f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

The New York Times Headlines email letter came this morning

with the following Quotation of the Day:

“It’s always nice when they come home. And it’s always nice when they leave.”

– PATRICIA GOSS,  on having children home from

college for the holidays.

(see the accompanying article: “Home for Holidays, Rocking the Nest,” by

Vincent M. Mallozzi, Dec. 17, 2005).  It’s a topic that has been addressed

by a few of f/k/a’s Honored Guest Poets:

first night home from college

click of the latch

on her bedroom door

Carolyn Hall – A New Resonance 2

his room empty now …
in the distance, points of the light
on the interstate

boy shooting baskets–

deep snow piled

all around him

home from a date—
my roommate’s underwear
now inside out

lee gurga from Fresh Scent

our two loudest

on vacation

in the same week

last sandwich

from the loaf

the two ends

Tom Clausen – Upstate Dim Sum (2005/II)

3 P.M.
mom’s shoveling wakes
the cranky collegian

dagosan

update: See Paul David Mena’s treatment

of this theme here (Dec. 19, 2005).

I’m sure the RiskProf is more than happy to send his students

back to their parents over the Holiday Break. But don’t go thinking he’s

only having fun.  For example, see his response to little Virginia Hazard’s

question on the existence of Adverse Selection.”   He’s brutally frank,

making analogies to Santa Claus.   Now I’m wondering what he’s going

to say when Virginia’s brother Moral Hazard writes in wondering whether

Cherry Picking really happens in the insurance industry.  Stay tuned.

The opinionated proprietor of the Taken for Ranted weblog must

believe in the old saw “If you’ve got the name, you might as well

have the game.”   In response to those who insist there is a war

on Christmas, Ranter has posted “John Calvin Joins the Ranter

in the War on Christmas” (Dec. 15, 2005)

 

 

Here are a few excerpts (which I hope will get you to go read the

entire post and check out his merchandise; of course, if you haven’t

already, feel free to first check out our “the so-called war on Christmas”

and st. nicholas v. santa claus):

“NEWSFLASH: The Ranter has declared war on Christmas!

Or at least Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson and the other genius right-

wingers at Faux News believe that liberal, left, secularists like The

Ranter have declared war on Christmas. I hate to disappoint, so I

have created a “Make war on Christmas, not Iraq” bumper sticker.

Joining me in this anti-crusade is John Calvin, the famous Reformer

of Geneva, father of the Puritan movement and one of the original

soldiers in the war on Christmas.

“Many commentators have written to note that Christmas is alive and

well (or ill from a case of acute commercialism, actually, but most

Christians and atheists agree with that assessment as well unless they

happen to be retailers).

 

“. . .  More surprising to many Christians and atheists alike is that the

great-grandfather of religious fundamentalism, John Calvin, was himself

a soldier in the war against Christmas. Like most educated Christians,

Calvin knew that the birth of Jesus did not correspond in any meaningful

way to December 25th, and that it was in essence a pagan holiday that

had been absorbed and coopted by early Christians. Calvin, however, went

the next step in believing that only holidays specifically mentioned in the

Bible should be celebrated.”

 

                                                                                      

Like any good retailer, Ranter has an entire line of products at his War on Christmas

boutique — from bumper stickers and magnets, to mugs, shirts and tote bags. As 

he explains pitching the product: 

“Make War on Christmas, Not Iraq” Tired of Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson?

Join The Ranter in the war on Christmas. I mean this tongue in cheek, of

course. I wrote a blog post pointing out that John Calvin was a soldier in

the war on Christmas and, being a fan of Calvin, I have decided to enlist

myself.”

If you’ve given in to the commercialization of our Holiday Season, Ranter has a lot

of other gifts to please the Liberals in your life (or to tweak the conservatives),

including products featuring:

Miracle of the Burning Bush

 

Proud Member of the Vast Liberal Conspiracy 

 

If You Can Read This You Don’t Vote Republican – “No doubt some

Republicans can read, but clearly they don’t or they wouldn’t vote the

way they do.”

