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COLLEGE LIGHTBULB JOKES

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How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two—one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven—one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None—Hanover doesn’t have electricity.
How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two–One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six–one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.
How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None–New Haven looks better in the dark.
How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One–he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.

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早上起來馬上意識到:餓醒的。

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人類都可以上太空登月球了,為什麼我還要洗碗?(廚房亂象)

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“生中有这么一些短暂的瞬间,有这么一些感情… …对这些,只能点到为止,就不要刨根问底了吧。”
–屠格涅夫《贵族之家》

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我们人人都曾有过纯真,只是长大后就丧失了。因此,现在的我们才不屑的称这种想法为”天真”,用着一种酸溜溜的口气。
——E·B·怀特 《夏洛的网》

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去年,柏林邵宾纳剧院携易卜生名剧《人民公敌》到中国巡演,受到中国戏剧迷欢迎。然而在北京演出三场后,原计划在南京的另两场演出被临时取消。原因是剧中与观众互动的部分突破了中国言论管制的红线。网民评论:“易卜生百来年前的剧如今在中国演出居然都敏感了辱华了不让演了,这不是魔幻现实什么是魔幻现实……也说明易卜生不愧是伟大的剧作家,能刺痛一百三十多年后的统治者,这就是经典的生命力吧。”

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有人说:肯示弱的时候,才是对自己内心之强大有了自信的时候。

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昨天給一對新婚夫婦做證婚人,宴席上發現新郎和新娘第一次見面就求婚得逞。當然,兩人網上來回視頻已經幾個月了。據美麗的新娘吐露,開始時她並沒有鬆口願意交往,但架不住新郎常常和她視頻從半夜三更到早上上班之前,口若懸河,不讓她睡覺,甜言蜜語,終於把她愛情的防盜門撬開。看來,「女人耳根軟」的確不假。

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俺家的松下牌面包机每次生产一个面包🍞需要四个小时,中间过程还得加核桃仁和黑berry,想出门都不行。外面大把的灿烂阳光和初夏的鸟语花香对守着面包机的me来说恍若世外桃源。窗外的景色果然是:日长篱落无人过,唯有蜻蜓蛱蝶飞。(宋·范成大)

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每次打開自己臉書頁面,看到的一樁事就是「What’s on your mind?」,心想俺腦袋瓜裡琢磨啥憑什麼要告訴你呢?推理小說家東野圭吾曾說過:「世界上有兩樣東西不可直視,一是太陽,二是人心。」me以為如果每個人不假思索地掏心吐肺地在臉書曬自己靈魂深處的思想活動,這臉書便即刻成為一群瘋子或怪胎的伊甸園⋯⋯反之,假設人人皆坦承直言,這世間許多誤會和誤解或許也不存在了,就像尚未變成圓滑的童孩們一樣。雨果在《悲慘世界》裡寫道:「人心和岩石一樣,也可以有被水滴穿的孔。」慈悲和善良其實就是解開人心鐵鎖的那把鑰匙🔑⋯⋯看官們不妨試一下。

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