Adventures in Gastronomy

…you go to bed but can’t fall asleep. It’s like your body is telling you “you should have come to bed earlier when you originally started feeling tired. Instead, you took advantage of me and I’m going to make you lay awake until I’m damn well and ready.”

That was me last night. I went to bed before Randy and found myself just lying there…thinking. When I finally did fall asleep, I had the most peculiar dream of visiting Randy’s brother again. His wife kept baking cookies for me (yum), but when I was alone with is brother for a few minutes, he said he wanted to ask me a question.

The question? Was I born a woman! He said that I speak so much with my hands that he thought I might be transgender.

Why couldn’t he have just assumed I was Italian? Not that there’s anything wrong with being transgender, but at least the Italians have cannoli.

January 13th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 2 Comments

I’ve always heard of the “one-two punch”, but this winter is now into the double-digits (24-25 punch?) It seems that for every decent day we have, the next day(s) include cloud cover and/or snowfall (or that lovely ice mix like last Wednesday that left snow, turned to slush, turned to ice).

Consequently, after only 4 days back from our Key West trip, Randy was already pushing for another tropical trip. (OK, I wasn’t exactly against the idea, either). After playing around online, I discovered incredibly cheap trips to Cancun, Mexico (only $74 each way on American). In fact, TWO tickets to Cancun is going to cost us less than just one of the tickets we used to get to Miami.

We’re actually not staying in Cancun (yuck, spring break), but we’ll be further south in Playa del Carmen. What started off as only a 5 day trip has now turned into an 8 day trip (adding three days was only going to add $100 per person to the trip). So, on March first we’ll be in Caribbean Mexico (I’ve only been to Pacific coast Mexico). WOO HOO!

Oh, and as if that isn’t enough (Randy REALLY hates the cold), he’s booked us tickets to San Francisco for the first weekend in February, too (4 nights). Our friends, Ben and Sandy, finally closed on their new home so we’re going to pay a visit to check the place out and catch up. It won’t be tropical by any stretch of the imagination in San Francisco (this is their cold/rainy season)…but it should at least be in the 50’s or higher.

I’ll take that.

*Oh, and the above photo is of us changing the flat tire in Florida (well, I’m laughing….Randy and Pete are prepping to change the tire).

January 12th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 3 Comments

Before I move on to the next portion of our trip I did want to clarify that, New Year’s Eve aside, I really enjoyed Key West. We couldn’t have asked for better weather, the Old Town residential areas are lovely, the sunsets are amazing, the water is reasonably warm for swimming (even their mid-winter sea water was warmer than Cape Cod’s at the peak of summer). And in the end we are able to laugh about all of the disasters that went along with our rental car.

And the fun continued into our next destination: Fort Lauderdale.

I’d been to Fort Lauderdale before…twice. These visits were 22 and 23 years ago (damn, I’m old). Back then, it was still Spring Break central. I was too young to participate in those activities at the time, but it was on the news daily. We also stayed just outside Fort Lauderdale so we weren’t affected by the partying. What I did remember from back then was that it was flat and there were lots of strip malls.

Both of those things remain, unfortunately, but the areas along the coast have definitely improved. The beaches are pristine and go on for miles with no end in sight. It’s a very different feeling than New England Beaches (aside from Revere Beach, I suppose) because south Florida beaches consist of one hi-rise condo, apartment, or hotel, after another. To be honest, I kind of liked that. I imagined myself living in one and having the ocean view to wake up to. I wouldn’t want to replicate it up here (I still love dunes and marshes and shingled cottages), but as a partial-year residence I could get used to that.

We also explored Wilton Manors, the gay area. After Fort Lauderdale shut down the spring break celebrations in the 80’s, they began courting a more affluent/reserved clientelle and the gays took over. Wilton Manors didn’t seem that gay from the get-go, probably because (like most of Florida) you have to drive there and the main roads are wide and somewhat pedestrian unfriendly. But we stopped into a strip mall (Shoppes at Wilton Manors) that structurally looked like any of the nicer strip malls you’ll find nationwide. But every single business was gay. It was a riot….their names were so overtly gay we couldn’t stop laughing: GayMart, Humpy’s, Bottoms and Tops, Ball, George’s Alibi (bar), Boom (bar/club), and Java Boys. Oh, and it had an office of the Social Security Administration (Florida is a retirement state after all, and gays do retire!). Across the street was RuffRiders (which had an outpost in Provincetown a few summers ago), and Out of the Closet (the nicest consignmnet shop I’d ever seen… complete with dance club music and free HIV testing).

