Girls Club
Two of the three other associates on my litigation team are young women (actually, the majority of the associates in my office are young women). They’re both funny, cute, and quirky. I adore them. Let’s call them A1 and A2.
Last week, the three of us chipped in to buy SP flowers for her birthday. It didn’t occur to any of us to ask the one older (by over twenty years) male associate (A3) on our team if he wanted to contribute. . . or to even inform him of our plans. At least it didn’t until he asked that we include him on future gifts to SP or the JP’s. Worse yet, my initial reaction (which I thankfully kept to myself) was, “Oh, but it was just from the Girls!”
He’s all too often unintentionally left out on that basis. A1, A2 and I have different interests than A3, we spend a lot more time socializing with each other than we do with him, we talk and gossip and look to each other for advice and support. I consider them friends as well as co-workers (as I do most of the associates in this office). A1 pointed out recently that we’re probably guilty of reverse discrimination. I think she’s right. It’s sadly and surprisingly easy to thoughtlessly discriminate and to use friendship to justify it, all the while ignoring its insidious side.
*Hangs head in shame.*
Of course, it’s more complicated than I’m making it out to be. There are personalities and group dynamics involved, but it boils down to making the person who doesn’t fit the mold of a young associate feel left out. As a young asian woman in what is generally a white male dominated field, I really should know better.
posted in Friends, Family, Et Al., Lawyering and the Like, The Kitchen Sink | 1 Comment