Adventures in Gastronomy

Actually, I KNOW I’m offended. I’m just not sure at who.

Here’s a bit of background since I’m sure you’re dying to know:

As many of you know, I’m a trustee for a trust that a friend of mine created upon her death. The beneficiary is a man in jail (who I’ve never met). At the end of each calendar year, I’m required to create an annual report to provide him with a balance sheet of the funds in the trust (a summary of what went in and what went out of the trust).

I prepared the annual report in February and even ran it by my attorney because I have a history with this beneficiary being difficult (to say the least). She approved the report and I submitted it to the beneficiary. Legally, he has 60 days to return a form indicating his acceptance to the accuracy of the report.

He didn’t.

Instead, he was his typical difficult self and actually sent a letter directly to my attorney saying he wanted her to go to the prison and meet with him to discuss the accuracy of my accounting methods. Meanwhile, she immediately sent the letter to me since she works for me and not him and would need my approval to go there. Long story short, she never went in an advised him to deal directly with me since she would be charging nearly $300 an hour.

Weeks later I received a letter from him with a slew of questions about my accounting methods and after careful review realized that, as I suspected, I had done EVERYTHING correctly and he just didn’t understand basic accounting (numbers in parenthesis are negative, balance sheets are summaries and not detailed lists of every little expense, etc…).

I sent back a rather condescending response essentially telling him that he didn’t know basic accounting and that he wasted my time, the attorney’s time, and nearly $1,000 of his own trust money because of his unnecessary questions.

I was expecting to get a nasty response in return, but instead he actually sent back the consent form (accepting the accuracy of my annual report) along with a very sweet letter thanking me for everything I’d done for him and my late friend’s estate since she died. He explained that he was finally given a copy of a video that was made of the memorial service I coordinated for her (since he couldn’t attend) and that he could see me in the background.

In fact…this is what he wrote (please note that English is his second language):

“It was a very emotional and sad moment, but at the same time I felt joy. The feeling of love, and caring and time you all gave Regina before and after her passing gave me joy and brought an smile to my face…I did recognoized you sitting behind Regina’s brother Larry. I couldn’t miss you, the way Regina described you to me when she told me about you. She told me you look a little like Woody Allen, and she was right. Don’t you think so?”

TWINS?

WTF? I mean, I can accept that I’m not George Clooney, but people think I look like a nebbish Jewish senior citizen? I don’t know who to be more angry with…my late friend or him.

April 7th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 14 Comments

I was very social (electronically, at least) last night and ended up instant messaging with oodles of people. Most prominently, I spent 2 hours chatting with Mike (despite him repeatedly saying he only wanted to chat for 15 minutes so he could continue preparing for tomorrow’s party). I also chatted rather extensively with Karyn.

In my chat with her, we discussed everything from when I brought my parents to the sex shop in Provincetown to living in other counties and finally to the sexual relationships I’ve had with women (yes, I’ve been an equal opportunity provider in my past).

It’s the latter topic that I blame for the peculiar dream I had last night. I can’t recall the beginning of the dream, but at some point I was dating an attractive female graduate student. She was quite petite with long, brown Alicia Silverstone hair (circa Clueless). She also wore really cool glasses similar to those sported by freed hostage, Jill Carroll.

Anyway, we were walking somewhere in Cambridge and ended up sitting in the front room of some random apartment. The relationship was rather new because she had never seen my apartment. We began discussing real estate and I started using the apartment we were at as an example to explain the size and layout of my apartment (this apartment was smaller). Despite it not being either of our apartments, I began giving her a tour…until we discovered the occupants were in the bedroom. Since we didn’t know them, we began walking back to Boston.

She started telling me that when she graduates she plans on moving into this condo development that’s going up in a not-so nice part of town in Providence. I told her I knew of that project but didn’t want to live in Rhode Island. The next thing you know, we’re at North Station and she had just missed her train by 2 minutes.

I invited her over to my place to hang out but we ended up going to the Chinese restaurant my friend’s (Candy) family owned when I was in high school. But we didn’t go there to eat…we went there so I could go to work!

Yes, I worked at a Chinese restaurant. I brought my girlfriend into the kitchen with me and she and a sassy waitress really hit it off as I tried reading the work schedule (which was in Cantonese so I had trouble reading it). I discovered that I wasn’t supposed to work that night…but decided to work anyway since I was already there.

But I’m a slacker and ended up doing nothing productive. Until hours later when there was a fancy black-tie ball going on nearby and I decided to go there and assist. My responsibility was to replenish the stock of creme brulee and chocolate mousse at the dessert station. Instead, I would sit down and pretend to be one of the party guests.

