I had my DC surgery yesterday to remove the fetus. It was an emotional scene before I was wheeled to the Op room.
We met my surgeon (also my OBGYN) at the Pre-Op unit to go through a few Qs before the procedure. My husband wanted to get a final confirmation from my doctor if the ‘baby’ is really showing no sign of life. Some might call it the ‘stage of denial’ but for a split sec (or mins), I too hope that may be there were 2 babies there that one has been hiding without being noticed. I even hoped that someone would rush into my room saying it has all been a mistake and the surgery is needed to be cancelled….
Yet, we have to accept the reality that our baby has gone long before we know it.
My husband kissed my belly and said goodbye to our child. It was heartbreaking.
I saw the word “abortion” on the medical chart as the official procedure name. Although I understand it is just the sake of a medical term, my tears started running as it isn’t an intended termination that I wish to perform on my body. Everything was perfect. Timing was perfect. I could have delivered this baby soon after my graduation. We could celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with this little pea. I praised God for such fantastic schedule.
Now, it becomes the schedule for our recovery.
I cried my way to the Operation Room. The anesthesiologist pad my shoulder as he seemed to understand what’s going on…I took a final look at the room to remember it is my last day and location where I have to farewell my child.
I woke up at exactly 11:45am in the Post-op room. The immediate feeling was relief. I knew not only I made it through the surgery, but I also left behind my past in the other room. I am officially entering into a new stage of grieving.
My uterus is now an empty castle.
At least my husband and I experienced of being parents for the past 10 weeks…