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 One
of the unique opportunities of the four year election cycle is the rare
chance it offers to see the Vice President
in action. As we know, the current Vice President is normally hard at
work defending America for her enemies from a secure and top secret undisclosed
location. So secret, in fact, that were we to somehow discover it’s
location we would be required by the Homeland Security Act to commit
the American version of Hari Kari.
So it is surprising and a bit disconcerting to see Dick
Cheney, the current VP, prancing around on stage like a rabid groundhog,
roused from his underground lair, blinking at the unaccustomed light
and hoping for six more years of nuclear winter, so he can go back underground
and get some work done. He looks stiff and unnatural in the light of day,
and rumor has it that he is on the vitamin, speed and cocaine
cocktails developed by Hitler’s personal physician to keep the master
strategist going during the later stages of the second world war. This
may work well for the short run, but prolonged use is known to cause
megalomania and paranoid psychosis, and the withdrawal is a bitch.
Appropriately enough, according to the Roswell,
New Mexico Record, VP Cheney
was hanging around town over the weekend, visiting schools and top secret
military bases. "We’re proud to be in Roswell today, because New Mexico
had a great delegation to the convention in New York, and Roswell looks
like Bush-Cheney country,"
he said to the audience, which included cheerleaders, the high school
band and many cadets from Roswell’s New Mexico Military Institute. Afterward
he was seen chatting up the Romulan ambassador.
We found it disconcerting when this thought occurred to
us, midway through Cheney’s rousing speech to the Republican National Convention:
"Who’s minding the store?" It was sort of like hurtling down a modern
expressway during a fascinating tour of a new and exciting
city, and suddenly noticing that both
the tour guide and the bus driver are standing next to your seat telling
you how wonderful the city is and how lucky you are to be along on the
tour. For a moment you are deeply appreciative, until you wonder, "Who’s
driving the bus?"
We sincerely hope that this silly election business is
over soon, and our fearless leaders can get back to what they do so well
– Dick
Cheney to running the country from his undisclosed location, and George
Bush to his Presidential prestidigitation, keeping the eyeballs occupied
with harmless blunders and photo ops while the real men do the real business
of the nation in the shady and exclusive corridors of power.
Expect John Kerry to try to become the first man to windsurf
from Cape Cod to Vietnam.
from the Roswell Register
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