SimplyJITH Blog

Allow me to fade away,

memories untold to anyone…

For in silence sought, 

you shall realize I spoke from my heart…

And when you shall seek,

it’s time to accept that I am long gone….

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/dJbAqnoGn5A&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&hd=1&border=1

Note: If you wish to access my collection of assorted video links (of various genres) please visit my Youtube Channel here.You can also browse through the videos from the Youtube tab below

For the first time, I understood…what Alfred Hitchcock wanted to convey in The Man Who Knew Too Much. It again happened to me…I fail to recollect an instance to convince myself that this person ever spoke the truth…The truth, they say, shall never die. It is such an inherent virtue that everyone seeks it in our quest for justice. I sought the truth, but all that I am  rewarded with was pain and deceit…but not happiness. When it happened to me for the first time, I lost a lot, but I understood that it was never meant to be…all that remains of it is a relation of indifference….I could forgive and forget.Second time, it was a twin blow, successive attempts to seek selfish gains…pushing me into a situation to reevaluate every human relation…I lost the start to push my life into a better zone of comfort, I could forgive…but I shall never forget. Then, it was a mix of circumstances and ego, that created a passion to destroy me, I shall never forget the moment. 

All these moments, were intense yet short experiences….but what happened today, is a long drawn one…possibly because I was foolish enough to believe the story all through. I now understand, winner is a relative term, we ought to define the sphere of influence in defining a winner. It is not possible to win in every sphere of life…Today, I admit…my belief in people failed me…because of two  rather unfortunate souls…one happens to be a disgrace to the thought of dignified existence and other happens to be a disgrace to parenthood and parenting. How often do we find someone who is challenged in regard to value education be blessed with parents…one of them is an equally unfortunate soul in regard to judgment, and the other…a mute spectator of their disgusting traits, kept in the dark by these blemishes on social fabric? I am no one to judge them,  they will suffer for their deeds. I am stuck dad, show me the way…to understand the truth…and walk the right path.

– abhijith                                                                                                              

                    Note: This post/entry belongs to Simply Me…my personal diary.                

It is important to understand at a game of chess, it is the struggle of negotiations that will win the battle. I wish to speak about the needed ability to understand and tackle a situation. Growing beyond the game, let us understand the needed ability to be an emperor…more than the accepted honor of authority, it is a title of nobility : conviction to lead by example.

Several moments in our lives, we would probably see ourselves at that stage of the game, when all our trusted men (resources) are down and we are left alone to seek a way forward. We are reduced to believe that all is over and we are bound to lose, it is easy to lose one’s grip on life. Am I to change my beliefs with which I led my forces ? I realize, because of constant loss of support, I surrendered my soul and my corporeal self can be understood as a mere synecdoche for a society.

I need a revival, to seek my lost ground …all by myself, live by my principles and lead by example. To surrender my soul, was probably a mistake…but I am a true warrior and shall contest to conquer…Every move shall be a calculated one to destroy the fatal forces, weave a rich and a balanced tapestry of comfort for my bleeding soul. I shall seek to play the critical move…for I am the emperor!

Today, I wish to write about my experiences with Jealousy…As Françoise Sagan once said, ” To Jealousy, nothing is more frightful than laughter”, it is always important and interesting to understand the delicate  nature  of emotion one needs to deal with, when someone in our life is jealous and we happen to be the object of interest.  It is important for us to decide which side of the argument we wish to support. I wish to focus this attempt of mine to dwell on various aspects of jealousy…possible influences and reasons for sustaining itself.

It is important that we need to understand the difference between the experience and the outcome of a certain situation. It is important that we need to try recreate a moment of confidence…a moment of belief, which will remain in the memory of the subject, and will help her/him to understand how she/he is wanted in our lives. While it is important to instill confidence, it is always important to understand the basis of such a belief. Life is a journey.. a journey where we need to make choices… choices which will influence how we which to decorate our lives…decorations which we wish to live with…It is a pleasant feeling to appreciate the emotion of being cared for, and it is always important to realize the necessity for us to keep the moment alive…with our sincere efforts..

