My Life, As Told Between (Baby Cakes') Naps

This past Tuesday I celebrated the anniversary of my first full year of working, ever.  Only the rest of my life to go. 

Also, I got Tivo yesterday (neat!) and finally subscribed to The Economist today.  So now I’ll have all these shows I won’t have time to watch and all this reading I won’t have time to do.  Yay!

Two of the three other associates on my litigation team are young women (actually, the majority of the associates in my office are young women).  They’re both funny, cute, and quirky.  I adore them.  Let’s call them A1 and A2. 

Last week, the three of us chipped in to buy SP flowers for her birthday.  It didn’t occur to any of us to ask the one older (by over twenty years) male associate (A3) on our team if he wanted to contribute. . . or to even inform him of our plans.  At least it didn’t until he asked that we include him on future gifts to SP or the JP’s.  Worse yet, my initial reaction (which I thankfully kept to myself) was, “Oh, but it was just from the Girls!”  

He’s all too often unintentionally left out on that basis.  A1, A2 and I have different interests than A3, we spend a lot more time socializing with each other than we do with him, we talk and gossip and look to each other for advice and support.  I consider them friends as well as co-workers (as I do most of the associates in this office).  A1 pointed out recently that we’re probably guilty of reverse discrimination.  I think she’s right.  It’s sadly and surprisingly easy to thoughtlessly discriminate and to use friendship to justify it, all the while ignoring its insidious side.

*Hangs head in shame.* 

Of course, it’s more complicated than I’m making it out to be.  There are personalities and group dynamics involved, but it boils down to making the person who doesn’t fit the mold of a young associate feel left out.  As a young asian woman in what is generally a white male dominated field, I really should know better.   

Since I started working last October, I’ve taken two days of vacation time.  I took a Friday off to go to Cabo over Memorial Day weekend and a Friday off recently to go to Oregon.  While at lunch today, I mentioned that I was looking forward to my upcoming trip to London this December.  JP commented, “Wow, you’ve taken a lot of vacations this year.” 

Lesson:  If you work in a law firm, never tell people when you go out of town and never, ever use the word “vacation” for three day weekends. 

Trial in three weeks.  Too much work, not enough time.  Don’t even know where to begin.  Am literally paralyzed with fear.  Post currently being dictated to typing monkey.  Monkey is threatening to quit due to high workload.  Poor monkey.  Poor me.

*The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random could eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.  Surely it could also handle some trial prep.

First, we won an important motion I wrote last month.  Yay!  (Writing the motion itself wasn’t bad.  I sweated blood over the reply though.)  Second, I almost had to argue a small motion before the court next week.*  Boo!  (See below.) 

SP:  I was thinking, why not have you argue this motion?

Me:  —-

SP:  Y.? 

Me:  Seriously?  You want me to argue it? 

SP:  Yes.

Me:  Um, do I have to?  [You can tell, I’m super ambitious, right?]

SP:  No darling [she calls everyone darling – it’s really cute], you don’t have to at all.  I could easily argue it.  I just thought it would be a great learning experience for you.

Me:  Cause I don’t wanna. 

SP:  Okay.

Me:  Although…I guess I should, shouldn’t I?  I’ll have to sooner or later.

SP:  Wonderful.  It’ll be terrifying, but you will do great. 

Me:   —-

As it turns out, I’m not going to after all because, as several people pointed out, it makes more sense for SP to argue it (given the context of the motion).  I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or highly relieved.  At the moment, I’m leaning towards relieved.

Off to Arizona tomorrow.  Back next week! 

*Before the trial, the court (usually a different department than the one where the trial will be conducted) holds hearings to address various motions that are brought before it.  These motions can include things like asking the court to:  transfer the case to another court, compel the other party to produce documents or respond to questions, exclude evidence at trial, etc.

This week at work:

I fell victim to one of the dreaded prank emails.  A senior associate sent me an email from my friend’s computer stating that she was going to break up with her boyfriend.  I briefly considered picking up the phone to console her, but opted not to because (a) I was on a super tight deadline and (b) she has a tendancy to cry (I can’t deal with tears; I’m a boy like that ).  So instead, I sent her back a consoling email (and no, that is not an oxymoron!).  Luckily I didn’t start trashing her boyfriend, both because he’s a nice guy and because I’ve learned my lesson about trashing friends’ not-necesarily-permanently-ex boyfriends, as this email did not come from her but came from said senior associate.  She made the mistake of leaving her post unattended.  =)  (I guess I also made the mistake of responding via email rather than picking up the phone and asking her if everything was okay.  But really.  Crying!!)

JP was out of the office, but called periodically so I could fill him in on what he was missing.  It’s a law firm.  Nothing much happens.  He always sounds slightly disappointed, like he expected the Apocalypse to have occured in his absence.  I am tempted to lie the next time he calls and make up something about the earth crashing into the sun.

