Revealing Something About Myself
I’m responsibility-phobic. I really think I am.
I’ve always has suspicions. And my ex, Matt, used to tell me all the time that I could be making so much more money if I’d just assert myself and take on jobs with responsibilities. He thought I had it in me to take charge and manage something. Randy has said similar things (that I could make more outside of Harvard or in a different, more senior, job at Harvard).
That’s all probably true. But I like Harvard. I like what I do at Harvard. I like my boss. And, to be quite honest, in my old age I don’t think I’m as capable as I once was as a young whipper-snapper to expense all of the energy to work my way up the corporate (or academic) ladder. I don’t want to work 60+ hours per week like Randy. I don’t want to be responsible for 7AM conference calls or 9PM conference calls…multiple times per week.
And I think that’s also why I’m not falling in love with my scooter. Riding the subway (and/or bus) means no responsibility except showing up and paying the fare. I can do that! But riding the scooter requires ownership. It requires paying attention to what I’m doing and where I’m going (avoiding pot holes, pedestrians, car doors opening). I have to worry about finding an accessible spot in the bike rack for such a large beast. I have to worry about theft.
To be honest, it consumes me. Yeah, my commute gets cut by more than half as a result of the scooter. And it gives me control of my schedule (I can leave when I want and not rely on a bus schedule). But I’m not sure I want that control!
…or if I’m capable of such a responsibility!
3 Comments
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Courage, Camille.
lol @ Karyn!
I can relate to the job stuff, yeah I don’t get paid a lot, and and trained monkey could do my job, but when I’m not working, I’m NOT working. As for the scooter, maybe you should get theft insurance, or try to park near a nicer scooter. btw, cute pic.