It’s Spring Break. I should be excited. I should be playing outdoor or binge watching Netflix and do nothing.
Instead, I’m feeling nervous and anxious. A simple group meeting or any exchanged conversations with classmates would make me unease. I tracked every word I said/wrote. I am seeking for ‘approval’. I’m worry about how people judge me. I don’t want people to think I am slacking around or not contributing to any projects.
I am tired of pulling a ‘racism’/’sexism’/ ‘leanIn’/’management guru’ checklist to whatever communication I’ve encountered. And I try to keep my vow with my baby that I should have a new set of eye to see this world differently. I tried to seek the most comfort in all situation. But sometimes, I just have to bite my tongue and to defend my work. I won’t be shy giving you my feedback, if you give me the invitation.
But I am tired. Probably because I’ve been thinking too much. I’ve been too sensitive. And I’ve been making a lot of judgement to others and to myself.
I just want to lay down and to feel the Summer breeze.