One of the other associates pointed out recently that this job is a two-shift job.  Unfortunately, we have to work both shifts.  Except for weekends.  When we only work one shift.  Each day. 

I actually managed to take a whole day off this weekend to attend the Babydolls’ Bash at Sangria.  (Speaking of which, I wish I could go back in time to when I could have more than one drink and NOT get sick the next morning.  Apparently that time has passed.  Sickness aside, it was terrific seeing everyone.  Even if I was convinced I was going to die the next morning.)  Sadly enough, I couldn’t squeeze in a second day off to go to the Jack Johnson concert on Sunday, although I was in the office until 10pm that night, which is almost as much fun.  (*sarcasm dripping*)  =)

Sure, there are moments when the other associates and I contemplate sustaining semi-serious injuries (car accidents seem to be a favored scenario) as a means of escaping work the next morning, but there are also moments where we just have to sit back and enjoy the insanity that is this firm.  Three attorneys in the office, including the Managing Partner, are particularly notorious for pulling practical jokes.  The newest wave of pratical jokes involve sending emails from another attorney’s computer.  Lately, everyone’s scared to leave their computers unlocked for fear of discovering an embarrasing email had been sent in their name to another member of the firm or to a loved one.  The holy grail is another person’s password because it means unlimited access to his or her email account.  No one is safe.  So if anyone receives a strange email from me, it wasn’t me.  

If I have to work at a law firm, I’m glad it’s this bizarro one.  Now if anyone sees cool, thin and well-rested me in bizarro world, tell her “hi” for me.   

I’m feeling human again.  After a crazy week, SP told me to take off insanely early on Friday (I got orders to leave at 11am, although I stuck around until 3pm) and not to work this weekend because she was worried I was stretching myself too thin and was too much of a trooper to tell her.  She then called my office five minutes later to tell me, in case she hadn’t made it embarrassingly clear during the team meeting, that I had done a fantastic job.  JP ran into my Roomie at the office this weekend and informed her she’s in charge of making sure I didn’t sneak into the office against orders.  I really love these people.  =) 

Slept the sleep of the dead most of the day Friday.  Spent Saturday at a block party in Manhanttan Beach within a few feet of the beach.  The block party was the quintessential SoCal summer experience.  A great reggae band, an abundance of beer, plenty of sunshine and fantastic friends.*  I was not nearly cool enough to be there.  Luckily, I was shielded by super-cool friends, kept my sunglasses on, mumbled that I did “law stuff,” and smiled enough to fool everyone.  =)  For all that I complain about SoCal, it has its good points.  Saturday was definitely one of them.  Thanks all!**

*G, since KQ, KA, ML and I were all there and you were not, we’ve assigned KQ the task of harrassing you to (a) post more and (b) organize our dinner.  There is to be much finger shaking and general nagging until these two tasks are accomplished.

**I realize this post is sadly lacking in sharp, satirical comments and for that I apologize.  I’m feeling much too relaxed and rested to post anything but warm and fuzzies today.  *Hugs all around*

Four days.  14.5 hours of sleep.  I may die.

It’s bad when everyone in the office asks if those were the same clothes you were wearing yesterday.  And the day before.

Three days.  10 hours of sleep.  Two weeks.  No days off.  Running out of steam. . .

Since y’all seem to like the work stories, here are two more funny exchanges.  One’s between another associate on my team and the other junior partner, JP2 (he’s below the SP, but more senior than the other JP), and the other is an email exchange between me and JP2:

JP2 and Associate

Associate: Did you get a chance to look over the objections I emailed?

JP2: Yes, it looks good.

Associate: So I can just print them out and give them to JC to file?

JP2: Yes.  I generally find objections are more effective if they’re filed with the Court. Those silent objections don’t seem to work as well.

An (email) exchange between me and JP2

JP2: The letter is excellent. Let her rip…

Me: Thanks.  I am so lame for asking, but by ‘[l]et her rip,’ do you mean forward the letter to X and ask him to review, sign and deliver it?

JP2: Yup.

[Followed promptly by this email]

JP2: FYI – ‘yup’ signifies my agreement with your statement.

Me:  I’m only mildly lame! =)

[Followed seconds later by a phone call from JP2.]

JP2:  Don’t be offended!

Me:  (Still laughing hysterically)  I’m not offended!  The smilely face was supposed to signify that I thought it was funny.

JP2:  Okay.  Just checking.