We actually spent quite a good deal of time there, and across the street at a charming gift shop called “To the Moon.” It’s mostly a novelty shop, but the owner prides himself on collecting (and selling) every brand of candy that has been produced in this country and across the world. He had an amazing collection of items I’d not seen since childhood (like flying saucers…those communion wafter things with sugar beads inside). Each item had a description of it’s origins (ie:, New England, 1970/1980s). And there was a substantial collection of foreign confections, too (ones I’ve sampled while traveling to Europe and Asia). The owner was a hoot and was so passionate about his job that it made me happy. You don’t see that much these days.

We also were driving around Las Olas Blvd on our first day and stumbled upon some sort of street fair where the major roads were all blocked off. We were starving so we decided to park and explore the area on foot. Heading into the garage I asked the attendant what all the hoopla was about. She exclaimed with such pride that it was the World Famous Las Olas Arts Fair. It wasn’t just the Las Olas Arts Fair…it was the WORLD FAMOUS Las Olas Arts Fair.

We explored the art…trust me, there was nothing world famous about any of the items…but it was a fun diversion.

That night, I got together with my high school friend, Candy. We ate at this cute place just north of Ft. Lauderdale on a street closed to traffic with outdoor seating and performances. I hadn’t seen her in years so it was fun to catch up and introduce her to Randy (who she really liked).

The next day we drove down to South Beach in Miami to view the Art Deco District (the buildings on Ocean Ave are so fun). Randy tooks zillions of photos and then we went to dinner with Pete’s father and his girlfriend at the nicest Chinese restaurant I’d ever seen. The food and company were great, and then we headed back out so Randy could continue his photo shoot.

The next day was our last day so we headed straight to Sebastian Beach (gay beach in Ft. Lauderdale) and enjoyed the sites, sands, and sounds. Later that afternoon we checked out of the hotel, drove back to South Beach and explored their beach (where we suffered intimidation because of the perfection in speedos sunning themselves up and down the beach). We also explored Lincoln Road and it’s many shops.

Finally, it was nearly time to catch our flight so we sat down at a gay bar on Ocean Drive and relaxed before heading back (and getting lost…again) to the car rental place. Randy got us all upgraded to first class so we had a nice and comfy ride home (though fairly turbulant).

Now we’re in Boston…it’s 19 degrees…and 5-8 inches of snow will fall tomorrow.

It’s a good thing Randy and I are already looking into our next warm destination for February or March. A yankee like me could get used to it.

*The photo above was from our hotel in Fort Lauderdale. In one direction we could see the city skyling, in the other we could sea the canals and ocean.

January 9th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 4 Comments

As Nancy said, just say no.

Overall, our vacation was great. Yeah, there were a few glitches (no rental cars available despite a confirmation, a flat tire, being unable to find the car rental agency even with GPS), but we were able to laugh those things off and move on. They became funny stories to share with friends back home.

But New Years Eve in Key West was not funny. Nor was it fun.

I’d read about what goes on…a drag queen named Sushi descends from the second floor of a building in a giant red high-heeled shoe. CNN has filmed it over the past few years and was there again this year. Seemed fun enough.

But, boy, did I underestimate the crowds. At each end of Duvall Street there was something ‘dropping’. The Mallory Square side had a conch shell that dropped at midnight above Sloppy Joe’s. After a nice dinner at the condo, we headed to Duvall Street around 11PM. The streets were closed to traffic and were swarming with people. Still, you could walk. But as we approached Sloppy Joe’s, we got caught in a mess of people that barely moved (of course, we didn’t realize this until we were stuck in the middle of it).

We made it through to the other side then decided to return toward the high-heeled shoe by taking a parallel street.