And then I noticed that this was the charity event where my nude photo was being auctioned off. I suspect this is because I got the invitation to the event in the mail yesterday (tickets are $50! EEK).

Then I woke up.

What does this mean?

April 6th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 7 Comments

I managed to get an A on the second paper in my Higher Education Management class. So far I have a B and an A. Veselka Slut has the same exact grades….pluse we’re assigned to the group project together so I suspect that we will end up with an identical grade come the end of the semester. Actually, I quizzed a few other students after the first paper and it seems EVERYBODY got a B on that one. Perhaps he just grades everybody the same?

So, this morning I was grabbing my tooth brush (I use the Sonic system where you have the chargable base and then the brush attachment) when the brush attachment slipped from my fingers and landed in the toilet. There goes $17.99 down the toilet….literally!

Fortunately, I bought the “two pack” the last time I was at CVS and had a spare. Dental hygiene is so inconvenient.

Oh! I can’t recall if I’m mentioned this before, but Mike is hosting a party this weekend with the theme of “Circe at Midnight”. Basically, he’s inviting a bunch of people over to read the naughty sections from James Joyce’s Ulysses. He’s asked me to bring props…so I’ll be packing up a leather whip, a riding crop, a leather harness and hand cuffs.

Now, before you all start judging me, I never purchased any of these items (not that there’s anything wrong with that)! People just seem to have donated them to me over the years (whip from Matt, riding crop from Jeff and Amber, harness from Jason…I’m not sure where the handcuffs came from, to be honest). I must come off as some sort of sex toy Salvation Army where people feel compelled to drop off their stuff.

I’m very fortunate.

April 5th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 9 Comments

I spoke with the blog server person here at Harvard and he told me that I should be able to migrate to the new server later this week. In fact, I will be one of the first here to do so (mostly because of my own persistence and not because of any level of blog popularity).

It’s going to have a completely new look, too. There are loads of templates to choose from – though I must admit that none have jumped out at me as being “the one”. But at least it will be faster (for you) and, presumably, easier to use (for me). Maybe then my readership will go up (just two comments yesterday….TWO!)

Of course, if seems that whenever I post something sexual in nature, I get tons of responses. Maybe I’ll have to come up with something provocative to draw the people in.

I have class tonight and expect to get back my second paper for my Higher Education Management class. You may recall that my first paper was a ghastly B. My fingers are crossed that I did at least slightly better this time around.

Speaking of school, did I mention that my nearly 75 year old mother started college last week? Yep – she retired from a bank at 67 and started working retail (for some extra cash and to keep away from my father so as not to kill him). Her store closed down in September and now she’s participating in a program at Cape Cod Community College for senior citizens looking to hone their computer skills so they can get jobs. She seems to be enjoying herself and told me she has even been helping the confused student at the next computer.

Maybe Mom and I can both have graduation celebrations this spring.

April 4th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 4 Comments

I got together with Mike and one of his best friends, Justin, on Saturday. They picked me up in the early afternoon and we headed down to Newbury Street for lunch. We settled on Sonsie (which I’d never been to, believe it or not). I had a yummy pie-shaped wedge of quiche the size of Nebraska that came with home fries and salad (real men DO eat quiche, dammit). Mike and Justin had simple salads (I’m such a pig).

As we were leaving the restaurant, we managed to walk by a red-faced young man saying the following into his cell phone: “So, I fucked up yet another relationship because of my drinking.”

The three of us burst into hysterics. I mean, I suppose I should feel sorry for this apparent alcoholic. At least he’s admitting he has a problem. But did he need to be having this conversation on one of Boston’s busiest pedestrian streets? Meanwhile, Justin nearly turned back to hang out with this guy because he thought the guy sounded like he knew how to have a good time.

That night (Saturday) I went back to Mike’s place for dinner, DVD (Elizabeth) and rest. On Sunday, I got to meet his Mom and we went out for breakfast at Flour. The rest of the day was a hazy, lazy blur of reading and napping (something I rarely do). It was a gorgeous sunny day yet Mike and I spent the entire day inside his condo.

And that was essentially my weekend. OH! – and my HIV test came back negative (as I suspected it would). YAY!

April 3rd, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 3 Comments

Not only is that the title of the brilliant early 90’s album by the Happy Mondays, but it’s also the story of my week. Well, minus the thrills, I suppose. My little sore throat and cold are getting better (I’m no longer saying “cold/sore throat” after Veselka Slut’s cruel comment yesterday). I’ve been taking Mucinex at night to help keep the coughing down, but it seems the minute night falls, the coughing fits kick in.

