Family Secrets
My family is pretty open. As a teen, I would try and spark debates around the kitchen table by asking their opinions on homosexuality, interracial marriage, abortion, capial punishment, politics, etc…
Even today, I’ve always believed that my parents have been pretty open with me about their medical issues now that they’re both approaching 80. But now I’m beginning to wonder.
For example, my Dad is in the hospital with pneumonia…he’s been there since Wednesday. When did my Mom call to tell me? Thursday night. And two months ago my Mom was in the hospital (also for pneumonia). When did they tell me? Two days later.
Three years ago my Mom took a nasty spill on the sidewalk while walking the dog, landing face first on the asphault. When did they tell me? Not the day of the accident. Not three days after the accident after they had to take her by ambulance to the hospital with a subdural hematoma. No, they notified me after her second day in the hospital (5 days after she was injured).
So now I’m wondering how honest they’ve been with their other medical issues (diabetes, high blood pressure, early emphsyema). Are they downplaying the severity? I mean, they’ve at least told me about the medical issues so they can’t really be trying to hide too much. Regarding hospitalizations, they’re excuse is always “well, we didn’t want to worry you. We didn’t think it was serious.”
Anyway, unless she’s lying to me, my Mom says my father is feeling better and thinks he’ll be released today. I plan on calling my dad later in the morning (I would have called last night but my Mom said that he wanted to watch the football game).
Ugh, when did I become the worrying parent?
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Well, Karl, they’re good New England Yankees…they DON’T want to worry you, and anything less than a full-on catastrophe (which would probably produce a dry call “There’s been a little accident…”) probably seems to them like something they don’t want to burden you with. I’ve got a similar, though more English, family [I can remember going to see my grandfather when he’d have some scary bruise…”Oh, just a little accident splitting wood” or whatever…], so I kinda get it…you will probably have to stress to them that, as they get older, you really WANT to be worried and there for them, so just a little call when things happen – no drama (like there’s ever any overt drama in our families, heh…), but letting you know…I assume it’s gotta be a little tough for them to be at this juncture, too… All best wishes to all of you, in any case…you MIGHT have to get a little sneaky about checking-in more often, casually, of course…
I mean, you know the old joke about the Yankee farmer when his horse dropped dead, right?
” ‘Tain’t nevah done THAT befoah!”
We’re of a stock conditioned to treat a Class 5 hurricane as “well, it’s getting a little windy down here” – have to be attuned to the subtleties, eh what?
All best to you and yours!!! Big hug!
I’ve had a similar experience and it’s pretty annoying. My parents like to spring stuff like that on me when I’m just about to leave. Once I’m in that precarious position between the regular door and the storm door, they really shouldn’t bring up any important subjects, but instead it’s like a signal to spill the beans about something.