True Love is Hard to Find

4

The Cambridge/Montreal axis of the ‘Sphere is all aflutter
over the budding romance between the Redhead,
Berkman Babe Extraordinaire, and the
inimical and irrepressible Accordion
Guy
. In these cruel and cynical times, it is refreshing to
witness love blossoming once again, against all odds and rational expectations.
Luckily the lovebirds involved seem to have fully functioning gag reflexes
and enough self-awareness to realize when they are in danger of drifting
into the grotesquely goopy zone. Thus far their public appearances have
been
strictly
"R"
rather than "X" -rated.

Which is as it should be. The Dowbrigade is frankly uncomfortable
with ostentatious public displays of affection. These
days privacy is an exceptionally precious commodity, and it seems that
anyone aspiring
to fame or thrust by fate into the public spotlight must accept an almost
constant and microscopic examination by the forces of the Fifth Estate.

Today we are all waiting with baited breath for the results of tonight’s
"Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner" dinner, as the Redhead presents her Philippino-Canadian,
Blogging, Accordian-Playing Man-About-Toronto Beau to her doting parents.  How
many questionable categories can one Suitor represent? Not to worry –
according to the ever-optimistic Accordion Guy, "Parents love me!"

We are all rooting for Amore and this star-crossed couple. Reports from
the dinner should be available sometime tonight. Even in the Blogosphere
celebrity involves a certain loss of privacy.

Which brings us, this cold and threadbare Valentine’s Day, to another,
less sanguine love story.  As reported here yesterday, after a torrid
41-year romance, America’s Sweethearts, Barbie and Ken, are calling it
quits.

News of show business breakups is hardly news at all, despite its
persistent appearance in our newspapers and other media, but sometimes
in the aftermath enterprising reporters dig deep and discover or invent
fascinating and engrossing tales of the depraved escapades which led
to the end of the relationship.

This sad, pathetic story is playing out again, as rumors of Barbie
Running Wild, gin-soaked vacations in Australia and on certain South
Sea Islands, participation in a Doll-swapping ring in an attempt to
breath a little life into their moribund relation, and a steamy sex
video involving the voluptuous 40-something articulated model and an
entire Welsh Rugby Team swirl around the respective camps.

Although we have not yet been able to get our sweaty hands on a copy
of the video, numerous still shots have started circulating on the
Internet, documenting a sick and twisted descent into perversion and
depravity, testifying once again to the seductive allure of the fast
lane and its ability to corrupt even the most wholesome of American
icons.

After
doing some research on the Net, the Dowbrigade is frankly aghast.  Who
knew? Photographic evidence of promiscuity, homosexuality, even bestiality
were everywhere! Barbie in a compromising position with with
Billy Bong, an Australian surfer, Barbie doing the nasty with GI Joe, Barbie
corrupting the adolescent Skipper, even Ken in some awful suspicious
positions himself.

We had to think long and hard before publishing these photos, but
in the end their value as authentic news and as a moral admonition
of the sins of success.  We all hope the rumors prove untrue and
Barbie and Ken kiss and make up soon.

Photos from I Love My Toys

 

4 Comments

  1. j

    February 14, 2004 @ 11:16 pm

    1

    I have to ask: how can you, who appreciates pornography so much, dislike public displays of affection, especially the x-rated kind? Isn’t that like having a porn movie start happening right in front of you? = )

  2. PICxpert

    February 18, 2004 @ 11:06 am

    2

    It should be noted that The Accordion Guy hails from Toronto – you give the impression of a Montrealer.

  3. Toni

    October 28, 2007 @ 8:00 pm

    3

    i did find true love with Josh and i love him very much! i hope that evan though its young love that we will stay together forever! I love you Josh!!!!! ♥

  4. Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst

    November 27, 2008 @ 9:04 pm

    4

    Love is all around and if we all just can learn to embrace it unconditionally, then, this planet of ours is the best place that we can live in (and it’s the only one…)