Having not learned our lesson at Sloppy Joe’s, we immersed ourselves into the crowds in front of Sushi. And that’s where things went terribly wrong. Within seconds we were pressed up against other (drunken) bodies as people pushed from both directions wanting to get by. Somehow we managed to make it half way through the crowds (toward the back, though, along storefronts).

Randy was getting shoved by some guy claiming to need to pee, I was latched onto by a short woman saying that she was not trying to molest me but couldn’t help it (she then joked that she was now my best friend since we couldn’t separate from each other). At most times, it was so crowded I couldn’t put my arms down by my side.

Deciding this was all too much, I turned to Randy and said I was heading back out of the crowd (spoken over the head of my new best friend…she was that short). At one point, I was shoved up against the glass storefront windows and was STILL getting pushed by people. It felt like one strong thrust and I was going to go through it (though I’m sure it was just panic). Randy saw a woman collapse (well, she couldn’t fall far because the crowds held her up…I guess she fainted). Within seconds, I lost Randy in front of me and Chris and Pete behind me. I was surrounded by the biggest crowds of my life, yet I was also alone. Odd.

Nearly twenty-five minutes later (and miraculously only an ounce or two of beer spilled on my shirt), I wedged my way into an opening in the crowds. I saw Randy in the distance and made my way over. Minutes later, Sushi came down in her shoe (but we couldn’t see the spectacle anymore).

Chris and Pete got stuck in the crowds and arrived 15-20 minutes later. Apparently, Chris got shoved up against a tree, wrapped himself around it and stayed put until the crowds subsided.

With all of the crowds being shoved up against storefront windows, I’m surprised that nobody got shoved through one. I’m also surprised there was no violence because tempers were flaring (all I could envision were riots after European soccer games).

The next day, Randy and I were walked along that same area. I timed how long it took to walk the same path that took 25+ minutes the night before. This time, it was twelve seconds.

TWELVE SECONDS! Without crowds, you could see that the distance couldn’t have been more than 30 feet. Yet it felt like eternity. Chris said he had fun in the madness. Me? I’ve learned my lesson.

January 8th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 5 Comments

After our rental car fiasco (see yesterday’s post) it took us over 5 hours to finally reach the island of Key West. And for the record, if anybody tells you that you shouldn’t fly into Key West because the drive along the Overseas Highway is so spectacular don’t believe them. It’s a boring ride with nothing to see but water, trailers, tacky shops and palm trees. There are better ways to spend 3-6 hours of your vacation.

That said, we passed over the final bridge onto Key West and drove through the eastern, newer, developed portion of the island that resembles the rest of Florida: ranch houses and strip malls. But once you get into the western half, the Old Town, you know you’ve finally arrived.

Our condo was in an area called Truman Annex, a waterfront complex that was once a navy yard It was just over two blocks to Duvall Street and from our front steps you could see the ocean to the west (but our windows faced north and south). It was a great little condo with two bedrooms, 1.5 bathrooms, and a back yard/deck with gas BBQ.

From what I’d heard, I was expecting Key West to be Florida’s version of Provincetown, MA. It may have been one day, but I think those days are over. The crowds were at least 80-90% straight (and drunk) and the gay bars were clustered in a one block area of Duvall Street. Then again, this is an actual city with a substantial year-round population where as Provincetown has a year round population of only 3,000 or so.

Each morning, we would find cute lizards on the back deck. And walking down the street every day you’d find chickens. Yep, chickens. There is a wild chicken population on the island (and there are fines if you hassle them). Every morning and every afternoon at dusk you could hear roosters. Quirky and fun…I like that.

We also couldn’t have asked for better weather. It was sunny and mid-70’s every single day. We rented bikes and road around the entire island (which is only 4 miles long by 2 miles wide), and we also explored numerous beaches: Smathers Beach, Higgs Beach, and the one we went to most often: Fort Zachary Taylor Park.

