Gringo Manaba

Adventuras y Fantasias or Fantastical Adventures

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Archive for the 'Wacky News' Category

Waterworld Wired

Posted by dowbrigade on 1st August 2007

(Watertown, MA) – Tired of swimming laps with nothing but the sound of water sloshing in your ears, while your land-lubber mates work out to the latest tunes or podcasts? A Watertown company has come up with a solution: an MP3 player and high-response headphones built into a stylish swimming cap.

Tuneslapper Swim Caps feature a 2 GB flash memory mp3 player embedded in flexible, waterproof plastic which is in turn incorporated into an ordinary-looking swimming cap. The manufacturer, AudioAquatics, designed the music system to be inconspicuous, in anticipation of potential objections by pool operators reluctant to allow electrical devices into the pool.

“The Tuneslapper caps are perfectly safe and operate on such low voltages that even if the battery chamber were breached there would be no danger to the user or other swimmers. Nevertheless, once you have the cap in place and turned on, no one will know you are bopping to your favorite beats,” according to Michael Feldman, AudioAquatics product designer and CEO.

The recharegable battery is built of flexible layers of lithium and ionized carbon built into the back of the cap, and recharged through a tiny connector that folds into the cap when not in use.

The headphones themselves are also an innovative flexible design, which cover the ears and offer superior acoustics, even underwater. There is even a small flexible 3-line LCD readout to deliver information on track, playlist, volume, etc.

However, adjusting the cap once in the water can be a problem, as it must be removed from the head in order to see the LCD or reach the controls, not to mention the difficulty of flying under the lifeguard’s sonar while staring at and repeatedly pressing your swimming cap. It is best to load and lock in the locker room, and then let it play throughout your swim.

Whether you fancy a leisurely crawl to Handel’s Water Music, a strong backbeat backstroke to Beastie Boys Intergalactic, a ballatic breaststroke to a Dolly Parton torcher, or a frenetic butterfly to speed thrash standards, the Tuneslapper can provide the soundtrack to those who prefer to get their exercise in the swimming pool.

all rights reserved – investor inquiries welcome

Posted in Humor, Technology, Wacky News | 6 Comments »

Bulking Up Bowser

Posted by dowbrigade on 14th July 2007

This is Wendy the Whippet, the dog whose appearance is a long way from the usual long, lean and sleek look of her breed.

She was born with a genetic defect which has left her looking like the Incredible Hulk of Hounds.

While her head, heart, lungs and legs are the size of those of a normal whippet, her gene defect means she is “double muscled”.

She weighs 4st4lb – twice as much as she should – and has bulging neck muscles, burly shoulders and haunches like a baboon. And unlike ordinary whippets known for their lithe and narrow frame, this four-year-old pedigree doesn’t just have a sixpack stomach, she has a 24-pack.

But while she may look oddly menacing, her doting owner Ingrid Hansen claims the giant pooch likes nothing better than clambering up on to your lap to have her back scratched.

“People have referred to her as Arnold Schwarzenegger,” she said.

“She’s healthy and happy. That’s all that counts.

“She doesn’t know she’s got a genetic defect. She might give you a nasty lick, that’s all.”

from the Daily Mail (we are in London, after all)

Posted in Wacky News | 42 Comments »

Los Gringos Ya No Saben Que Inventar

Posted by dowbrigade on 20th June 2007

beerglaz.gif

Bold new design or brazen attempt to inject fresh fizz into an old product, the Samuel Adams Boston Lager Pint Glass was rolled out in February . According to Koch and others who worked on the project, it’s the first beer glass created not by marketing experts or glass designers but by a brewer interested in one thing only: how beer tastes when poured into it.

Boston Beer’s new brew glass – Boston.com

Do You Want Nucleation with your Brew?

Posted in Wacky News | 2 Comments »

Guantanamo Hilton

Posted by dowbrigade on 11th June 2007

guantanamo21.jpgApparently, Paris Hilton can’t be kept in the county jail because it a threat to her and the other inmates, and a temptation to the jail employees. The sheriff was reduced to strip searching all guards, maintenance people, delivery guys, lawyers and visitors, looking for cell phones, given the six-figure bounty on authentic pictures of Paris in jail being offered by several celebrity web sites.

In addition, it was getting tense with the jail and courthouse under siege and surrounded by dozens of video vans, satellite uplink antennas, and hundreds of intrepid reporters, accosting anyone coming or going who may have had a hint of a sniff of a clue as to how the poor girl is doing.

