Archive for November 17th, 2004

Dowbrigade Discovers Miracle Cheese

1

The
bidding is fast and furious over on eBay as we write, for the 10-year
old half-eaten cheese sandwich with the unmistakable image of the virgin
Mary on its surface.

At last count, the
bidding was up to $70,000
and still rising, after
eBay temporarily called a halt to the auction while they checked on the
authenticity of the item. Obviously, it passed mustard. Thank God that
woman noticed that there was a miraculous apparition on her sandwich
before she popped the other half into her mouth! Let it be a lesson to
us all to look more closely at our food before we blindly cram it into
our indiscriminating maws.

In fact, this American morality play inspired the Dowbrigade to go digging
through the detritus in his own refrigerator, Diana Duyser of Miami isn’t
the only one with access to 10-year-old sandwiches! As we raced to the
kitchen we were filled with an inspirational premonition; our Lord was
about to speak through our discarded dairy products!

We didn’t find any sandwiches, but wouldn’t you know it, we found something
even better! On an old wedge of Cheddar what did we find but a clear image
of The Big Cheese himself! Yes ladies and gents, there it was, clear
as day, the full face of Our Lord etched on our cheese, looking slightly
jaundiced due to the yellowish tint of the underlying medium.

If a fuzzy image of the Virgin Mary on a cheese sandwich is worth $70,000,
what must a much clearer image of God himself etched directly on the
cheese be worth? Not being of the Christian persuasion, and feeling somewhat
uncomfortable with
so
valuable
a religious
relic
on
the premises,
we
have reached the
difficult decision that we are willing to part with the Our Lord Cheese
Wedge, for the right price.  As a dedicated Blogger, we have further
decided to offer it first, and for a limited time, on the Dowbrigade
News site before exposing it to the world on eBay.

So if you want to consecrate your home with a living icon of divine
dairy intervention, send us your bid now. We personally guarantee that
the image on the cheese is actually the Lord Almighty, or at least the Permanent President
of the NRA, which to millions of gun-toting Americans is pretty much
the same thing.

story from CBC