f/k/a archives . . . real opinions & real haiku

January 13, 2006

marvin blogs alito hearings for mars audience

Filed under: pre-06-2006 — David Giacalone @ 4:00 pm

                                   Editor’s Note: “We’ve turned this post over to a celebrity

                                                         interplanetary weblogger — Marvin T. Martian.

 


 

The Alito Confirmation Hearings are over and I need to sum up quickly,

because my Flying Saucer is about to take off, and there aren’t enough 

hot spots in this part of the galaxy. 

 

The Constitution Drafting Committee of the Martian Transitional    “MarsR”

Government sent me here, to see how our Liberator, the United States,

chooses its most powerful judges.  Although I listened, typed and read 

all week, the elected Transitional Coalition back home wasn’t impressed,

and has already sent me on a new assignment.  They told me, quoting one

of my own favorite phrases: “back to the old drawing board.” 

 

Frankly, there were times during this Hearing when I wanted to use my

Acme Time-Space Gun on Senators from both sides of the aisle.  Still,

I learned a lot about the American judicial nomination process and might

as well “blog it” (such a euphonic phrase!).


MarvinNF  It might shock Earth Bloggers, but

their Martian colleagues — not being used to Free

Speech — merely report facts.  Commentary and

opinion are risky things, until we get a final Bill

of Rights installed.  Also, we never get snide nor

use irony.

After this hearing, I can say with some certainty,that the following factors 

are important in the Senate confirmation process for a Supreme Court

justice:

 

In the United States of America:



TedKg  even persons living in glass houses are allowed to throw

stones (and live under bridges, I think).

 


– even little girls can grow up to distort the truth as much as male

politicians do

 

                                                                                            SchumerMug

 

– even “very troubled” persons get to vote on Supreme Court violations 

[ed. note: Dr. Freud apparently got to Mars; Marvin meant “nominations”]

 

– even ardent people of Faith are tolerant of the little white lies used when

applying for a job

 

“specterLeahy”

 

– even really smart intellectuals say stuff like “super-duper

 

– even friendly witnessses can be asked detailed, leading questions

all day long (and no stick-in-the-mud gets to say “ask and answered”)

 

                                                                                                  AlitoSA

 

– even appellate judges get to give fuzzy, circular, non-responsive answers

they would never accept from counsel in oral argument

From the Mean Stream Media and weblogs, I also learned some other

surprising things:


tiny check It takes three to four times as many words (thousands of ’em)

to ask a question than to answer it 

 


 

tiny check Your party registration has a lot to do with your feelings

about Samuel Alito

 

tiny check Personal judicial and political philosophy are the same thing

as personal vendettas (according to one Public Intellectual).

 

tiny check Former law clerks really like it, when their judge gets to the

Supreme Court. 

Okay, I admit this list doesn’t help the Drafting Committee back home very  MarvinAnnoyed

much.  But is that my fault?  My weblogging career is being disintegrated as

I type — and all I did was tell it like I saw it.  As I recently said to my former Earth

foe, Bugs Bunny: “Being disintegrated makes me very angry. Very angry indeed.”

 

In an Instant Message this afternoon, the Committee Chair back in Marsilia wrote:


“This couldn’t possibly be how a Great Nation picks a member of its Highest Court. 

You might as well have gone to Uranus!” 

UranusB  That’s when he got the bright idea to actually send me to Uranus to cover their

congressional elections.  I should be back in time to see how you choose a President.

 

yours truly,

Marvin T. Martian 

 




 

 
alito [means breath]!

puffs from the right

huffs from the left

 

 



 

feminists

shudder —

alito

 

 


 



federalists

sigh —

alito

 

dagosan:  

 

 

 

 

Study windows frosted–

coffee dregs dried

in a chipped ceramic mug

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





The long drive home–

stumps in the roadside forest

mounded with old snow

 

 

 

“PokerDogs”

 

 

 

 

A grey dawn–

last night’s poker cards

facedown on the table

 

 


from Shadwell Hills (Birch Brook Press, 2002)  

 

                                                                                                                 MarvinGF

                                                                                      Marvin images thanks to gargaro!       

 

 

“MarsG”

 

 

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