 

Lost. One Democracy Want Ad.   “LOST: One democracy. Large

economic and military power. 300,000,000 citizens. Last seen in

North America cavorting with corporate fat cats and religious funda-

mentalists. If found, return to the American people. Great sentimental

value.”

Besides checking out his full product line at CafePress, you could do far worse than

checking in regularly at Taken for Ranted, which has the appropriate tagline: “Paying

attention, and therefore outraged.”  On the other hand, reindeer might want to steer

clear of his home in Yosemite, CA, for the next week or so.

 

 

lips and tongues

traditional Christmas

papercuts

         dagosan

 

A month ago, the Florida Supreme Court ruled that attorneys

John Pape and Marc Chandler acted unethically by using a

pit bull logo and an 800-PIT-BULL phone number in marketing

their services to persons injured in motor cycle accidents.  The

Court said the Pit Bull image demeaned the legal profession.  

Consumer and First Amendment advocates, legal ethics experts,

and the public in general, replied scornfully to the Court’s argument

and hoped Pape & Chandler would take the case to the United

States Supreme Court. (see our prior post, which collects many

links) 

 

 

Marc Chandler has informed f/k/a that Pape & Chandler won’t just heel

and whimper.  Instead, they have hired Rodney A. Smolla, Dean of the

Richmond School of Law and well-known First Amendment author and

advocate, to seek review of the case at our nation’s highest court.  [In

2003, Smolla successfully represented the respondent in Virginia v. Black,

538 U.S. 343, a cross-burning case.]

 

Of course, the certiorari hurdle is always great, but I’d be interested

in hearing predictions on how the various Justices might vote, should

they take the case.  Would the Court conclude that pious notions of

“dignity” only make the legal profession look silly and are inadequate

reasons for limiting commercial speech and First Amendment rights

of lawyers and consumers?

 

 

christmas morning

the old retriever gets

all the innards

 

            ed markowski 

 

 

 

 

not much afternoon left–

his dog runs loose

ahead of him

 

“dogHouseN”

 

 

 

letting

the dog out–

the stars in

 

 

 

distant thunder–

the dog’s toenails click

against the linoleum

 

Gary Hotham from breathmarks: haiku to read in the dark 

(Canon Press, 1999)

 

 

 

brand new snowbank

the neighbor’s dog

makes a deposit

 

      dagosan

 

p.s. Here’s a smaller, b&w version of the logo in question:

 

 

fresh scent–

   the labrador’s muzzle

        deeper into the snow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas morning—
bird dog in the stubblefield
chasing sparrows

 

    Lee Gurga from Fresh Scent (1998) 

                                                                                                                               

 

On this mid-December Friday evening, faced with too many

“holiday” preparations unfinished (or unstarted), I need a few

moments with the haiku of Andrew Riutta.  May they bring

you a bit of serenity, too:

 

“snowflakeS”

 

 

one day

becomes another–

the sound of snow

 

 

 

 

 

moonhaze—

getting too old

for secrets

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

in her silence

the tea kettle

announces winter

 

 

 

“snowflakeS”

 

 

 

almost midnight . . .

the flowers on her scarf

impossible to pick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

resting her head

in her own hands—

moonless night

 

Andrew Riutta

 

                                                                                                                    “snowflakeS”

“Ed” over at Blawg Review is fiercely (religiously) anonymous, but

I’m starting to think he could be a public relations consultant for the

G.W. Bush White House.  Clearly, when informing his public, Ed

believes deeply in two principles that also guide the White House: 

(1) if you assert it enough, it’s true; and (2) we don’t have to explain

a thing, ’cause a Higher Power is on our side.

