MBABANE, Swaziland –The Swazi king’s daughter has long raised eyebrows The scandal caused by Princess Sikhanyiso’s latest flouting of tradition The annual reed dance, at which 20,000 girls in beads and traditional skirts Royal officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the issue After the road test… Royal officials had tried to keep word of Princess Sikhanyiso’s party In 2001, Mswati temporarily revived the ancient "umchwasho" rite His eldest daughter, a 17-year-old who was rarely seen in the umchwasho "We were just enjoying ourselves," Princess Sikhanyiso was quoted "We were so shocked that the girls decided to turn the reed dance ceremony He said he was compelled by tradition to beat the celebrating girls — We smell a reality TV show – "The Swazi Princess Diaries". MTV is already making Note to Prince Mgunisawta, Senior Advisor to his Royal Majesty King Mswati III, Ministry of Health and Social Welfare, Swaziland: $100,000 in unmarked, nosequential bills deposited in the dumpster behind our office on Dummer Street as a token of good faith would move negotiations along nicely….
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Dowbrigade, Thank you for posting this. Princess Sikhanyiso’s antics do not reflect well on the kingdom. That is clear. A beating with a stick is only a taste of what is to come if she does not refrain from these type of behaviour. Perhaps you know the contact info for the person in Berlin you mentioned previously. If not, we can contact a few rebel leaders familiar with the art of “persuasion” though that is not so easy to control and she is the King’s favorite so we have to be careful. Maybe we can also send her for a few weeks to Abu Ghraib prison or Guantanamo or place her into a pit with a starving leopard. What do you think? As for the dumpster the money itself is not a problem. That is in fact what it is there for. However, if we advise you of this type of placement through this forum then how do we guard against some of your American ruffians absconding with these funds. We need to devise a better plan and then we will make sure you are rewarded in a manner such as you suggest.
Ok you win, I have conferred with my colleagues here at the Ministry and we have transfered these initial funds to one of our representatives in Boston. As we do not know what you look like, we ask that you please approach any Swazi-looking person on your way to work and ask if they have the money you are looking for. Should you not see anyone, stand near, of even better in, the dumpster and wait. When you see the person ask this question and if they look quizzical do not despair. Simply jump up and down while shouting “Praise be King Mswati lll, the great She-Elephant and all people and animals within the Sacred Kingdom of Swaziland”. If they start jumping with you, you will know you have met the right person. I am sorry if you think this a bit strange or for any embarrassment this may cause. I tried to get my boss to understand that this is not the custom in Boston, but he did not understand. As this is the usual practice when meeting someone in our country he thought it appropriate in this instance as well. Of course you may find you like this and if so, let us know and I will record all the necessary variations and note them here so that you can familiarize yourself. For example there are differences when approaching a women, older person, loved one, sheep herder etc. but since you are new to this we do not want to make it any more complex than necessary. Thank you for your patience. Let us know if this is workable as we look forward to transferring these funds so that we can get started on our important work. Oh one more thing I forgot. You should also be wearing only a loincloth made of the skin of an adolescent hippo. As that may be hard to find on short notice, any variation will do for now, however, we suggest you use part of your funds to track this down so that you will be better prepared as we ready to transfer the second installment.
Where were you yesterday? My people have been looking for you so that we can give you those funds.
The Dowbrigade underwent a minor surgical procedure this morning, combined with a full carotene colonic. Fortunately, the procedure went splendidly, and apart from a nostalgia-inducing barbituate buzz, we seem to have no aftereffects. Actually, we feel rather flushed out and engerized, kind of like downing a few reds with a cheap bottle of wine. Concerning our ongoing “negotiations”, perhaps we could arrange a suitcase exchange somewhere outside the 6 mile limit, like on one of the sleazy gambling cruises out of Lynn?
Well why should it matter to us that the so-called princess no longer values the traditional ceremony. To us, as Swazis, it goes to prove that these ceremonies are just a waste of time and money and are maintained so that the so-called royal family can continue to appear to be the legitimate guardian of culture-and hence everything in the country.Otherwise why would one trample on a tradition that she knew her father revered? Why? Ask yourself. The real revolution is here.
Fuck this!
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Dear , dad iam talking to the one who uses the name tom in AMREICA this is your daughter ALEAH PINTER but i use the name ALEAH DLAMINI so GOODBYE MRS PITNER my nanna is right im never going to live with u iam really sorry but i made up my mind and i made up my mind myself i sear on my cat bootise but i was born in AMERICA and iam going to stay in AMERICA the ONLY WAY AND THE ONLY PLACE I WILL SEE U IS CALFRINOCA OR D.C. AND YOU CAN GET MAD ALL U WANT AT ME BUT I DONT THINK MY NANNA WILL FORCE ME TO GOING AND LIVING WITH SOMEBODY WHOM I BEARLY GET 2 SEE OH AND THIS MAY BE HARD FOR U TO HEAR BUT I WOULD REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT IF U WOULD LET MY NANNA ADOPT ME BECAUSE IT WOULDNT PUT ME THROGH AS MUCH STRESS AS IAM IN RIGHT NOW WITH MY NANNA AND I TAKING CARE OF MY BROTHER I KNOW U WANT ME TO COME AND LIVE WITH U BUT IM JUST NOT READY MAYBE WHEN IM 19 I MIGHT COME AND I SAID MAYBE .O.K. I LOVE U FROM YOUR BEST DAUGHTER IN THE WORLD EVEN IF YOUR MAD AT ME I STILL LOVE U AND I ALWAYS WILL LOVE ALEAH DLAMINI PS. MY NANNA MIGHT WRITE U BACK AFTER SHE READS THIS .O.K. I REALLY REALLY LOVE U BYEYOUR MY BEST FRIEND EVER . XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO MAH
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