Most of the world is coverd in water. In fact, roughly seventy percent of the earth’s surface is covered in water. When the first images of the planet came back from space during the Apollo missions, people were so struck by the vastness of the oceans that earth was affectionately dubbed the “blue planet.” Even still, humans don’t inhabit the seas. We live on land, and we’ve adapted to a curious style of locomotion optimized for navigating dry, flat terrain. Walking simply doesn’t work in the water. First off, it’s often impossible to stand. Our natural buoyancy keeps us up and off the sea floor. If you want to get any where in the water, and you’ve carelessly left your boat at home, you’ve got to swim.

Just by the numbers, most things swim. Okay, I’m taking some liberty with the numbers. Somewhere in my education, I got the idea that insects out-numbered everyone else about forty-seven million to one. But many of them spend the early part of their lives, either as larvae or nymphs, in water, and I can, without guilt, say they swim. [Perhaps none of what I’ve said happens to be in the strictest sense true. I don’t know anything about the life cycle of insects, nor do I want to learn. Consider the above simply an exercise in rhetoric and deception.]

Now, after nearly two months and twenty-three pounds, I’ve thrown myself back into the water. As the specific heat of water is high, the ocean, with its unpredictable riptides and undercurrents, is especially dangerous and cold this time of year. Luckily, the MAC pool is indoors, heated, and staffed by several certified lifeguards. After about thirty minutes of continuous swimming, my triceps clenched hard. I had to get out of the pool and eat. My hunger took me to Boca Grande for two beef birria enchiladas, rice, and refried beans; Legal Seafood for some scotch and Washington-grown Kumamoto oysters; ending at Border Cafe for two margaritas and some nachos.

DJ told me that I ought to cut carbs from my diet if I want my swimming to show. This morning I had a block on Muenster cheese and some sliced turkey for breakfast. It’s going to be hard finding all the calories I need in protein-rich foods. I guess this means I’ll have to order my double cheeseburgers without the bun. [Don’t worry, I’d never do it.]