 

“GraphClimb”

 

If you don’t believe me, check out his post “Best Blawg and Best Law Blogs”

(Dec. 11, 2005), where Ed says:

“For most law bloggers, the real excitement will be right here for the

first ever Blawg Review Awards, which will be announced on December

26. No one knows whose blawgs are nominated, how a law blog gets

nominated, how the voting is tabulated, or even who gets to vote. Still,

this is where everyone interested in the best blawgs looks each week,

and law bloggers will be pointing their browsers back here right after

Christmas to see who got what presents from Blawg Review this year.”

So, don’t call it Boxing Day.  December 26 is gonna be Blawxing Day

at Prof. Yabut’s house. 

Just in case the votes aren’t tabulated yet, the f/k/a Gang

wants to add that — unlike the folks at 1700 Pennsylvania

Ave and the censors at Blawg Republic — “Ed” doesn’t

hold grudges or ignore constructive criticism. (we hope)

 

Nothing said above should be interpreted to endorse

the procedures or results in the WizBang Weblog Awards.

 

 

election over

dirty laundry

awaits

 

   dagosan

                                                                                                         

 

                              When I saw this picture 

 

on the NYT homepage today, I thought that archeologists

had unearthed the oldest-known set of bocce balls.  Upon

further reading, they had merely discovered “evidence of a

fierce battle fought there in about 3500 B.C” and what they

believe is the “oldest known excavated site of large-scale

organized warfare.”   As for the picture:

Archaeologists found 120 clay balls at Tell

Hamoukar that were meant to be fired from

slings, as well as 1,200 smaller “bullets.”

Yawn.  If you dig such martial stuff, go here to learn more

(New York Times,” Archeologists Unearth a War Zone 5,500

Years Old,” Dec. 16, 2005).

 

 

greatgrandpa’s bocce balls

four generations

choose sides

 

   dagosan  

 

                                                                                                          

 

 

While I’m deciding which attitude to cop today,

here are a few from Tom Painting:

 

 

diagnosis
just about everyone
makes her sick

 

 

 

 

 

divorced

he finishes

his sentence

 

 

 

 

headstones
his wife at a loss
for words

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my tongue

explores a worn tooth

the snowy hills

 

 

 

                             “snowflakeSN”  “snowflakesN”   “snowflakesN”

 

 

 

 

 

the flyswatter

hangs from a nail

winter stillness

 

 

 

 

christmas eve
in the taxi cab
a scent of pine

 

 

 

 

 

 

winter hike

the baby’s breath

warms my neck

 

 

 

“snowflakeSN” Tom Painting,

“the flyswatter,”   “winter hike,” “my tongue” 

& “my tongue” – chapbook piano practice  (Bottle Rocket Press, 2004)     

 “divorced” – Frogpond XXVII: 2; “diagnosis” – Frogpond XXVIII: 3

“headstones” –  hauku canada spring 2005

“christmas eve” – bottle rockets #12

 

 

 

sitting to meditate-

toilet and nose

start to run

 

 

 

 

waving from the river bank

waving back

cattails

 

      dagosan  

 

                                                                                                            

 

Today somehow got away from Your Editor. 

But, we can always count on Peggy Lyles:

 

 

 

 

 

sleeping bats–

an echo suggests

the depth of the cave

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

shells neatly stacked

in other shells–

the moonlit sea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

exam week

tangled kites

above the quad

 

 

Peggy Lyles

“shells neatly stacked” – Modern Haiku (Autumn 2005)

“sleeping bats” & “exam week” – Frogpond XXVIII: 3 (2005)

 

first date:

she groans with pleasure

. . .  at my pun

                                       dagosan  

 

While the rest of us await news on the elections in Iraq,

Prof. B. has another big vote on his mind!  Don’t worry, he’ll let us know

if he wins.