This island LOVES its alcohol, with some “Happy Hours” that lasted from 4PM until midnight (so much for the “hour” in happy hour). Randy’s favorite was the $2 Mojito at a place called Island Dogs. I think we went 3 or 4 times during the trip. This is definitely a party town (bars close at 4AM). I found it shocking to see people walking down the streets holding beers and even mixed drinks. In fact, at night, t-shirt shops will put tables with coolers in the front of the store and sell beer to passers-by. There are street front bars where you walk up, buy a cocktail, then keep moving (there’s no bar to sit at….it’s just a counter on the sidewalk).

I saw people drinking and driving (literally swigging the beer behind the wheel). I could have sworn they were teenagers, but Randy thought they could be legal. There are also a bar with go-go boys dancing on the counter with windows open to the street (so you can see men in thongs…or less…getting groped while having dollar bills placed in their jocks). We also stepped into an amateur strip contest (really sad) and the other guys saw a hot cock contest (patrons expose their penises to win money). I sat that activity out and went back to the condo.

There’s also a clothing optional bar (straight) and guesthouses with clothing optional pools and restaurants where you can eat overlooking the naked people.

Now, I don’t find myself prudish. Overall, I’m a “live and let live” kinda’ guy, but I have to admit that I found all of this a little over the top. Each thing on it’s own didn’t really bother me (minus the drinking and driving and/or excessive drinking to the point of stumbling that I frequently saw). I’m all for nudity. I’m all for go-go dancers. I’m all for later bar closings. I just don’t need to participate in some of those activities.

But (and this is probably going to sound bizarre to New Englanders who find Provincetown to be “out there”) I think I prefer Provincetown because it’s more reserved. Yeah, it’s got nudity. It’s got bars showing porn. It’s got drag queens up and down the streets promoting their shows (more than Key West, actually). It’s got more bars. But the crowds aren’t as rowdy (or loud) and it’s more compact. You can actually get into the restaurants for a quiet meal (quiet is very hard to find on Duvall Street). While Provincetown has a reserved chaos, Key West IS chaos.

Toward the end of the trip we were invited to a small cocktail party hosted by friends of Pete’s family in a residential area. It was the most gorgeous house (high ceilings, guest house in back, pool) and the hosts were lovely. But it was here where I first felt a real appreciation for Key West. It was quiet, it was relaxed, and we got to meet 12 or so locals (or at least people who winter there). It was then that I sensed an actual community…away from Duvall Street and the loud bars and drunk 20-somethings. And I think that’s the real Key West.

We were fortunate that our condo was close enough to Duvall Street that we could access it easily, but it was far enough away that we didn’t have to listen to it until 4AM. And the old town residential areas have such gorgeous old homes with covered porches and lush landscaping. Even the newer developments in the Truman Annex were built perfectly to blend in.

All in all, Key West was a blast. I must admit that after the first few days I didn’t think I’d want to return (once was enough, I thought). But after exploring more and more areas away from Duvall Street, I realized that you can make the trip as peaceful and relaxed as you want. I guess there’s a Key West for everybody…the partier, the retiree, the gay, the straight. And in one trip you can enjoy each facet as long as you don’t stay on Duvall Street the whole time.

But then there was New Year’s Eve…

January 7th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 2 Comments

Sure, there were no doctors involved, but I bet if one was, he would have ordered me to go on vacation. Anyway, with two week’s worth of activities to blather on about, I’m going to break it up in multiple posts (besides, that gives you something to look forward to the next day).

It all started nearly two weeks ago. Randy and I drove down to my parents for Christmas. Prior to my arrival, my mother notified me that she brought my dad to the hospital again with Pneumonia (his sceond time in as many months). She made it sound like he was feeling better, but that he wasn’t up for going to our friend’s Christmas Eve party…just in case.

Unfortunately, what Randy and I discovered upon our arrival was a feeble, frail shell of my father. Seriously, he hadn’t cleaned or shaved in days, he never got out of pajamas, he could barely lift his eyes, and scariest of all, he had lost all sense of balance. At nearly 80 years old he kept losing his balance and collapsing. Fortunately, he had a walker to help, but the damn fool kept saying he didn’t need it and would get up, lose balance, then either fall or get caught by one of us (or by a wall).

