In my mind I paint a picture
of myself: the perfect mixture,
Invent a me that’s in control,
Have all these thoughts colliding
in my head, feelings dividing
Should’ve payed closer attention to
Those supposed holy scriptures
If I really trusted angels and prophets and mystic teachings,
I wouldn’t waste my time searching for different meaning
I hope it’s not my fault that I’m troubled with all these demons
I think it’s just this world, too many changes of season
Cause if I really had some faith, I’d live what I was preaching
I struggle with this mental image
Tossing and turning
Am I even that special
Is my life that deserving?
My faith tells me to leave this world aside,
that’s too obscure for me
Else why am I still fighting
Through all this insecurity?
But somehow life always brings me back
Kneeling in your presence here,
I let you gaze upon me while I
simply exist, no fear
See right and wrong before me,
still somehow always run
I rarely choose you, yet you call me Chosen One
Suddenly, I see the answer so clear
Everything I’ve been searching for,
in front of me, draws near
I’ve nothing to prove, I’ve nothing to earn
Yet the one who made the stars,
For my heart freely yearns
If this abounding love is promised to me,
Why waste my time aspiring to be
A person I’m not for somebody else’s pleasure?
An imitation for them, while I’m another One’s treasure?
I trust angels and prophets and even most mystic teachings,
I don’t waste my time searching for different meaning
I know it’s not my fault that I struggle with all these demons
It’s just this world we live in, I know this is the reason
But this faith that I’ve grown helps me live what I’m preaching
And now I’m quite certain I’ll keep on believing
For this week’s blog, I have decided to take my own shot at poetry. I’ve never been a poet, a lyricist, or anything creative, but faith is something that I think is universally understood by those who’ve experienced it. Something that struck me from week nine’s lecture was the phenomenon faced by these poets in attempting to express this suprarational and supernatural experience of spirituality that is experienced outside of time and space. I have witnessed first-hand how difficult it can be to verbalize or quantify faith, because it does very much exist on an other-worldly plane.
Something I loved about the ghazals was that they expressed divine love by drawing analogies to an experience that would resonate with most readers: carnal, romantic love. Although my poem veers off the traditional ghazal form and doesn’t revolve around the human love experience, it does center in around another experience that I believe is a tangible point of relatability amongst other people my age. The use of symbols and analogies is in fact, intended for this purpose—to find a common ground that the audience can read or listen from.
The issue of self-image is one that I believe affects all young people at one point or another. For me, it is definitely something that was heavily felt throughout high school and through my transition into college. Finding an identity worth embracing and becoming vulnerable enough to share it with the world is a challenge. Through this poem, I try to show that my faith played a big part in solidifying that confidence and authenticity of self. In writing this poem, I kept Mirza Ghalib’s quote pulled up on my computer, “Heaven inspired are my poetic thoughts, the scratching of the pen is the voice of a heavenly angel.”
I don’t mean to say that these thoughts are angelic, or that I am closer to God than any other spiritually inclined person, I’ve only tried to convey a personal struggle and in it, show that this is where God met me. In the deepest recesses of my insecurity, God showed me who I was in Him, and this is something I’ve never forgotten.