Author: Skylar Grace (Page 3 of 6)

This is a letter to my future children:

I might never meet you. You might not exist after all. But I have the urge to write this letter to you, even though I am NOT a parent yet at this point.

The world around us is full of unknown. From the scientific point of view, we are having some serious climate change, in which we might encounter more natural disasters in coming years. We have a new president elect, who is known for his nazisum, zero political wisdom, lack of empathy and countless childish behaviors…We are still in wars. There are people suffering and dying every day. Our world is still very much unjust and people are talking about migrating to Mars.

So, in case one day you might ask “Ma’ma, why did you choose to bring me to here?” All I can tell you is that, you are the symbol of hope and love, despite our world is chaotic and in full mass.

Yes, I know this answer might seems irrational. And the decision to bring you here carries tremendous amount of risks (even to my own health)…Yet, your papa and I still believe that even in darkness and crisis, we still have our very own liberty to create joy in our lives. And there is nothing more joyful than your arrival.  Whether we are in times of crisis or good fortune, we still believe that each and every one of us can harness our destiny and power. You will inherit our wisdom and put them in good use.  You will have the fresh perspective of this universe as our faith and love are embedded in you, even before you are born.

I swear to God that what I am confessing isn’t from the Star War’s script (I hope you know what Star War means in your generation). It is straightly from my motherhood’s instinct, something that it grows on me since I lost your old brother/ sister earlier this year. We live in the world (Silicon Valley) where everyone is obsessed with the ideology of entrepreneurship. But let me tell you, the process of becoming a parent, in my opinion, is the most entrepreneurial spirit one can ever have. There is no mathematical formula to predict the risks of parenthood. It is because the risk is indefinite. Yet, millions and millions of folks chose to become parents every day. I guess their reasons are similar to mine.

I hope you will have the courage and spirit to create your own destiny; I also hope that, within your capacity, you can share your joy and wisdom to those in need.

Love,

Ma’ma

—

If I Ain’t Got You  By Alicia Keys

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things define what’s within
And I’ve been there before, and that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that’s the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you

Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, yeah

If I ain’t got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don’t mean a thing
If I ain’t got you with me baby

Traveling is good for both physical and mental. I flew back to Hong Kong last month to attend a family member’s funeral service. Though losing a relative is tough, the bittersweet is that I have another opportunity to gather with my family and closed friends.

Like last time, I went by myself (mainly because my hubby is too busy to company).

My mentor always said “you have to advertise to the employers that you survive in US all by yourself with no family around!” Interestingly though…I didn’t realize the normality of lunching with your best friends and/or booking tables for dinner with family members till I was in Hong Kong. The feeling of being surrounded by familiar faces, especially those whom you are so closed to, struck me every day when I was home (HK). People meet up with their friends after work. Family members check in each other regularly. And when there is tragedy or celebration, family and friends come to you….

That’s how people live! I guess I miss out a lot, ever since my husband and I came here as an exchange student 20+ years ago. We built our career, we each find our way to expand our network, we gain our footing in this foreign land all by ourselves. It is uneasy but I think we did it well.

But, we only have each other….

Not saying we don’t have friends and long distance relatives (only his, not mine) in US, yet, I started to wonder if I have become too dependent on my husband, the only ‘family member’ I have here in US.

When I read about how other women recovered from miscarriages / child birth drama, they often mention about their parents, relatives, closed friends and how they came together to ease the pain…I begin to wonder what my life would be if I didn’t leave for US 20 years ago. What would I do if I chose to stay in Hong Kong back in 1998? What kind of clothes would I be wearing? How would I look? What would I be doing for living? Would I live with my parents? Would I even be close to my family at all?

I remember a year prior to becoming an exchange student in Alabama, I created a little ‘plan b’ for myself. I called it an alternative path in case I did not get accepted by any US college. The plan would be returning to Hong Kong and to attend The Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts, potentially majoring in Drama / Directing. I also planned to stay close with my boss and producers at RTHK (Radio Television Hong Kong) for job opportunities. Now I look back, I have to praise the 17-year-old me for her dedication. I know it wasn’t easy at all and yet, she knew best.

I know deep down, it would be a good plan. Drama has always been my passion since grade school. I spent more time screen writing and directing plays than studying. I was on the stage every day; I would argue with my best friends for every details about the story line. Even when I attended high school in Florida, I joined the forensics team to interpret poems and to perform on stage. It was liberating and fun. I knew my ‘plan b’ would still work if I had to come ‘home’.