 

New Republic has reprinted an article written in 1982 by the late

Eugene McCarthy on artificial turf.  (“Baseball? Boingball,” issued

Nov. 22, 1982, posted Dec. 11, 2005).

late innings

the shortstop backpedals

into fireflies

 

               ed markowski

Christmas pageant—
the one who had to get married
plays virgin Mary

another Christmas . . .
my parents visit
the son in prison

… by Lee Gurga from Fresh Scent (1998)

orig, photo-poem

home for Christmas:
my childhood desk drawer
empty

Christmas Eve –
bits of a price sticker
stuck on my finger

… by Michael Dylan Welch

“home for Christmas” – from Open Window –

“Christmas Eve” – The Heron’s Nest (Sept. 2005)

christmas evening
the goose she raised
all summer

…. by ed markowski

married a decade
she hides
the mistletoe

married a decade
he can’t find
the mistletoe

wrapping and packing –
she pastes on
a Holiday smile

… by dagosan

Not content with dampening any “holiday spirits” that don’t acknowledge his own parochial faith, Prof. Bainbridge is now turning his Scrooge-like evil grin toward the poor folks of Canada, hoping to further his own parochial political and petro interests — by suggesting we make Alberta the 51st State.

One highlight of 2005 for me was playing bocce in

Schenectady’s Central Park with fellow haijin Yu Chang

and John Stevenson.  As we contemplate our first

night with temperatures around zero, I’m afraid it might

be quite a while before we have another game of outdoor

bocce (see Giacalone Family Informal Bocce Rules.)

That’s too bad, because the addition of our neighbor

Hilary Tann to the f/k/a Honored Guest roll means

she will be expected to join us in 2006, which will allow

us to play the even more enjoyable and traditional two-team

version of bocce.   

 

“bocceBallsG”

 

But, maybe we needn’t wait until Spring.  I’ve been joking

with John and Yu about getting together for Snow Bocce, and that

phrase turned up on my Keyword Activity list yesterday.  Back-

tracking on the links, I discovered that the Colebrook [NH] Kiwanis

Club has “added an extremely popular event; the Peter Goudreau

Sr. Memorial snow bocce tournament,” with this year’s event

to be held on February 11th.

 

bocce party tonight —

first, a round of

pooper scooping

 

       dagosan

The lawyer in me, naturally, wonders whether there are any 

special rules for Snow Bocce.  So far, here’s the only version

I’ve been able to find on the internet:

Snow bocce is played on freshly fallen snow; it needs  “snowflakeS”

to be the kind of snow that is good for snowballs and

snowmen. It follows all the usual rules (see, for instance,

wikipedia: bocce) except that the pallino and balls are all

made out of snow. As a result, the balls change size over

the course of the game. Rolling across fresh snow, they

can get larger. If they are thrown too far, they may fragment

into multiple pieces. In that case, count the largest fragment

for the purposes of scoring. The other fragments may be left

where they fall.

To be honest, bocce balls made of snow would seem to be a

novelty that would quickly become tiresome and unwieldy.  If

any f/k/a visitors have other versions of Snow Bocce rules, or just

tips for playing lawn bocce on snow, please use the Comment

link or email to let us know.

 

backyard bocce –

tonight we’re

the noisy neighbors

 

 

 

 

girls against guys —

who knew

white wine improves your aim?

 

         dagosan

 

update (Jan. 16, 2006): See snow bocce update for details of the

first New York Capital Region Haijin Snow Bocce Festa.

Meanwhile, Hilary, Yu and John have some fine haiku for

us, all from The Heron’s Nest:

 

                                                                   

 

invisible fence
. . .
no sign of the dog 

 

 

 

weekday morning
gulls gather
round the ice-fishing hole

 

 

 

Hilary Tann – The Heron’s Nest

“weekday morning” (June 2003); “invisible fence”  (Aug. 2003)    

 

pull of the moon
I am not myself
tonight

 

 

 

 

 

 

fallen sycamore —
the chess players move
to another tree

 

 

yu chang – The Heron’s Nest

“fallen sycamore” & “pull of the moon” (Dec. 2005)

