50-50 Policy Rules

DAMADOLA, Pakistan — An air strike in
a remote Pakistani tribal area yesterday killed at least 18 people, and
a senior Pakistani official said the target was a suspected Al Qaeda
hideout that may have been frequented by high-level operatives, possibly
the number two leader Ayman al-Zawahri.

Citing unnamed US intelligence officials, US networks reported that it
was a CIA strike and that Zawahri, Osama bin Laden’s top lieutenant, could
have been at the compound in the Bajur area or about to arrive.

There was no confirmation from either the Pakistani or US government, but
a senior Pakistani government official told the Associated Press that ”there
is a 50-50 chance that some Al Qaeda personality was at the home" that
was hit.

In related news, doctors at Bethesda Naval Hospital
announced that they have decided to perform emergency brain surgery on
Vice President Dick Cheney because "there is a 50-50 chance that his
dementia has a physiological source." The National Parks Service announced
that 4,714 separate sites have applied for Historical Site Designation
because "there is a 50-50 chance that George Washington slept here."

In the business section, 16 million mortgage applicants
were simultaneously denied loans today, after banking industry computers
predicted that "There is a 50-50 chance they will miss a loan payment
at some point during the coming three years." And California Governor
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced plans to peremptorily confine all minority
youths between the ages of 15 and 25 in special camps since statistics
show "there is a 50-50 chance that they will commit a felony during
the coming decade."

How much easier everything would be if we could
simply decide everything by the "50-50" rule. No more pesky 2/3 votes
to amend
the constitution. No more "beyond a reasonable doubt". Democracy Unleashed! What
could be more appropriate in a country where there is a 50-50 chance
that a registered voter will actually vote in a Presidential election?

from the
Boston Globe