I don’t usually post twice in one day. In fact, I don’t know that I ever have, but JP made another funny comment today and minutes later a friend of mine emailed me asking for more work stories, so I thought I’d post this short one. Plus, I really, really don’t want to write this motion.In any case, to provide some background for this story: (1) My eyes are still bothering me so I’ve taken to wearing my new glasses (which I LOVE) to work for the last few weeks. Today, I thought I would try the contact lenses again to see if the problem had magically solved itself (the verdict’s still out). (2) I am wearing a shawl today. This will all make sense in a minute. I promise.

This exchange occured at the office monthly birthday celebration, whereby those of us not chained to the desk that day gather in the kitchen for homemade cake (made every month by the sweetest secretary) to celebrate that month’s birthdays.

JP: (*Noticing I don’t have my glasses on*) “You need to decide whether you’re going to wear glasses or not. This switching back and forth is confusing me.”

Me: “Yes, Sir.” (*Said both meekly and mockingly*)

JP: (*Noticing the shawl*) “What are you wearing? Is that a scarf or something?”

Me: “It’s a shawl. Do you like it?”

JP: “Uh, it’s okay. What does it do?”

Me: “What do you mean what does it do? It’s a shawl. It does this.” (*Gesturing to shawl draped elegantly across shoulders*)

JP: “Oh.”

A few days ago, JP returned a draft of something I had handed him.  Usually my drafts return hemorhaging red ink and shuffling off on its last mortal coil.  This time, it had only substained a flesh wound and was barely limping.  After making the required changes, I dropped by JP’s office to pilfer pretzels, which he keeps in plentiful supply on his desk, and to ask if I could send the document out the door.  He replies, “Yes, thanks.”  I stand by expectantly, a porter waiting for the tip.  After a couple of seconds, JP notices and looks up, slightly baffled.

“Aren’t you going to compliment me?”  I ask, spoiled after too many assigments for SP, who strongly believes in positive reinforcement.

“What?”  He inquires, bemusement splayed across his usually stoic features.

“Well, you barely revised this draft!”  I reasonably point out.

“Barely?”  He says, one eye-brow raised superciliously.

“Don’t you remember how bad the first thing I turned into you was?”

“Yeah.”  He whispers, noticebly wincing at the memory, a distant look in his eyes as he recalls the horror.  “That was really bad.  I guess this is better.”

It’s a good thing I have a healthy ego…

This weekend I . . .

Hung out with a friend visiting from New York.  Apparently MB, the aforementioned friend, feels slightly slighted that I’ve never posted about her or our enduring, inspirational, movie-worthy friendship (happy MB?), so I’m making it a point to do so now.  We spent a good deal of the weekend lounging around my apartment and napping, getting up only to find another surface to nap upon, while my Roommate (another friend from law school) cleaned and did various other productive-type things.  This was reminiscent of law school itself, where I spent the better part of three years napping. 

Drove to Venice, searched endlessly for parking, wept at the utter futility of it all, gave up and went home. 

Inadvertantly ended up amidst a late night freeway drag race.  Because it’s California and stuff like that happens.

Met some new people and finally visited The Underground (the Frog‘s favorite bar in Long Beach).  I had a lot of fun, despite the fact that the eighty-year old woman who’s taken over my body recently demanded that I leave fairly early on in the night.  She was not happy to have been kept up past her bedtime.

Read the latest Harry Potter book.  Yeah, because I’m just not nerdy enough.  It was good, but upon completion necessitated an immediate phone call to my equally nerdy little sister so we could both bawl together.

Bought a boatload of new songs for Apple the ipod.  I’m not going to share which ones because you might stop being my friends if you knew my appalling taste in music (or lack thereof).

Got a little bit fatter.  For the millionth weekend in a row, I did not make it to the gym again.  And I’m supposed to start training for the LA marathon next Saturday.  Hey.  Don’t snicker.

Worked.  A lot.

Decided I’m going to write a romance novel.  Because, really, how awesome would it be to tell people that’s what you do for a living?  “Oh me?  Well, I used to be a corporate lawyer specializing in real estate litigation, but now I write romance novels.  What do you do?”

This is not a tidy job.  It frequently spills over into other aspects of my life.  As much as I try to keep it contained, things just keep spilling over.

I was thinking earlier this week that (1) I complain entirely too much about my job (which I actually oftentimes enjoy) and my life (what little I can squeeze in between my work), (2) I am going to be more efficient and not kill all of my weekends, and (3) I should post about things I’m thankful for (believe it or not, I’m generally a very happy, almost irritatingly upbeat person). . . but then I got a load of work yesterday (all urgent), a request (albeit a very nice one) to work this weekend from a partner who does not realize I’ve been working virtually EVERY weekend, and a gentle reminder to keep my hours up (despite the fact that I work all the time, I think I’m particularly inefficient because my hours are average at best).  So yeah, no warm and fuzzy post today.  Just more ranting.  

WOTWIFLI:  Myrmidon.  