As a result, my belly hurts from coughing. (insert sympathtic mini-violins here).

Though, there’s apparently no need to pray for me since a new study has concluded that prayer does nothing to benefit the sick. Did you hear about this on the news today? 1,800 heart surgery patients were studied. 1/3 of them were told they would receive prayer from some church congregations. 1/3 of them were told they MIGHT get prayer (and did). And the final 1/3 was told they MIGHT get prayer (but did not).

In the end there was no statistical difference between those who received prayer and those who didn’t. However, patients who knew they were receiving prayer ended up having more infection complications. Interesting. Those weren’t the results the study had anticipated.

So don’t cry for me, Argentina. I’ll get better on my own. I don’t need your prayers to jinx me.

March 31st, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 6 Comments

Ow.

So I went to the doctor yesterday to get my cold/sore throat checked out. I never go to the doctor for colds or sore throats, but since I managed to catch strep (for the first time since I was a kid) only a month or so ago I figured I should play it safe. So, since it has been nearly 6 months since my last HIV-test, I figured I’d be responsible adult and do that at the same time.

Well, it looks like the thoat isn’t strep (though, the results won’t be back until later today), but the HIV test became quite the scene. I used to not watch as the needle was driven into my arm, but now morbid curiosity has gotten the best of me and I like to see how deep the needle goes in.

Everything was going normally as she tied that rubber band thingy around my upper arm. Then she shoved the needle in about an inch to an inch and a half….then nothing. No blood came out. Not a drop. She slid the needle 3/4 the way out and pushed it in another direction. Nothing. She repeated this 4 or 5 times before removing the needle. With each attempt, I could see the outline of the needle under the skin as it poked in various directions. At this point, it began getting a bit sore.

She ended up going over to my other arm before finally striking oil. I recall that my niece had this problem in the hospital…but I thought it was because she was constantly having IV needles stuck in her so it was difficult finding non-scarred ones. I believe heroine addicts have the same problem. But, damn – my arm hasn’t been injected with a needle since my last test nearly 6 months ago. I guess it was just bad aim on the phlebotomists part.

…and bad luck on my part.

March 30th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 6 Comments

Four days later and I’m still sick. Cough, cough.

Isn’t it funny how the minor ailments are the ones we piss and moan about the most? I mean, I had some fairly complicated and scary surgeries between the ages of 18 and 20, and I had all of my wisdom teeth pulled out in my early 30’s. In both cases I just dealt with the discomfort and fears (I suppose the painkillers helped).

But give me a paper cut or a simple cold and I’m back to being 7 years old. Living alone I’ve forgotten how pathetic (for a lack of a better word) I become when I’m uncomfortable. My house guest Sunday/Monday reminded me in spades, though. He was my roommate from 1990 – 1995 and got to see the best and worst of me. Over and over again.

And this past weekend Jeff was sweetly accommodating in bringing my cereal bowl back to the kitchen sink for me and sitting on the uncomfortable chair so I could lay on the sofa wrapped in a blanket while we watched Lifetime for hours on end. Though, truth be told, he loves Lifetime and discovered the non-stop Golden Girls and Nanny reruns himself while flipping channels.

But the situation did prompt us to reminisce about the good (and not-so-good) ole’ days. We do have some great memories of our days in and just after college. How time flies.

Anyway, I managed to scrounge up some cyber-sympathy from Mike last night so I’ll have to see who I can get more sympathy from today. I’ve not spoken to my parents since Sunday – perhaps it’s their turn?

March 29th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 3 Comments

I’m sick. Sometime between Friday afternoon and Saturday afternoon the symptoms just kicked in full force. It’s just a cold/sore throat…but it was enough to derail a weekend that got off to a good start.

On Saturday I got together with my friend, Tony, for my photo session. I’ll say it now – and don’t you laugh – but modeling is hard work. I have a new respect for Tyra Banks and America’s Next Top Model. Oh yes I do.

As we were on the way to his studio he told me that he had an idea for a series of photos he’s been working on and he hoped I’d we willing to pose for it. He said that he had some props in the back of his car that would be incoporated into the photo.

It started off easy enough with me (fully clothed) simply sitting on a stool – but that’s easier said than done. I’ve never realized how difficult it is to keep your eyes focused. Mine just wandered in every which direction. And I realize when I focus on one object, my face turns into this look of anger. ugh. And if I wasn’t looking angrily at a doorknob (or even the camera), I was blinking or looking at the floor. For every 10 photos taken, maybe 1 came out decent….all because of my wandering eyes.

He also took photos of me standing, sitting, and leaning on my arms. Then he showed me the props he wanted me to pose with: flowers…that’s it.

