Is it too much
Is it too much to ask God for someone to love? At times I feel ever so worthless. Knowing that God has sent His Son to die for me on the Cross. But yet I can’t even live the redeemed life. Am I being punished in loneliness?
What can I do to convince my friends who believe that God does not exist. What can I do to have faith in a God that I cannot see and that knowingly the Christian life is harder. Knowingly watching the non-believers have an easier life. I only wish that I could love God more. I only wish God would somehow rewire my brains to automatically love Him more, read His Word more, give more and just be like Christ.
I am deeply discouraged. All I am good for is legalistically keeping up attendance at religious events. All I am good for is sinning against God. I don’t know His Will, I don’t hear His Voice speak to me. I can’t do the things He says in His Word. All I want to be is a good Christian. I look enviously upon Christians who are greatly blessed, greatly favored, know their purpose in life and are close to the will of God.
So discouraged. I feel like the last, least and lowest child at times. Forever watching the good Christians have everything and all that I do is to be pathetic at all times. With no faith, with great sin and nothing to live for except worldly pleasures. I am no more than the seed that got planted in good soil, but got choked up by the weeds of life. I have a feeling that God created me, knew me. He knows that I will hear the gospel, accept it. Struggle and eventually fall away from the Father and go to hell. Maybe that’s my lot in life.
Did God merely create me to go to hell anyway? That whatever I do right now is fruitless because I’m already pre-destined to burn in hell forever? I guess it really is.
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