s
gone
downhill
all the
way.  But
hey, who’s counting?

The Dowbrigade’s lack of understanding of the opposite sex is legendary,
and as a result our selection of Valentine presents and gestures is strictly
hit and miss. Our all-time best result came the year we bought a box
of 36 school-kids Valentines (Gummi Bears, perhaps), inscribed each one
with "I Love You" in a different language, and hid them all over the
house, in Norma Yvonne’s underwear drawer, in her jewelry case, in the
stored summer clothes, inside suitcases, in the tea bags, her hidden
candy stash, etc.

It worked great.  She was finding them for months. After a while,
we got lucky every time she found one.  For a while, those were
the ONLY times we got lucky.  Who knew? We got the idea on a drivetime
sports radio show the day before Valentine’s Day.

On the other hand, the time we tried to use a coupon to get a free Limo
pickup and ride to some fancy Italian restaurant turned into a fiasco
when we fought with the Limo driver when he demanded a tip in excess
of what a taxi would have cost, followed by a mediocre meal and a chipped
tooth. A total disaster.   Again, who knew?

Not your fearless if flummoxed correspondent, obviously. This year,
somehow we have a reprieve and an angle to play.  Norma Yvonne will
be OUT OF STATE on Valentine’s Day! In Texas, visiting a niece! Won’t
be back til Monday!

This gives us three extra days to find a suitable gift, and for two
of those days we can take advantage of AFTER-VALENTINE’S DAY SALES! We
can get all the crud nobody else wanted, at significant savings. Any
ideas?
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4 Responses to A Man With a Plan, But Not a Clue

  1. j says:
    February 10, 2004 at 12:53 pm

    Guys hate me on Valentine’s Day. I don’t like chocolate or really want candy and I think cut flowers are a waste of money. What’s left, right?

    The gifts that really frustrate me are the gifts that seem to indicate that the guy knows nothing about me.

    Once, I caught a guy I was meeting for lunch as he was standing in line at a florists holding a bouquet of pink flowers. Being the smart girl I can be sometimes, I guessed he was buying me flowers. I don’t like shades of reds and pinks and I don’t like cut flowers (we had already had those conversations, too), so I walked up behind him and politely told him not to buy me flowers, but if he insisted on buying me flowers, to at least get a bouquet that had no pinks and reds. He bought the pink bouquet and was puzzled by my frustrated reaction when he handed it to me. I subsequently learned that he either really did know or remember nothing about me or he just didn’t have the knack for giving gifts.

    I think the idea of hiding cards is wonderful. When Norma Yvonne finds one, it’s an unexpected surprise. And it’s something that lasts longer than just one day of the year. She really expects something from you for Valentine’s Day, but when she gets something the following Tuesday, a month later, and then over the summer, it’s really special.

    I can’t really give advice, though. I’m just glad I don’t have the stress of getting Valentine’s Day stuff for a woman. Some women can be so particular. Guys spend the whole day worrying about whether she’s going to like what he’s doing for her instead of focusing on love and the substantive stuff that’s essential to a relationship.

  2. Mom says:
    February 11, 2004 at 10:48 pm

    oy vey, Michael. 0other’s day will be here before you know it. Put on your thinking cap, my boy. Love, Mom

  3. Mom says:
    February 11, 2004 at 10:49 pm

    Oy vey, Michael. Mother’s day will be here before you know it. Put on your thinking cap, my boy. Love, Mom

  4. j says:
    February 12, 2004 at 6:18 pm

    As I was waking up this morning, I thought about a special Valentine’s Day gift I received one year. For months, I walked by a particular bookstore that had a really cute stuffed animal in the window. Sometimes, the guy I was dating would be with me while I admired the critter. I think it was about four years ago that he wandered into my library with an extra head sticking out of his jacket. He bought the toy and brought it to me at work. It was a really special surprise. I’m not sure exactly what made it so special, though: the look on his face when he walked in the door, the silliness of him walking around like that, the contrast of the colors of his coat and the bright red shirt on the doll, or the fact that they had similar facial expressions at the time. Maybe it’s because he really had an idea about what I liked and what would appeal to the child in me, what my heart and sense of humor would appreciate. Who knows? He knew not to buy me pink flowers, that’s for sure.

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