The next step
It feels a bit surreal on this last day to try and summarize my whole internship experience. I’m definitely starting to get really sad (although excited to go back to school), and even now, at 3:53 pm, I still half-think that I’ll be back here on Monday.
In looking back at why I wanted to work at PON, I feel like my objectives have been more than met. I learned so much more about the field of ADR and conflict resolution, and I met some great people who helped introduce me to the types of jobs you can have in this field. Interning here has definitely opened a door to me in the sense that I finally feel that I have found “my thing,” and now the possibilities are endless. I think my more concrete, practical goals have been met, as well. I got over a lot of phobias that I had coming in (talking on the phone?), and my organizational and writing skills were definitely challenged on a daily basis – which was actually a great feeling. While I don’t think some of my larger fears and weaknesses have been overcome, working here forced me to look these issues in the face, and deal with them constantly, and I believe that there is value in that confrontation.
I think there’s another thing about this particular internship that, to me, is pretty unique. It’s very strange to be studying substantive skills (conflict resolution, negotiation, etc.) at the same time as you are actively using those skills in everyday life. When you learn about negotiation in the abstract, and then you actually have a negotiation in real life about concrete issues, you can very clearly see the difference between your own instincts and the “ideal” way to negotiate. I vividly remember the day when I had listened to the Negotiation Workshop plenary about difficult conversations, and realized why I had had an argument with someone the previous evening. The fact that everything (arguably) is a negotiation is also the reason why working in this field, for me, has prompted a lot of self-reflection and self-realization. I can’t really think of any other field where this is the case, and sometimes that has been really difficult. I know that I’ll leave my internship here, at the very least, knowing much more about myself.
But in other ways, interning at PON has raised more questions than it has answered. It has partially answered the “what am I going to do with my life” question. I know that this is the field for me. And I’m relieved that I know that. But… now what? This feeling reminds me of the movies, when someone opens a door and through the door lays an endless green meadow, a totally different world to explore. Which direction do you go first? Do you look down at the green grass or up at the sky? Should I just shut the door?
Well, I know that I shouldn’t shut the door. But perhaps the next step is sitting down and asking myself those hard questions. What is it that I loved about being at PON? What parts of my personality are good for this field? And I like to think that this feeling of having endless possibilities open – and even of being slightly lost – is hopefully a good (or at least normal!) feeling.
But for now, my biggest takeaways today aren’t about jobs, or my future, or anything nearly that stressful. When I think about my time here, what I feel most is gratitude to the staff and professors at PON. I can’t even describe how lucky I feel to have met some of the most enthusiastic, perceptive, and genuine people that I ever have. It has been humbling. I’m sure that it can’t be easy to accomodate interns, especially when there’s never been one before. But I really could not have had a better internship experience, and that is thanks to everyone at PON.
Okay – I’m starting to get sad again. And I don’t want this to be a big goodbye, because I’ll find excuses to come back and visit. So thanks to everyone who read over the past few months (maybe I’ll update back at Dartmouth!), and, again, to PON.
Goodbye – for now!