 

 

 

 

 

 

end of summer
coming home
with the current and the tide

 

 

 

 

 

 

sparrows sift through
the shopping carts
autumn dusk

 

 

John Stevenson – The Heron’s Nest

“end of summer” & “sparrows sift through” (Dec. 2005)

 

“snowflakeS” “snowflakeS”  I want to add my reaction of outrage over the attempt by

Missouri lawyer Susan H. Mello to turn an ambiguous contingency fee

contract in an employment discrimination case into an extraordinarily

excessive fee.  As the Missouri appellate court put it “if it was Mello’s

intent to have her client surrender 35 to 45% of all future earnings until

the welcome hand of death freed her from this servitude, the contract

needed to say as much.” (via George’s Employment Blog and Overlawyered)

                                                                                                      

 

For some unfathomable reason, the Lifestyles editor of the

Schenectady Sunday Gazette decided to feature the article 

“Caution Bad Hair Day” yesterday (by Elysia Nest, H1, Dec.

11, 2005, $ub$cription only!)  The article rehashes findings

from a 2000 study by Marianne LaFrance of Yale University’s

Gender Communications Laboratory and from a March 2003

‘Hair Drama Stress Survey’ conducted on behalf of Sunsilk

hair care products.

 

 

Since understanding human nature makes us better lawyers,

judges, haijin, and persons, I thought I’d salvage the time wasted

on that article by sharing it with you.   Also, if misery loves

company, and we all love a little schadenfreude, knowing the

pain that bad hair causes others might be personally rewarding

for all of us.

 

A quick look at LaFrance’s Impressions column in the Lamas    

Beauty Magazine, (Oct. 2003), reveals that “bad hair days “affect

individuals’ self-esteem increasing self-doubt, intensifying

social insecurities, and becoming more self-critical in general:

“Interestingly, both women and men are negatively

affected by the phenomenon of bad hair days,” says

Professor LaFrance. “Even more fascinating is our finding

that individuals perceive their capabilities to be significantly

lower than others when experiencing bad hair.”

  “Most notably, just the thought of a bad hair

day caused both men and women to feel they are not as

smart as others. Surprisingly, the impact on performance

self-esteem was more pronounced among men.”

 

  “Women tend to feel more disgraced, embar-

rassed, ashamed or self-conscious when experiencing bad

hair. Men on the other hand, feel more nervous, less con-

fident and are more inclined to be unsociable.”

 

 

“Evidence shows that bad hair causes one to

be more negative about oneself. Specifically, results

indicate that a ‘bad hair’ day leads individuals to find more

personal character flaws that go beyond their appearance.”

  

The Sunsilk study found that “More than one in five women (22%) will cancel a

date or hide to avoid seeing someone they fancy, if they are having a bad hair day.

And one in 20 would actually give up sex or their boyfriend in exchange for great

looking hair for the rest of their lives.”  Even worse, “nearly all women (97%) believe

that having attractive hair is essential to their self-esteem, and it therefore acts as

an emotional barometer – a simple means of gauging their well-being.”

 

According to Dr Aric Sigman, psychologist and body language expert: “Hair is the

only fashion accessory that is part of a woman’s body and, as such, she takes it

more seriously. . . .  She knows that people will make judgements about her based

upon the state of her hair and – more to the point – she makes judgements about

herself based upon the state of her hair.”

“tinyredcheck” The study also found that “Amazingly, one in ten (11%)

women would rather suffer PMT than endure a bad hair day.” 

[Over at Acronym Finder, your Editor concluded that “PMT”

probably means Post-Millennium Tension, Pacemaker-Mediated

Tachycardia, or Pre-Menstrual Tension (UK Variation of PMS).]

Before you accuse me of misogyny or male chauvinism for stressing these

results, please let me repeat the sentence above from the LaFrance Study:

“Surprisingly, the impact on performance self-esteem was more pronounced

among men.” 

