Soon after I knew about my miscarriage, I started looking up tons of information (solutions, causes, diagnosis test, etc). But surprisingly, the only take away I had after reading pages and pages of info…the only thing that stick in my mind was “we all grief differently. Don’t force your partner to grief the way as yours…”
It all came down to what I want to do to make this pain less hurtful.
I wanted the world to send blessing for my unborn child. First and foremost, wherever s/he is, I wanted this child to be accompanied with love and peace.
So I immediately texted a friend of mine in Kauai, who goes to a local temple. I asked her to give us a prayer.
I also wanted my close friends and families to know I need companions. I needed someone to grieve and cry with me. I am too fragile to handle this all alone. I lost a child. How can I bury it with silence? Why should I bury myself with pain and loneliness? So I went to my personal blog, made the announcement and sent it to a few people.
The responses were surprisingly warm and loving. While we have no families and relatives nearby, the virtual connection from texts, email and phone call were essential for me to survive the first (darkest) few days.
A couple days later, I wanted more people to know. Not much about asking people to sob with me…but I want the bigger world to know my child, our child has left us. It’s a life that deserves attention and love. Yet, s/he didn’t make it to see the world. I want ‘us’ to recognize his/her presence. I want our baby to know ‘we’ are showering him/her with love and gratitude.
It is also an ‘outlet’ for me to send a message to the world that I could never reach.
And then I hit the ‘Post’ button on Facebook and left my blog URL there.
For the next few days, I was floored by the support and messages across the globe. From Sweden to Canada to Hong Kong, people are sharing their experiences, thoughts and warm wishes with us.
I am not alone in this journey. I am wrapped around by kindness, love and humanity.
They might not cure my pain. But they sure touched and warmed my heart and soul.