I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got

Sinead O’Connor sang those words in the early 90’s. But I simply can not live by them. I like to think I’m not a materialistic fellow or a man filled with envy or jealousy. But truth be told, I want what I don’t have. I always have, I always will.

Often times, I want stuff that I know deep down I don’t want (at least, I think I don’t want). For example, Matt and I lived in San Francisco back in 1997. I went there on vacation in 1996 and had a decent time. It wasn’t the best vacation of my life, but it was enjoyable. Still, I was happy when the trip was over and was ready to return to Boston. A year later, my best friend told me he was moving to southern California. That got the juices stirring in me and a few months later I decided I wanted to try living in California, too, and talked Matt into moving to San Francisco (southern California just didn’t appeal to me).

But after 6 months there we realized we didn’t quite fit in. People always talk about Massachusetts being too liberal, but you’ve not seen liberal until you live in San Francisco. Anyway, as a resident, you start noticing the little things that the tourists don’t quite pick up on: the excessive homelessness and panhandling, the rampant sex and drug culture, teen prostitution, the lack of trees (except in parks), the monotony of the weather and the blandness of the architecture (aside from downtown and the remaining painted ladies).

Yet here I am nearly 8 years later and a friend of mine is moving to San Francisco and I’m thinking how nice it would be to move back there. What’s up with that? I seriously need therapy.



  1. Comment by David on March 23, 2005 10:59 am

    You have to be happy with what you have, and who you are. Location change may not be the answer.

  2. Comment by Doug on March 23, 2005 11:09 am

    You can move whereever you want…but remember whereever you are…there you are….

  3. Comment by jeff on March 23, 2005 12:16 pm

    I think at this point Moe just rolls his eyes when I point out something I want – he and I are complete opposites. I set my eyes on something and want it, while he seems to never want anything.

  4. Comment by chris on March 23, 2005 1:21 pm

    you just need to figure out what you really want and need out of life……

    therapy exercise: “close your eyes and visualize where you are and what youre doing”. if you see yourself toked up laying on a beach, thats a therapy issue. if you see youself someplace different, living a life and thriving, follow that lead.

  5. Comment by karyn on March 25, 2005 3:56 pm

    Doug & David are onto something. Geographical change is not a panacea. As for wanting what you haven’t got, well, join the club, toots. The way of the world, I’m afraid. Oh God! *Gasp* You MIGHT be a little like everyone else!!!! SAY IT ISN’T SO!!! Oh my, oh my! I think I need a little lie down….

  6. Comment by Erica on March 25, 2005 4:29 pm

    No leaving. Verboten. Case closed. 😀 😀

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