Dowbrigade Headlines, 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh-largest country in the world -the Republic of California

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third official language in the Republic of California

Baby conceived naturally – Scientists stumped

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Afganistan, Sryia and Lebanon

Castro finally dies at 112, Cuban cigars can now be legally imported, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all tobacco smoking anywhere

George Z. Bush announces he will oppose Clinton in ’36

US Postal Service raises price of First Class stamp to $18.75 and reduces mail delivery to once a week

Massachusetts executes last remaining Conservative

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their human rights

Average height of NBA players reaches 7 feet 11 inches – average salary now $2.3 billion

Mormon’s protest FAA requirement than only transparent “Flight Jammies” be worn on commercial flights

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 73%

2036 Superbowl to be played on Mars – Halftime show to feature Nude Figure Skating on Martian Canals

(adapted form an anonymous list posted over the copy machine at work)

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