He needed to be in the hospital, but he refused to go. Consequently, our Merry Christmas Eve, Day, and Day after Christmas were spent worrying on constantly that he was going to collapse and break a hip.

But Christmas wasn’t all miserable. We did manage to have a nice meal, we played lots of games, and had a fun time exchanging gifts. Randy and I went for a nice ride to photograph the holiday lihts on the mansions of Osterville and Cotuit.

And after daily hounding, my father FINALLY agreed to go to the hospital the day after we left. They diagnosed him with hyper-thyroidism and said that the pneumonia was already out of the system. He’s now in a rehab facility building up stregth. Though, it sure would have been nice if he’d listened to us BEFORE Christmas and gone to the damn hospital to be diagnosed (and start recuperating) earlier.

So, on Friday Randy and I drove to Boston, finished packing, and caught our flight to Miami with our friends, Chris and Pete. We arrived arrived and checked into a nearby hotel just after 10PM and immediately headed down to the hot tub. Ah yes, a good start to the vacation.

But things began turning to shit the next morning when Randy and I took a cab to the car rental facility only to find that, despite our 3 month old confirmation, they had no cars for us. Having cell phones, we called their main reservations number only to find they didn’t have a single car in Miami. But wait, it gets worse. We asked them to expand their search…perhaps Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, or Homestead? Nothing. There wasn’t a single rental car available in southern Florida (again, despite our written confirmation number).

We took the cab back tot he hotel room (right now a total expense of $50 wasted) and started going online and calling EVERY auto rental center we could (Avis, Hertz, Enterprise, Dollar, Thrifty, National, etc…) and every single one had run out of cars in ALL of their southern Florida locations.

How the F*&K does this happen? Could they not have sent me a call/email letting me know that my confirmation wasn’t going to be honored so that I could make other plans? Frantic, we called Pete’s father who lives in West Palm Beach. After a few calls he saved the day. He got his condo building’s superintendent, Mel, to drive the four of us down to Key West.

We waited and hour and a half for him to arrive, then spent 5+ hours driving through the Keys in the worst traffic jam imaginable.

OK – here’s where I skip the great middle parts of the trip (beachs, dinners, strippers, Mojitos) and jump to the return drive from Key West to Miami/Ft. Lauderdale. I’ll post about those other great parts in the next few days).

At the end of our trip we managed to find a car rental (at Dollar) in Key West that allowed us to drop the car off in Miami. We made it through the Keys easy enough and were just entering the marshy/swampy Everglades portion of south Florida when “pop”, wiggle, wobble…the rear tire blew. Here we were on a 55MPH two lane highway with traffic coming at us in the other lane. The area was under construction so there was no shoulder to pull into so I pulled over (throgh construction cones) into a ravine of sorts. A muddy/clay ravine.

Between the 4 of us (OK, the 3 of them) we managed to get a replacement tire on (but not until after the jack twisted in the dirty and collapsed the car on us).

Long story short, we needed to get the car to the agency to replace it. The nearest place was Miami…70 miles away. We got there, slowly and wobbly, only to get lost finding the place. Seriously, the signage sucks and we essentially circled the ghettos of Miami dozens of times.

But that’s it for the bad stuff. From here on end, only good memories from a great trip! I promise! Like I said, I can promise you stories about strippers, drag queens, $2 Mojitos, chickens, lizards, 6-toes cats, and Hulk Hogan!

Tune back in tomorrow!

January 6th, 2009
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 2 Comments

(…but not for long).

I can’t believe Christmas Eve is already upon us. I’ve been listening to Christmas music since Halloween, the tree has been up for a month (over two weeks with presents underneath), and Randy and I have a huge pile of Christmas cards that we’ve received.

And tomorrow, we’ll head over the river (well, technically the canal) and through the woods to grandmother’s house (well, Mom and Dad’s) for Christmas Eve and Christmas on Cape Cod with my parents.

