Sitting by the phone all morning and waiting for the clinic to confirm a date/time for a DC surgery.
The feeling of carrying a dead fetus in my body sucks. I want to move on (both emotionally and physically) but knowing it is still in my body, making the whole grieving process so difficult. There’s nothing you can control.
I just want to put on my sneakers and run off my pain. But I can’t do it. My body is still functioning as a 10 weeks + old pregnancy woman…I can’t run with this gravity.
I can’t put my mind together for the things I need to do today: study, prep for case study, replying professor’s Qs. Nonetheless, I have a group meeting this Sun. What if my surgery is being held Fri? Will I still have the strength to make the call? Or should I ditch it? But no! I need something to keep me occupied. I can’t control the life of a fetus. At least, I have a say in my education, my grade.
My dog seems to know something is up. She has been following me all morning but didn’t harass me for foods or anything. I think animal’s instinct is pretty remarkable. Her companion is priceless, esp in this stage.
I just want to run. Have my head up and run as long as I can…