f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

September 27, 2005

lawyers and spouses

Filed under: pre-06-2006 — David Giacalone @ 1:32 am

Thanks to Todd “Mowabb” Chatman and Blawg Review #25, my newly-discovered
weblawg of the week is the two-day-old Law Spouse weblog.  It’s hosted by law-school
widow (and mother of two) “j spaulding.”  Law Spouse‘s tagline is “a blog community
for those who love a law student.”  The editor notes:
“If you’re married, law school and its attendant headaches affect BOTH 
of you, for good or for ill. It’s compounded by trying to work while you
attend law school — even more so if you have children (no matter what
their ages).
“This blog is meant to not only relate my experiences as a law school 
widow — what works and doesn’t, fears and victories — but to act as a
venting place for other law school spouses who sometimes feel like
they’ve earned the right to have that “Juris Doctor” tattoed on their behinds,
as well.”
This weblog is a very good idea and I hope it will attract a broad following — with
the “community” offering a lot of “what works” and not just “what irks” when
trying to share a life with a law student.
still no wife
his voice grows hoarse…
Kobayashi Issa 

       translated by David G. Lanoue  
Finding Law Spouse, reminded me that I’ve been meaning to mention two books
that could be helpful for those who are trying to love a law student or a lawyer:
MarryLawyer?  (1) Should You Marry a Lawyer?: A Couples Guide to Balancing Work,
Love and Ambition, by Fiona Travis, PhD (Niche Press 2003).  A promotional piece
for this book (for which I cannot vouch) says: 

“You will learn …

    The secrets behind the lawyer personality.
    How lawyers differ from the rest of us.
    How to love your lawyer without losing yourself.
    How to argue with your lawyer … and survive.
    How to build intimacy with the lawyer in your life.
    How lawyers can be better, more loving parents.
    How to keep billable hours from destroying your marriage
    How to help your spouse find career satisfaction in or out of the law
    “So, whether you date, live with, are engaged to, work
    for … or are already married .. to a member of the bar, this book is for you! “

(2) Living with Lawyers, by Frances M. Weiner, et al. (Quarry Publishing, 2001).
This book “explores”:

– The Lawyer Personality – the traits successful lawyers share   MarryLawyer?N 
– What the lawyer has learned in law school that changes him/her forever
– The unique stresses of the legal profession

Living with Lawyers will empower people and help them improve your
relationship with a lawyer by revealing:
– The 7 Secrets to Living with Lawyers
– The most effective techniques to communicate with a lawyer
– How you and your lawyer can manage your stress
– How to love a lawyer without losing yourself

Both books are under twenty bucks.  The life you save may be your own.
hey big cat
shake a leg!
the wife calls
pretending not to see
his wife’s face…
defeated wrestler
Kobayashi Issa 

       translated by David G. Lanoue      
handcuffsG  Lawyers Choosing a Spouse:   When drafting his recent sermons
advocating self-assessment by law school applicants, students and lawyers, as
well as keeping one’s options open (and budget under control), Prof. Yabut
avoided an important topic that needs to be mentioned — who you choose to
marry.   This may sound obvious, but sometimes it is lost in the blush of
young love and lust, or inertia: marrying a spouse who, for all your good traits,
is also highly invested in the expected lifestyle and respectability of a financially-
successful lawyer, can greatly (1) limit your future career and life choices;
and (2) exacerbate forces within the profession that so often lead to a focus
on profits, power, and prestige rather than service to society. 
Which is to say: your spouse could be the one snapping on those golden 
handcuffs — or at least be an enabler or cheerleader as you attach that ball
‘n’ chain.  So, while you’re finding out your own values and priorities, make
sure you also know those of a prospective spouse (including once children
arrive), and she or he knows yours.   

spring rain–
in the wife’s sleeve
coins jingle

a wife, a child…
foretelling my fate?
blossoms scatter too

becoming beautiful
Buddhas, butterfly
husband and wife

       translated by David G. Lanoue      

“can I ask you a question?”
ducking, the law students says
“you just did”

              [Sept. 27, 2005]



  1. so…my wife is between her second and third year of lawschool..

    and our marriage seems to be falling apart.

    is there a site to talk with people about this issue?

    help please!!! my email is: uniform.grey@gmail.com


    Comment by rob — June 10, 2006 @ 11:56 am

  2. I hope this site is still working. I need feedback. Going on 6 yrs married to a lawyer and hanging on for my emotional life! Help!

    Comment by elaine — July 24, 2008 @ 1:48 pm

  3. Elaine, I have no information other than what appears in the posting above. Click on the weblog that is mentioned, or the links for the relevant books. Of course, Googling relevant phrases might help, too. Best of luck.

    Comment by David Giacalone — July 24, 2008 @ 1:59 pm

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