 

 

Although I make light of the Bad Hair Day issue, let me confess that

I also empathize.  My three-dimensional, curly-brillo Sicilian hair was

impossible to tame in my youth and is impossible to tame as it rapidly

abandons my pate.  Believe me, I can relate.  I just hope that age has

given me enough common sense to laugh rather than cry on my own

bad hair days.

 

again, the bald barber

cuts my hair

too short

 

 

 

 

 

as the professor speaks

only his bald spot

is illuminated

 

George Swede from Almost Unseen: Selected Haiku of George Swede 

 

 

bad hair update (Dec. 13, 2005): a pair from ed “the walking saijiki”

markowski:

 

           late day showers…

                   my hair gel

                      reactivates

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                       winter pines…

                             the ski instructor’s

                                  spiked hair

 

 

 

 

 

                     holiday rush

                          the barber speaks wistfully

                        of the sixties

 

 

 

 

          ed markowski 

             “holiday rush” – bear creek haiku (Winter 2004)

 

 

 

 

George Swede bonus (forget this hair stuff):

 

 

 

the frozen breaths

of the carolers   disappearing

among the stars

 

 

 

 

 

 

A cloud, a gull, a sail

            all
in the last sunbeam

 

“the frozen breaths” – Almost Unseen

“a cloud” – Mainichi Daily News Dec. 5, 2005 (No.678) 

 

  I can’t believe I’ve spent all this time fretting over bad hair days,

when I could have been clicking through the new links collected by Walter

Olson, at Point of Law, on Alito and Antitrust.  You know, some of my very

worse bad hair days happened while I was an antitrust lawyer.  Don’t remind

me!  I wonder how many millions of billable hours have been attributable to

Hair Dramas over the past half century?  Maybe Walter knows. 

 

                                                                                                                            

 . . . there are plenty of bad haiku (and I’ve written a few).   “Ed,” the

ubiquitous figure behind Blawg Review, frequently torments haikuEsq

by sending him pointers to websites containing truly dreadful doggerel

that have been designated as “haiku” by the ignorant or the playful. (go

here, for info on the definition of real haiku)

 

 

 

Over the weekend, hoping that your Editor would be inspired to link to

this week’s Blawg Review #36 at AutoMuse, BR‘s Ed sent us links to the

haiku page at npr’s Car Talk — go here at your own literary peril.  Although

there may be an accidental senryu or two in the group, Tommy and Ray

Magliozzi have basically proven their motto that there are no bad questions,

only bad answers (or responses).

 

Needless to say, even though Blawg Review #36 includes two links to

f/k/a posts from last week, haikuEsq has not been convinced it deserves

a nod from this serious weblog.  We’re not that easily bribed (inquire within

for bribery particulars, or make an offer).

 

 

 

funeral procession . . .

snowflakes blowing

into the headlights

 

 

 

pumpkin pie aroma

from the back seat–

Kansas sunrise ahead

 

 

 

 

 

load of seedwheat–

pumping old brakes

all the way down the hill

 

 

 

Randy Brooks 

from School’s Out (Press Here, 1999) 

 

 

                                                                                                                              

 

 

Randy Brooks bonus:

 

heat clicks

on

the wavering fern

 

 

 

 

 

praising the hostess,

eggnog

in his moustache

 

 

   from School’s Out

 

 

 

 

If I get nothing else done today (always a possibility),

I want to post a few poems from Rebecca Lilly’s award–

winning Shadwell Hills collection:

 

 

Grey winter dawn–

her kitchen’s bare bulb shines

on a mug of weak tea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sting of the wind–

icy evergreen needles

glinting in winter sunset

 

 

 

 

 

 

Winter moon–

the lost dog flyer

blows from the telephone pole

 

 

 

Rebecca Lilly – Shadwell Hills (Birch Brook Press, 2002)  

 

 

fogged window –

too cold

meets too hot

 

              dagosan