Restless Journey: Finding a Place to Fit In But Not to Settle

A story of a Harvard student going through IVF

The Fear

Disbelief.

A week from now, I will gain a new title: Harvard Alumni. But what exactly does that mean?

3 weeks ago, I was anxious and nervous about the progress of all my projects and deadlines. I thought I would be at ease as soon as I submitted my last paper of my academic year. But after going through numerous job interviews, the fear has just began.

I don’t like any of the companies I’ve been talking to. I don’t even like the idea of being employed. After working for more than 15 years, rolling my sleeves doing the most impossible, there are folks out there who still think that you deserve to be their front soldiers. All they want is to smoke the cigar in their corner office while having you to be their best ‘project manager’, putting off fire for them.

I am not even wasting my time telling them they are racist, sexist living in a bubble called ‘bias’.

At the last lecture, professor said “the toughest work isn’t here (classroom). The toughest job is OUT there.”

The fear I am getting isn’t about me being ‘unemployed’. My fear comes from the fact that I’m finally stepping out of my comfort zone and starting my own venue.

After all these years of unconfidence and self-doubts, I now choose to fulfill the vow I made to my child, that is “I’ll put my happiness and comfort above all”.

Though the future is unknown, I know that I’m being truth to myself. I vow not to disvalue myself.

 

1 Comment

  1. Olivia, I just found all of your most recent posts. Call me “Not skilled with technology!” I wondered why you wrote so beautifully about your experiences and then stopped. Now I know you didn’t stop. I just wasn’t finding them. I am pleased to have them now because it always makes me happy to know a little more about what is going on inside your head and your heart.

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