As you already knew, I ended up continuing my education in US and the rest is history.

I was riding the subway in Hong Kong the other day and I was trying to imagine what kind of person would I become if the history was rewritten. This is what I know for sure:

I would be looking down on my phone the entire time and minding my own business while riding the subway.

I would be in some trendy clothes, although it might look odd to some people.

I would probably living by myself in a tiny apartment or renting it with a closed friend.

I would be producing, directing and acting days and nights and skipped most of the family events.

I might meet a lot of friends through work but never become close.

I would not rest.

I would travel a lot and not saving much money.

I would be drinking a lot, although I can’t tolerate alcohol well.

I would go protest (if I have time).

I would stay single because I didn’t meet Jackson, my husband.

Therefore, I would feel incomplete because of that =)

The Atlantic has recently published JFK’s 1935 Harvard application. It is fascinating to see how the school’s application process has evolved in the past 8 decades. Though JFK’s essay revealed that social status and personal connection were primarily the keys to Harvard admission, which might still be the case in today’s world, I think it is (nearly) fair to say that our school is now valuing more about prospective students’ appetite on solving the world’s problems and their EQs.

The essay Qs I was given during my admission was the following:

” Write an essay describing a challenging situation or interaction you faced. In this essay, please tell us the background on the situation or interaction, who was involved, your role, and the end result. Please note that positive outcomes do not always make the most compelling essays.” (2 pages MAX)

I am not here to prove to you that my application essay was the model answer. Rather, I want to share with you my personal story, in which it has sharpened who I am today.

My Choice Reflects My Hopes, Not My Fears

At the age of 18, I left Hong Kong and came to a small town in Alabama. I was told that the upcoming year would be adventurous and joyful because Guin High School was ready for an exchange student like me.

I arrived at midnight to a cold and empty airport and was greeted by my host mom, Kristin. During the long and quiet ride home, Kristin’s only conversation was to tell me that she had an 8 year old daughter. To this day, Kristin’s background is still a mystery. I don’t understand why she applied to be a host family. She was never interested in my culture or education.

Little did I know my whole world would change again overnight. Kristin told me she was unemployed, broke and needed to move in with her father, who lived in Niceville, Florida. My suitcases were not yet unpacked, but I had to move again. Facing an unknown future, I was scared. No one in Alabama knew I had left and no one in Florida was expecting me. It was not the exchange program experience I had foreseen.

After a 6-hour road trip, we arrived at Kristin’s father’s home. My new host grandfather was a Vietnam War veteran with post-traumatic stress disorder. He was shocked and unprepared to ‘adopt’ me. I was no longer the exchange student on a mission to experience American life; I was now a foreigner in a mental health patient’s home. My only hope was to survive.

There were days when the house was empty and so was the kitchen pantry. Even though I had a mailing address, the life I was experiencing was that of a homeless person. Starvation became a daily routine. The only access to basic necessities was through school. I grabbed extra food from the school lunch program and signed up for culinary class because making meals was  part of the curriculum. To fight hunger, I even ate my classmate’s leftovers. Just when I thought I could be self-sufficient, my experience took a dangerous turn.

One night, when the grandfather returned home from work, we were alone in the house. He came to the kitchen where I was doing homework and stood extremely close to me. His nose was less than an inch from my neck and I could feel his breath. He kept shouting, “I hate you woman! I have guns in this house!” I tried to escape the kitchen but he blocked me. I asked myself, “Do I have to fight for my life?” I burst into tears. When the grandfather spit in my face, I turned around and threatened him with a kitchen knife screaming, “Stay away from me!” I do not recall how long I held the knife, but he eventually stepped back and left the kitchen. I knew if I did not leave that house, I would not survive.

My plan to escape without alarming the grandfather was to use the school bus. My bus driver never disappointed me. He picked me up every morning at 6 a.m., rain or shine. The night was long and lonely. I put my arms around my suitcase, sat in my room and prayed. The bus arrived and my driver made a joking comment about my suitcase. I choked out, “Get me out of here, please!” The moment the doors of the bus closed, I knew I would be safe. I had overcome fear by taking a leap of faith.

In the end, my year did turn out to be adventurous and joyful. I found a family and friends with whom I have stayed connected to this day. I had empowering experiences traveling and competing with the high school forensics team. I was able to sleep, study and assuage my literal as well as emotional hunger. At the end of the year I received a scholarship to study at the University of Nebraska. Through this experience I learned that I could overcome powerful negative situations, a formative lesson that continues to shape the person I am.