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 In an attempt to restrain the constant search for ever
bigger, younger bodies, the NBA has proposed a 20-year-old limit for
players in the league. Jermaine O’ Neil, one of many recent professional
basketball players to go directly from high school to the NBA, immediately
spoke out against the limit.
"In
the last two or three years, the rookie of the year has a been a high
school
player.
There
were seven
high school
players
in the All-Star game, so why we even talking an age limit?" O’Neal
said on Monday. "As a black guy, you kind of think that’s the
reason why it’s coming up. You don’t hear about it in baseball or hockey."
"To say you have to be 20, 21 to get in the league, it’s unconstitutional," O’Neal
said. "If I can go to the U.S. army and fight the war at 18 why
can’t you play basketball for 48 minutes?"
Good point. It seems equal rights law would protect the athletes ability
to sell his services to any bidder unless he is already under contract.
If athletes in other sports can do so, why not basketball?
The problem, as we understand it, is that it is obvious to the professional
talent evaluators, going by body type, reflexes and basketball intelligence,
who has the potential to play in the NBA by the time the players are 17
or 18 years old. They may not be ready to play in the NBA yet,
but it is clear they will be soon.
These kids face a choice between going to some fake college for a year
or two, from which they will never graduate, having to study stuff they
will never use and hide their perks and payoffs, or, on the other hand,
signing a professional contract and becoming an instant millionaire but
riding the pine for a year or two until their skills mature.
Is it any surprise many of the most talented kids choose the pros? If
they know they are going to the NBA eventually, why waste a year or two
pretending to be a college student? These kids don’t belong in college.
The problem is they don’t belong in the NBA either.
What if there
were a third choice? What
if there were a different kind of school, where they could play top-flight
basketball, and learn the kind of stuff that they really will use
in their professional careers and personal lives?
The Dowbrigade is hereby proposing the creation of a different kind
of institution of higher education – the Professional Athletics University. At
this school ALL of
the students will be jocks. There will be strict admission standards; if
Harvard and MIT can require students with SAT’s over 700, we can require students
to have legitimate professional sports possibilities.
The East Germans pioneered this educational model back in the 60’s,
when they also did most of the seminal research behind the designer steroids
and human growth extract so popular today.
The difference is that in addition to their training and competition
in their respective sports, the athletes would take courses which actually
related to the skills they will need to be successful professional athletes,
not burn out, be a positive role model, and get the most out of their
god-given talent without mortgaging the rest of their lives.
For example, some of the courses that would be offered, taught by successful
ex-jocks, financial advisors, retired agents, coaches and active academics,
sports therapists, sports psychologists and medical doctors.
Sports contracts and the salary cap
The basic athletes economics 101; how to choose an agent, how to read
a contract, how to invest your earnings, how to maximize financial return
on talent
Staying healthy and living on the road
The difficult skills required to take care of the biological equipment
of success; how to find healthy food in a strange city; how to get
enough rest on the road; how to manage time on game days; ways to beat boredom
and loneliness without getting arrested
Giving back without giving up
How to be a positive member of the community without giving
up all your free time or becoming the victim of scams, bogus
offers or doomed investments. How to contribute to charity but
maintain your privacy.
Marketing Yourself
You are your own main product and moneymaker. In order to maximize your
profit you need to market yourself. Learn to create a larger-than-life
persona, and manage your public image despite the fact it has nothing
to do with the real you!
Broadcasting 101
For those interested in a post-playing career in the broadcast
media, learn to Dress for Success, speak without stuttering,avoid
the Seven
Deadly Words, engage in insightful analysis without resorting to
cheap cliches
How to order food or a limousine in 12 languages
Designed for those athletes who love to travel during the off-season,
or who want to be prepared for future exile to foreign leagues in
case of a temporary decline in skill levels.
Avoiding lawsuits, entrapment and dangerous situations
Always important, even for the most talented athletes. How
to avoid photographers, paparazzi, mug shots, perp walks and scandal
sheets. How to keep your name in the sports section nd out
of the Smoking Gun. How to keep your reputation intact, your
money in the bank and your dick in your pants. Should be taught
by Shawn Bradley or some other Mormon.
Mental Discipline Workshop
When the game is on the line, the athlete with the superior focus,
who can block out all the pressure and distractions, is the one
who comes through.
A wide-ranging review of a variety of techniques for concentration and
focus, including transcendental meditations, mental imaging, hypnosis,
behavioral
conditioning, yoga, fire walking, scientology and drug therapy.
Everything you wanted to know about steroids and performance enhancing
substances
A chance for athletes to learn and understand what they are really
doing to their bodies. With a history of performance enhancing
substances, the chemistry of stimulants and steroids, advances
in drug testing, your rights
under the collective bargaining agreement
Planning for a life after sports
Perhaps the most important course of all, just to get them to realize
that they won’t be competing forever. With numerous ex-pro’s as guest
speakers, describing successful career options after professional sports,
like announcer,
minister, salesman, casino greeter, car salesman and US Senator.
Of course, the college would have sports teams. It might be hard convincing
other more conventional colleges to accept them in the leagues, but considering
their draw and competitive level, we are sure some accommodation could be
reached. They would be a good measuring stick for the perrenial powerhouses in college ball, and could always find games with top foreign squads as well.
Since very few kids would stay for four years, the school
should award a series of one-year certificates, and the kids could work on
their athletic and personal skills for as long as they need, and have a certificate
or two, as well as real life skills, to show for the effort.
And of course, since we have now published the idea of a dedicated sports
college and professional prep program, no one else can steal it from us,
without risking a hellatious lawsuit. Of course, we are open to offers
of cooperation and backing, as long as we are allowed to be the founder and
first president of the place. Who better, given our record for academic excellence
and innovative thinking. Send proposals directly to the Dowbrigade.
article from msnbc |
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