The solution is simple, according to son Gabriel. Move her to Guantanamo! Let the Paparatzi try to get to her there!

Certainly Paris herself can’t complain about three weeks in the sunny Caribbean, at an exclusive government retreat, 3-squares a day and plenty of exercise (see aerobics class photo above). No distractions, do photo ops, and no danger to her or the other inmates. Plus, from what we hear the other prisoners down there could use some cheering up. She could even join an Islamic study circle or a hunger strike, if she is so inclined. Seems like a no-brainer.

For readers who just can’t get enough of Paris in Jail, we present “The Prision Life: Paris” from the GSN game site, in which you help Paris keep up with the demands of prision life. Click on the speaker icon to nix the annoying music.

Posted in Humor, Wacky News | 4 Comments »

Trucker Tries Unique Hood Ornament

Posted by dowbrigade on 9th June 2007

maninwheelchair.jpg(AP) A 21-year-old man got the ride of a lifetime when his electric wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was pushed down a highway for several miles at about 50 mph.

Ben Carpenter was unharmed but was taken to a hospital as a precaution. He had been secured to his wheelchair by a seat belt. Carpenter, who has muscular dystrophy, told a television station that he thought he might not make it through the ride.

“I was probably thinking that this is going to keep going and not stop anywhere, 50 or 60 miles somewhere,” he told WOOD-TV of Grand Rapids.

Ben Carpenter’s father, Donald, told The Associated Press that his son had started to cross at an intersection Wednesday afternoon in Paw Paw, about 140 miles west of Detroit. The light changed to green while his son was in front of a semi, which started moving.

The wheelchair’s handles became lodged in the grille, the father said, and the wild ride started.

Motorists called police on their cell phones, and a pair of undercover police officers who happened to be nearby saw what was happening. They pulled the truck over and told the disbelieving driver, Donald Carpenter said.

The chair was undamaged except for losing most of the rubber on its wheels, he said.

“It’s a very bad story that ended very well,” he said. “We’re just thrilled that he’s still around.”

from CBS News

In another example of the ubiquity of cellphones producing red-hot eyewitness reporting, the photo appears to have been taken before paramedics were able to surgically detach poor Ben’s frozen fingers from his testicles.

Posted in Wacky News | 1 Comment »

Mr. Mush’s Cure for Tummy Upsets – Live Frogs

Posted by dowbrigade on 6th June 2007

eatingfrogs.jpgBEIJING (Reuters) – A man in southeast China says 40 years of swallowing tree frogs and rats live has helped him avoid intestinal complaints and made him strong.

Jiang Musheng, a 66-year-old resident of Jiangxi province, suffered from frequent abdominal pains and coughing from the age of 26, until an old man called Yang Dingcai suggested tree frogs as a remedy, the Beijing News said on Tuesday.

“At first, Jiang Musheng did not dare to eat a live, wriggling frog, but after seeing Yang Dingcai swallow one, he ate … two without a thought,” the paper said.

“After a month of eating live frogs, his stomach pains and coughing were completely gone.”

Over the years Jiang had added live mice, baby rats and green frogs to his diet, and had once eaten 20 mice in a single day, the paper said.

from Reuters

Like millions of other Americans, the Dowbrigade suffers from digestive problems. Since our ignominious Med-evac from South America last year, we have been afflicted with a veritable plague of stomach and intestinal problems. Bloating, farting, belching, cramps, diareahea, stabbing pains, aching pains, nausea, acid reflux, difficulty swallowing, gas and a nasty scar are our constant companions. This may be our answer.

Our attorney is currently trying to track down Mr. Mush, as we are anxious to bring “Musheng’s Mush” to the suffering masses of American bellyachers. Me already have the formula down, a gourmet puree of frogs, rats and mice, mixed with a few unpronouncable Chinese herbs, and packaged in an Imperial dragon bottle in deep red and gold. As you can see, we have put a lot of thought and effort into this project.

While our lawyer looks for Mr. Mush, we are searching for a grant which could fund the project. Something to do with traditional medicine and ethnobotany, or a humanitarian award for alleviating the suffering of millions.

Posted in Wacky News | 2 Comments »

Zombies Invade Upstate New York

Posted by dowbrigade on 18th May 2007

rochesterzombie(May 18, 2007) — More than two years after their grim work began in Rochester, four human-tissue recovery workers and three local funeral directors have been charged with taking bones, skin and other material from corpses without obtaining consent.

