Siliceous and Delicious

Progress report season… for the sixth time! Yay! Well, actually I’m not sure I even had a progress report the first two years, but whatever. I spent yesterday evening reading through the past year’s DSA notes (depressing), comparing them to the goals I set out at this time last year (actually, precisely to the day!). This morning, I sat down and wrote out the progress report and handed it to Andy. I was feeling pretty good about myself, particularly since I managed to convince him not to call a committee meeting (for the first time ever). But then he read over the report and came back to my office to request a change: I had described how, as per his recommendation, I was dropping the diatom diversity project and instead expanding the morphospace project to two chapters, he “reminded” me of the PlanktonTech book chapter we agreed to write and asked that I change the section in my progress report back to include a chapter on diatom diversity.

What?! I thought the diatom diversity chapter was dead. I thought I had explained to Andy that I didn’t think the SQ subsampling method was going to work on the Neptune data. I thought he had suggested I drop the chapter, “with an eye toward finishing sooner rather than later”. Well, that didn’t seem to matter much—I suppose he remembered that there was a book chapter due for the PlanktonTech people, and that it was supposed to be about diatom diversity, and that was it. Just add it to the dissertation, as another chapter.

I could freak out at this point. I could despair about how to goalposts keep shifting. I could sit down and try to realistically plan how I am going to go from two chapters worth of data and analysis and no chapters written to four chapters worth of data and analysis and four chapters written by September 15th (the deadline for dissertation submission for the November graduation date). But I think I’m just too exhausted to do that at this point. Andy wants a chapter on diversity? Fine. So I rewrite the progress report (here it is, by the way) to include a few sentences about how “the diatom diversity project will take on a smaller role and will be represented by a short review chapter for submission to the book resulting from the PlanktonTech research initiative”.

Whatever. I don’t have the energy to engage with stressing out about how long things are going to take, when I am going to be done, what the dissertation is going to look like. The best I can do right now is go from one day to the next. Today, I needed to get a progress report done and signed by my committee members. I did that—I got Andy, Jacques, and Dave to sign off on it (and without requiring a committee meeting!). Whatever happens tomorrow, or next month, or when the thesis is due, happens then. Who cares what the damn report says.