Another Sunday in the office.  And our document management program isn’t working, which means I can’t access any of my documents.  If I were a crier, I’d be on the verge of tears.  Sigh.  If this keeps up, Monday will be truly horrific.  WOTWIFLI:  vicissitude.  As in, days like today are just part of the vicissitudes of life.

Bought an ipod this weekend, basically because everyone else had one.  Plus, a little part of me was hoping that it would inspire me to go to the gym more.  I had no idea how many accessories were vital to keeping the little monster happy.  I’ve named it Apple, partly because it is green and partly because, well, its made by Apple. 

My Roomie went with me to buy Apple.  On the drive back from the store, I asked her a question about how to operate my new ipod.  She showed me hers and explained its features.  I, completely forgetting what inspired my question, commented with all sincerity, “Wow, I wish I had one of those.” 

Off to lunch soon.  I hope.  Waiting for one of my co-workers to talk to the senior partner, who’s been MIA recently, before we head off.  Feels like I’ve been waiting forever.  I hope said co-worker can track down said SP soon as my stomach is ready to consume itself. 

Sorry postings have been rather sparse lately.  I’ve been out of town and work’s been busy.  I finally threw my hands up in the air and went home at 9:30 last night when I kept coming up with dead-ends and couldn’t find an answer to a question I thought needed to be addressed that night.  Of course, I spent the rest of the night anxious (well, the hour I was awake anyways) that I was going to be fired today, only to find out it wasn’t a big deal at all.  And this is why attorneys have ulcers.

And now the moment you all have been waiting for (the moment for which you have all been waiting?).  My WOTWIFLI is pulchritude.  It’s not as exciting as last week’s (yes, I find words exciting, leave me alone) but it’s a word I’ve been coming across a lot recently, as in “Angelina and Brad are a pulchritudinous pair.”  After having seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith, I’d have to agree.  (FYI, the movie was semi-entertaining as long as you suspend all disbelief and moral qualms.) 

*Um, and yes, the title was a not-so clever reference to Waiting for Gadot. 

I survived a solid weekend of work, broken only by a brief jaunt to a white party in honor of the summer solstice, and went to my first baseball game ever yesterday.  Yes, despite living in Boston for three years, I never once saw a game in Fenway Park (please try to mask your shock and horror).  It was a firm summer outing, so we had one of those luxury boxes where you’re surrounded by large screen plasma tv’s and free food and alcohol.  For those of you who aren’t lawyers, summer events are always full of copious amounts of food and alcohol.  I think there may have been a baseball game going on below us, but I can’t vouch for this since I didn’t actually see any of it.

Also, in honor of my friend ML, I’m going to start a Word of the Week.  (Sidenote:  My college roommates and I used to do this.  — Please see above re. shock and horror.)  It’ll star slightly obscure words that I’ve come across at some point and liked enough to remember.  I’m not nearly as consistent as ML though and tend to lose interest in things quickly, so perhaps I should call it a Word of the Whenever I Feel Like It (better known by the easy to remember acronym, WOTWIFLI).  Anyways, this week’s WOTWIFLI is one of my favorites:  callipygian. 

I’ve had a weird experience the last couple of weeks – I’ve been driving home while it’s still sunny outside.  It’s discerning to say the least.  A confluence of factors has brought this about.  For one thing, summer’s finally rolling around and June Gloom is finally wearing off.  I realize that Californians, at least those not living in the fog-filled depths of San Francisco and Berkeley, are horribly spoiled when it comes to weather.  If it’s not 100% perfect 100% of the time, I feel perfectly justified in complaining (after all, there has to be a reason a one bedroom condo can cost close to $1 million dollars around here, right?).  The second reason is that there’s a brief respite at work.  Rather than staying until ten every night and working weekends, I have a perfectly balanced workload with a manageable amount of work to keep me busy for a reasonable amount of time during the day.  So of course, instead of working at a reasonable pace, I’m doing nothing, billing nothing, creating a deficit of hours, and consequently using up my “vacation” time on Coffee Bean runs and chit chat.  What’s wrong with me?!

And just so this post isn’t completely about me whining, this play sounds interesting.  It might dovetail nicely into this book that I’ve been reading forever now.  I think if I stop starting other books in between chapters of it, I might finish it sometime soon.  Oh, and I recently received one of those emails filled with pictures of adorable, fluffy, baby animals, complete with a saccharine message about friendship.  I’d post it here, but (a) I don’t know how, (b) I’m afraid it’ll ruin my reputation as a hard-nosed pragmatist, and (c) I didn’t want to overwhelm anyone with that much cuteness without adequate warning.  =)  Let me know if you want a copy. 

[UPDATE:  Scratch that, rush assignment, due Monday.]