 Jealousy…is a dangerous emotion, if handled well, it will help us grow as a person to seek the beauty beyond doubt…if we do not happen to respect the emotion, it will be painful…possibly beyond human comprehension.

I dedicate this post to a friend of mine…I wish to draw your attention to a realization of mine, which I have to come believe in rather reluctantly, What we are as a person, is what we are…doubt and trust are important facets of any relation…what will be …will be, it is important for us to understand the value of life and value of ourselves… and others in our life.

” Children…Today, I shall tell you a story…a story about a butterfly…my butterfly!

When I was a small kid, just like you. I use to be as playful as you all are…mischievous and naughty. I wanted to explore this nature, every beautiful creation and every offering of it. But, I never knew how I can grow closer to nature….until one day, while I was playing in the balcony…a young butterfly rested on my shoulder. She had vibrant wings, a delicate lace and an immersing grace…I was fascinated and amazed to see her, just as you all are to listen to my story…I  extended my arm to reach her….she rested on my finger with  an easy motion…I understood…we were friends now!

I went on to explore the nature through her stories  and her flight…through the trees, through the rivers…into the busy lanes…I lived moments learning the greenery of life, busy ways of people, innocence of a child…until one day, when the butterfly decided to fly away….I was left with no reason to understand….

I continued to explore the world I was introduced to…to live with memories, with hope that she will return. Few years later, as I rested on the green meadow…I was greeted by her again…my butterfly…who rested on my forehead….

My joy knew no bounds, I was happy to see her back in my life…I was excited to think of life I shall live with her as company…we were friends again…I was happy to see myself immersing in life again…reaching out to various gifts of nature…listening to the music of the gentle breeze, the warmth in the rising sun….chill that the winter rain brings….

One day, as we were about to set out …she was cold with no emotion…she no longer responded my calls to pave the way…neither was she interested to hear my stories…she wanted me to let go…she wanted to fly away…

When I want to explore this nature any more, I will have to do it on my own again…I understood,  I ..me …myself will have to set my life free, if it  happens to come back…it will be forever…and if it did not, it was never bound to be.

I set her free…with a flutter, her wings flapped…and she rose, higher and higher. My heart palpitated as I stood watching her move away….will I ever be able to see her again? I never know ”

The Children continued to stare at me in amazement…one of them raised his hand, but he was silent with his innocent gaze fixed on me. For a minute, he spoke nothing… and then he said, “Will the butterfly come back?”

” I do not know, I have all my life to wait…with hope”, I said.

Rubric Note: There are no great debates against the argument which is presented in this post. Hence, it is a sincere request that you should not, therefore, find yourself in passionate disagreement with the post. However, try not to find yourself in passive agreement with it either.

I wish to speak of that phase in my life, when I had a sense of insecurity, along with guilt, pain, stress and lack of love…The foundation that one needs, to understand, grow and condition themselves to take on responsibilities is always crucial. It becomes important to understand that our actions will always have a bearing on our future. I seek to learn from my mistakes, respect life and the lessons I was offered to learn from. My early years were greatly influenced by my father, and I still continue to appreciate and feel  his presence, I understand every experience I am put through is an attempt to help me grow as a person…I lived my early life with a sense of carelessness, and then with a sense of caution…and for few years now, I allowed my heart to guide me…I have had immense happiness to allow myself to immerse into life with completeness and sincerity. I realized that, where there is light, there shall exist a shadow. Shadows tell a tale of light…they speak of absence of light, dark spots caused by impenetrable emotions we choose to hide. In this world of manifestation, there exists a constant struggle between shadow and light. And in my struggle, I lost …shadow won…Now, I stand emptied seeking light….

 

While most of the people who went/ are going through this phase hustle through their lives to seek a new beginning…but I chose to stay even when I was treated with no respect…to understand, respect the moment… and if possible rekindle hope, but I understood that it is very difficult to rekindle hope if one carries around anger, frustration and disappointment…I learnt to forgive myself, forgive others and set them free…only then I understand I will be more willing and open to accept life and enjoy it. I do not regret my decision to stay…I learnt life…and wait to see light of the day again.