But before that, despite all of the holiday cheer that’s been practically oozing out of me for the past two months, I’m hoping to take down the Christmas decorations. I know, I know…it’s not even Christmas yet. But since we’re heading to Key West the day after Christmas and won’t be back until January 6th, I suspect the last thing I’ll want to do upon our return is have a Christmas tree welcoming me back home. Well, not so much the Christmas tree, but the labor involved with removing ornaments and putting them all in their respective boxes and such. I don’t want to have to look forward to that.

December 23rd, 2008
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 2 Comments

The snow never stopped! I got home from work around 2PM on Friday and it just started snowing. Although I know it technically stopped for a spell on Saturday evening, there seemed to be flurries all day during daylight hours. Then it started up in earnest (even worse than Friday) yesterday until, all told, we received about 17 inches of snow.

We shoveled around 4pm yesterday afternoon as it changed to sleet. But we woke up this morning to find another two inches on top of that.

I spoke with my parents last night….Dad went to the hospital on Saturday (has pneumonia again). I spoke to him and he didn’t sound as bad as last time (and he mustn’t have been because they didn’t admit him). But my Mom said the snow they got on Friday was nearly gone after it rained all day yesterday. RAIN!

Now it’s 16 degrees out. ugh.

So, my Christmas on Cape Cod just might not be white…but the 10 day outlook for Key West shows sunny and low-mid 70’s every day. That more than makes up for it.

December 22nd, 2008
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: Comments Off on White Christmas

Oh boy, am I confused. This afternoon is supposed to be our holiday party at work (starting at 4pm). it takes place on-campus in a function hall. Yet this morning I arrived in the office to find an email announcing that the office is closing at noon because of the snow storm.

So….is the party canceled? Why no announcement about that? I wants me some free food and booze.

I think I completed my Christmas shopping yesterday. It’s been tough. Randy and I have discussed this, but we both are in a stage in our lives where we are able to buy what we want/need. Consequently, it makes it tough to figure out what to buy each other for Christmas. We could always buy silly/unnecessary things, but with both of us being somewhat frugal (which could explain why we’re financially comfortable, I suppose) that just seems wrong.

Plus, and I say this with love, Randy is known for returning gifts he doesn’t need/want/like. What’s the point in buying sweet little nothings if he’s not going to keep it? So, aside from the “big” gift (which he already knows about), I’ve purchased a few other things that may (or may not) end up being returned.

Another complicating factor, I’ve realized, is that it’s tough to Christmas shop as a city dweller. It’s funny, as a kid I always thought you could get anything in the city…it’s where everything happens. However, the city isn’t as big on chain stores (the places where you get the major discounts: Target, Costco, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc…). Yeah, there’s a Target in South Bay (Dorchester), but to get there requires a 10 minute walk, a bus ride, a transfer to the redline subway, then another bus (or long walk). And the cute, over-priced Mom-&-Pop stores the city offers (and that you want to help support) all have “no return” policies (exchange only).

Without a car, gift shopping can be tough (this is the one time of year when I realize that). Oh well, a week from today Christmas will be a distant memory…and I’ll be last-minute packing for my evening flight to Miami (and then a 4 hour drive to Key West the next morning).

It was 76 degrees there yesterday.

December 19th, 2008
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: Comments Off on Marshmallow World

I guess it’s time for me to put the scooter in storage because with the weather pattern we’re currently in, I won’t be using it in quite some time. Depending on what station you watch, we’ll be getting between 7 inchs and 12-14 inches. Of course, it’s also going to start mid-day…on the Friday before Christmas…and the day of my employer’s holiday party. D’oh!

And could somebody please explain to me what’s up with that New Jersey couple getting all pissed off because their local grocery store wouldn’t decorate a cake with the name of their son, Adolph Hitler? I should also mention Daddy has swastika tattoos all over his arm/hand. Oh, the three year old boy’s sister’s names is Aryan Nation.

Apparently, the class-act parents say they aren’t racist. But from what I’ve read they are admitted Holocaust deniers. Well, if the Holocaust never happened, why name your kid after Hitler or tattoo his organization’s symbol multiple times on your body? I mean, otherwise wouldn’t Hitler have no claim to fame? Why honor him? Don’t you have an aunt or uncle you could name your kids after?

December 18th, 2008
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 4 Comments