A 179-count indictment unsealed Thursday focused on the cases of 36 people who died in 2005 and whose remains were sent to three Rochester-area funeral homes to be prepared for cremation. Instead, the indictment said, the remains were plundered for valuable tissue while grieving loved ones were kept in the dark.

from the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle (our first job in media)

What are the authorities keeping from the public? Obviously, there is either a serious zombie attack in upstate New York, or a relative of Dr. Frankenstein has set up shop. Neither would be that surprising for this hotbed of liberal eccentricity……

Posted in Humor, Wacky News | 4 Comments »

I Think My Mouse Is Dead

Posted by dowbrigade on 4th May 2007

deadbeaverA US artist and inventor has combined IT and taxidermy to create a computer housed in a dead beaver.

Kasey McMahon, 34, from Los Angeles, spent three months creating his Compubeaver, reports Metro News.

And, in separate but related news, two more US inventors created a computer mouse housed in a real mouse.

Ms McMahon said of her Compubeaver: “I started thinking about the most ridiculous thing to put a computer into and decided it had to be a beaver.

deadmouse“It looks at how nature relates to technology.”

She bought the beaver ready-stuffed, before cutting out the foam insides with an electric kitchen knife. Once she had cut space for the computer tower, she reinforced it with fibreglass.

Meanwhile, biologist Christy Canida and environmental studies graduate Noah Weinsrein took the concept of a computer ‘mouse’ to its natural limit.

Both contribute to the Instructables website – which describes how to make similarly odd creations – and made the mouse using the skin of a real rodent bought dead from a US pet shop.

from Ananova

That’s all we need. Our cats have already smashed three mice, getting tangled in the cords, pulling them down from the desk just for fun or in a pique of attention deficit disorder. On the other hand, a nice tortoise shell might make an attractive computer case….

Posted in Wacky News | 7 Comments »

Stay Away From the Chips

Posted by dowbrigade on 24th April 2007

poyokoAfter years of applying for every exotic posting, niche program, foreign conference and off-shore exchange related to our professional position, the Major Boston University where the Dowbrigade has been gainfully employed since ’88 (a good year), despite our reputation as a brilliant but eccentric loose cannon we are finally getting to go somewhere.

In July, just in time for Wimbledon, the Dowbrigade will be traveling to exotic London, of all places, to teach the basics of the American Legal System, of all things.

It has been 36 years since we have been to the Olde Cuntry. The last time we were there we were busted for smoking a chillum huddled under an azalea bush in the Queens Garden across from Buckingham Palace while waiting for the changing of the guard, and given 48 hours to leave the country.

Which we did. We guess we’ll find out if the Bobbie who told us to do so and with a straight face wrote down our passport numbers in his little, leather-bound black book managed to get the information into our “permanent file”.

Hopefully, some things have changed in the last 36 years, both in Merry Olde England and in the personal habits of the Dowbrigade, but not too much. We envision erudite intellectual morning discourse on topics like Habeas Corpus, Res Juridica, and Sanjaya Malakar, rousing afternoon mixed doubles with a smashing (on court and off) heiress with the demeanor of Anne Robinson (the Queen of Mean), and evenings spent in tweedy smoke-filled pubs chatting up marvelously accented locals with tales of Yankee daring do.

Accordingly, we have been monitoring news about all things British, specifically in the areas in which we will be spending time, so as to be prepared for whatever we may encounter. Unfortunately, yesterday we came across the following item:

A man burst into a busy central London restaurant and chopped off his own penis with a knife in front of horrified diners, police and reports said today.

The man – identified by the Sun as a 35-year-old Polish national – ran into Zizzi, in the Strand, at 9pm on Sunday.

“This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about,” Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the paper. “Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn’t believe it.”

A Scotland Yard spokeswoman said a man aged between 30 and 40 was the only person hurt in the incident, and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

He was taken to hospital, where his condition was described as stable.

From the Guardian Unlimited

We’ve been warned about London restaurants. Luckily, our flat comes with a kitchen……

Posted in Friends and Family, Wacky News | 3 Comments »

Stoned Ponies Open for Rolling Stones

Posted by dowbrigade on 17th April 2007

drinkyhorseA troupe of performing horses are to be given sedatives to help them cope with a Rolling Stones gig.

The horses will be in the stadium for the Stones concert at the Hippodrome in the Serbian capital Belgrade on July 14.


The animals live at the stadium where they make regular performances for locals, and managers at the stadium say they have no other place to move them before the concert, so they will have to stay.


