Half-Cocked to Vote

To the true fan of American Democracy, that bastard mix of egalitarian fundamentalism and high-tech sleazy showmanship, Election Day is the Ultimate Holiday, combining the best elements of Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Veterans Day, the 4th of July, Eid, the Jewish High Holy Days, the Easter of the Resurrection and the Mexican Day of the Dead.

So it was with a celebratory air that we bounded from the house this morning, across the street to the Hellenic Cultural Center where to do our democratic duty – double-duty in fact. For not only were we exercising our democratic franchise, but also dusting off our Citizen’s Journalist Union Card to act as a sort of Cyber-Sentinal on patrol against subterfuge, chicanery or other electoral improprieties. Eternal vigilance, after all, is the ultimate price of liberty.

A few days earlier we came across the web page for Video the Vote. What a great idea! It said, "Stopping voter suppression, by observing the vote. And sharing the results—on Election Day." Wow – so simple, so effective. A hundred thousand citizen journalists video-recording at every precinct in America! Catching the bastards red-handed as they try to steal the election. Whoever the bastards turn out to be. So simple, so perfect an idea that we didn’t think we had to read the fine print. We didn’t think we had to officially register as a Video the Vote Videographer. Mostly, we didn’t think at all.

Instead, we stumbled into our precinct with our eye behind a lens and the bytes rolling, narrating as we walked – right into a gigantic cop.

"Where do you think you’re going?" he asked.

"To vote, officer," we replied respectfully.

"Not with that camera," he opined.

We went into our best authority-bluffing bullshit mode. We claimed to be an "official registered observer" for a national poll watching organization. We claimed to be a citizen journalist covering the voting for an independent publication. We argued that this was the quintessential public event, and so of course it was eligible for press coverage. We noted that every election day we see footage of the President, Governor and other candidates casting their ballots, so if its OK to film George Bush voting, then why not the Dowbrigade. We even insinuated that not allowing the camera into the voting hall would be taken as evidence that there was something there to hide. "What is it you don’t want the public to see?" we wondered aloud.

We are extremely fortunate we weren’t arrested. Instead, we were politely asked to take a seat while the poll manager called the City Director of Electors. After about 15 minutes, the local manager, accompanied by the cop, came back to deliver the verdict.

"You can vote, but the camera stays here."

We politely declined, either to vote or to leave our camera there, and beat a hasty retreat. We were late for work. As soon as we got to the office, we checked the Video the Vote web site, looking for the Hot Line number to call for legal assistance. And finally read the instructions.

Of course, we had gotten it completely wrong. We were not supposed to take our cameras into the polling places. We were supposed to interview voters OUTSIDE the polling place, after they had voted, and ask them if they had had any problems or noticed anything strange. Cameras are allowed in polling places only when accompanied by official press passes and previous written permission from the local Election Board. Neither of which we had.

After work we returned to the polls and apologized to the manager. And voted. Anyone interested in seeing the embarrassing video of the Dowbrigade making an ass of himself by trying to film the vote, can CLICK HERE. For some reason, we are unable to embed the video tag in our posts in this Manila-based blog, although it takes most other html tags.

Bottom line – we didn’t notice anything weird or irregular – except when we looked in the mirror.