He brought me into this office to show me examples of the two other people who had posed for this series. One showed a hunky hairy man…completely naked…standing with sun flowers blocking his face. His hands were holding the stem in the region of his unmentionables. The other photo was of nude woman holding a bouquet of flowers over her chest. The stems went down to block her own unspeakables.

In both photos, he photo-shopped them so the person was in black and white but the flowers remained in color. They were quite striking. The models were nude – but you couldn’t see their genitals.

And posing nude is what he wanted me to do.

…and I did.

Yep, I did. He had me disrobe, sit on my knees and hold an enormous bouquet (though, not enormous enough in my opinion). It was the most uncomfortable position I’d been in in my life. I was sitting sideways to the camera, but he had me turn my upper body toward him…but my head away from him. My feet were killing, my knees were killing, my back was killing and my neck was killing. In time, my arms started hurting from holding the lilies. It was completely exhausting. In the end, a few photos came out decent enough to use.

I was shocked to see that such an uncomfortable position could look so natural and even comfortable on film.

And here’s the best part…he asked my permission to submit the photo to a charity auction that’s taking place in May! Yep – my modeling could eventually grace the walls of some wealthy Boston area art lover. Don’t worry – my face is concealed behind the flowers…and there are no distinguishing marks on my body that could lead a person to realize it’s me.

Anyway, in the end I went home with a disk of 15 or so good photos. I tried posting some here but the file sizes are too large and, being sick, I didn’t have the energy to reduce them.

When I got home, I started feeling tired. By the time Mike came over for dinner I had no energy at all. I realized I was catching the cold he had for the past two weeks.

We had dinner at Artu (in the North End) then had planned on going to a bar (or two). But I had no energy. My cold symptoms were getting worse and worse. We ended up hopping on the subway back to his place. But this is where things fell apart. We arrived at his house around 9:45PM only to discover that he left his keys in his mother’s car (they got together earlier in the day). His parents lives 30 miles south of Boston….and none of his neighbors had a copy of his keys. We ended up walking to his best friend’s house, borrowing his car and driving to great outer suburbia to pick up the keys. When we finally got back to Mike’s place (around 11:30PM) I sent him to dbar without me. I went to bed.

On Sunday, I was supposed to meet my friend, Jeff at South Station (he lives in California and came back east to visit his family in Maine). I had a horrible time sleeping since I felt achey and feverish, but I still got up since I was supposed to meet him at 10:30AM. I was dressed, showered and standing at the red line subway platform at 10:20 when he called me to tell me that he hadn’t even left Maine yet and that he’d show up in a few more hours.

ugh. I ended up going home and napping until he arrived. We did walk around the city a bit – but my energy level was so low I don’t think I was a great host. We ended up spending the night watching TV until I went to sleep at 10:15…then I called in sick to work on Monday.

I still feel like crap, but I’m not as achey as I have been the past few days. As Jeff was heading out the door to go to the airport yesterday he said he was feeling a bit sick himself. Oh oh.

March 27th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 4 Comments

MMMMMM – I do loves me some brown sugar. Although, I suspect Mick Jagger was singing about a different type of brown sugar…but I love it all the same.

This morning I got my oatmeal from the cafeteria…and I unlike the plain oatmeal I’ll typically would prepare at home (occasionally with maple syrup added, but normally plain), I mixed my oatmeal quite generously with spoonfuls of brown sugar. This rare sugary-sweet treat is likely to put me on a rare high for the next few hours. Wish me luck as I try to focus.

Oh, look – something shiny!

(10 minutes later)

I’m back.

Let’s see…where was I? Well, I went over to Mike’s last night and enjoyed a meal just as peculair as my pizza, turkey hot dogs and sauerkraut feast from a few weeks ago. This time, however, Mike prepared an ever-so-tasty meal consisting of a caprice salad, breaded fish fillets and asparagus quiche. It all went together better than you’d expect.

Then we watched Will and Grace (rather funny), My Name is Earl (flashback to Y2K…so clever) and The Office (love it – so painful to watch generally, but that last scene as the staff went home for the day was simply brutal!).

And now it’s Friday!

OH – and I tested the new blog server (and program…Wordpress, I think?) and it seems easy to use. I’m hoping to begin migrating next week. Wish me luck as I’m normally clueless about this sort of thing. I figured out how to add photos….but haven’t quite figured out how to get those photos to actually appear on screen (a slight problem). Otherwise, it looks rather easy to use and should be wicked speedy.

Wicked.

March 24th, 2006
Categories: Uncategorized . Author: snarl . Comments: 1 Comment