Hippodrome director Jovanka Prelic said: “We are not too worried, although it is not ideal, but they survived NATO bombings so I guess they will survive the Rolling Stones, and in any case, we will give them drugs to make sure they do not get too upset.”

from Ananova

Posted in Humor, Wacky News | 1 Comment »

Whitey Bulger Busted in Berlin

Posted by glasscastle on 31st March 2007

MILAN— Infamous Boston mobster James ‘Whitey’ Bulger was arrested Wednesday night at the Heavenly Acres trailer park in Milan where he has been hiding for the past three years.

Striking in the middle of the night, FBI agents set up barriers and surrounded the modest trailer. Bulger’s longtime girlfriend, Catherine Greig immediately surrendered, running out of the trailer with her hands over her head, dressed in a skimpy green negligee.

Bulger, however, refused to give up. He kept police at bay for several hours but finally surrendered after agents set up loud speakers and blasted Barry Manilow tunes at the building.

As the alleged leader of the Boston-based Winter Hill gang, Bulger is alleged to have been involved in scores of killings and is wanted for murder, racketeering, money laundering, narcotic distribution among other charges.

On the FBI’s ten Most Wanted List, Bulger was the inspiration for crime kingpin Francis “Frank” Costello, played by Jack Nickerson in the movie ‘The Departed’.

Bulger had successfully eluded authorities since 1998 but in the end the aging gangster’s body gave him away. A nurse at Androscoggin Valley Hospital official saw the 77-year old Bulger’s picture on America’s Most Wanted and recognized him as a former patient who had undergone minor surgery at the facility for hemorrhoids.

She notified authorities and is in line to cash in on the $1 million reward.

Burger and Greig locally went by the names Tony and Carmela Alto. Neighbors at Heavenly Acres described them as a quiet couple who enjoyed barbecuing on their Weber gas grill.

“They seemed so ordinary – just like regular folks,” said Mary Smith, who asked that her real name not be used. “Although come to think of it, they never had much company. And when they did it was always strange-looking guys with names like No-Neck and Li’l Antony.”

Another neighbor said the two did a lot of walking and Bulger was fond of the fried haddock plate at Northland Restaurant. He occasionally attended mass at St. Anne Church where he liked to pass the collection plate. Church officials said receipts for masses that Bulger worked were about 20 percent lower than usual.

The pair were regulars at Sunday night Bingo at the V.F.W. Club. One volunteer worker described Bulger as polite and said he liked to play a lot of cards. The worker, however, recalled an incident in which Bulger knocked over the card of a player sitting next to him after the player had called Bingo before him.

“It was apparent Bulger was mad the player had reached Bingo before him. He had been waiting some time for one letter and it was a big jackpot. He had a killer look in his eyes,” the volunteer said.

After his arrest, Bulger was taken before Berlin District Court Judge Ann Wallace for bail hearing. The mobster, rumored to have been a ladies man during his years in Boston, winked at the judge and asked if she remembered him. The judge was not amused, noting that the balding Bulger was hardly someone she would let under her robes.

That comment elicited an angry outburst from Bulger who had to be physically restrained. As he was dragged from the courtroom, Bulger yelled, “I can have you killed. You’ve messed with the wrong man.”

from the Berlin Daily Sun

Well, it’s about time. Just like that wiley SOB to be hinding right under our noses, in a trailer park bunker in Berlin…..

Posted in Wacky News | 8 Comments »

The Dog Ate It, Doc

Posted by glasscastle on 28th March 2007

A Chinese woman escaped jail after she cut off her husband’s penis and threw it out of the window.

The man drove himself to hospital – but doctors couldn’t reattach the organ as it had been eaten by a dog, reports Jinling Evening Post.

Yao Fengfang was given a three year suspended jail sentence after her husband, Li Gengbao, asked the judge to be lenient.

Li, a taxi driver in Nanjing city, said he wanted his wife to keep her liberty so she could look after him for the rest of his life.

Yao suspected her husband, of having an affair with his ex-wife and confronted him after seeing his taxi parked outside of her house.

On the way back home, Yao threatened to ‘disable’ his husband but he thought she was bluffing. Li went to bed early but he was woken at midnight by a sharp pain.

He said: "My wife was holding a large part of my penis, and I pleaded with her to send me to hospital immediately, but she refused firmly, and when I pleaded with her to give me back the cut penis, she threw it out of the window."

Li wrapped his wound with a pillow cover and drove his taxi to Nanjing City First Hospital.

The hospital carried out emergency surgery and sent staff to look for Li’s severed penis, but found it had been eaten by a neighbour’s dog.

from Ananova

Posted in Wacky News | 5 Comments »