A Bizarre Series of Events

Since my last post I’ve pretty much been sticking around the apartment convalescing. The discomfort has morphed from a constant burning, prickling, stinging sensation with a very visible red rash/bumps to a pinkish color and an uncontrollable itch. I supposed that’s improvement, but the itchiness is almost more unpleasant. 

Mike surprised me with a visit yesterday afternoon (bringing along ice cream…mmmmm). Shortly thereafter, Marin also stopped by and we ordered pizza and chatted until about 8:30PM.

My doctor’s office also called on Monday and said that the throat culture from Friday finally came back (it wasn’t available for the emergency room on Sunday when I was released) and it indicated that I have a sort of bacterial throat infection (similar to strep…but worse) that is accompanied by a full body rash.

It doesn’t get much worse than when you tell your mother what the doctor’s new diagnosis is and she decides to do some research on it on-line. My mother, who has very poor internet recent skills, did just that then copy/pasted the following into an email for me:

“Pharyngeal Gonorrhea “- Bacterial Sore Throat–Is a sexually transmitted bacterial disease causes severe sore throat. Gonorrhea in the throat is transmitted by having ORAL SEX with with an INFECTED PERSON”

Of course, reading that was bad enough. But then she added the following text of her own:

Since you & Matt broke up you have been meeting a lot of new people? I sure in hell hope you have been careful????? I love you and don’t want anything to happen to you so please don’t do anything foolish. I said my piece so I will say good night

Love Ya, Mom”

Just shoot me now – my Mom thinks I’m a huge slut. For the record, I’m not a whore. My doctor said this is something I could have developed from riding the subway or simply touching something (and by touching something, please keep your mind out of the gutter).

The next email was from my brother. Now, I should preface this by saying that I’ve never announced my blog to my family. It’s not that I write bad things about them (because I do love them), but because I write about things in my life that I don’t think they’d be interested in (or would want to know, to be honest).

Anyway, my brother was at a benefit concert last weekend (because of the mitochondiral disease that has attacked his family) and a random woman came up to him and told him that she read his brother’s blog entry about Heather’s death. She said it really moved her. My brother went home and apparently googled it himself and, voila, there I was! He said he liked what I had written.

Now I guess I have a new reader. I just hope this doesn’t mean I’ll have to keep things clean from now on.


  1. Comment by Brad on June 7, 2006 9:24 am

    Well, it’s nice to know that your Mother still loves you enough to care. It may not be accurate or what you want to hear, but, in her defense, she’s trying to make sense of a situation which has her worried on your behalf. I think it’s sweet. I’m also glad your brother was moved by your comments on Heather. They indeed were well written and it’s nice to know that he found comfort in them. Am I being too mushy? Sorry. In any case, just get better — soon! You’re missed!

  2. Comment by karyn on June 7, 2006 12:41 pm

    I’m not laughing at your predicament but I swear to GOD I spit my iced tea all over my effing keyboard laughing at what your mom wrote….baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha….. love it . Paul’s a big boy, he wouldn’t read your blog if he was going to be put off by its content. Settle down, Beavis, and give the man some credit.

    I am still laughing at your mom’s comment. Baaaaaaahahahahaha…. hope you feel better…. *snicker* sorry, sorry….

  3. Comment by Veselka Slut on June 7, 2006 2:01 pm

    If it is any consolation, there are those that consider me a huge slut (and not just for Ukranian food at Veselka) and I have never developed your peculiar and disturbing symptoms. Perhaps you did just get it on the subway or something from non-prurient contact?

  4. Comment by Dana on June 7, 2006 2:04 pm

    Wow it is amazing that it took a science lab and who knows how many people to figure out that you were going to break out in a full body rash.

    Mom’s will always be mom’s with all the worrying and trying to give you advice. I understand it comes from changing diapers and the lack of sleep for a few years of their life.

    Family, Friends and Blogs. It is interesting I haven’t really told anyone about my blog. I think if I did it might affect how I write stuff. I don’t want to be too guarded, though you still have to be careful to some degree what you write. Its just nice to write things down for its own sake and not to a specific audience.

    Hope your feeling better soon.

  5. Comment by Will on June 7, 2006 2:18 pm

    OK, good that they now know exactly what it is. Does that mean that now they can get it out of your body any faster? Hugs and best wishes.

  6. Comment by J.P. on June 7, 2006 2:35 pm

    I hope you’re feeling better!

    My family started reading my blog about a year ago, to the point where my mother would print off blog entries and hand them out to her co-workers. At first it freaked me out and had me self-censoring my entries, but a few months ago I just said screw it and write what I write (not that I’m that bawdy to begin with). No one has freaked out, and if anyone has I figure they don’t want to know the real me anyways.

  7. Comment by Rob on June 13, 2006 10:42 am

    Your mom’s kinda fun-knee, but not in a ha-ha-funny kinda way. She’s just being a mother cuz my mom would do exactly the same thing, except in addition to the email, she would call and chew me out as well.

    Good, I’m glad you’re feeling better… oooh, iccceee creeeeam….

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