Objects in This Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear
Or, objects in this blog posting are closer to reality than I’d wish for them to appear.
Yesterday, while I was uploading my happy weekend photos onto this blog, I stumbled upon this photo:
It’s a picture of my niece a week before she died. Not unexpectedly, my mood went from care-free to sad, then to angry and then finally thankful.
I think it was just last week that I blogged about my sister-in-law being in the hospital again (with the same illness as my niece) and how fortunate I was that I’ve been blessed not to have any serious medical issues in my own life. However, looking at this photo again yesterday for the first time in over a year brought back a lot of memories (and a few choked back tears).
The anger is still there (about how this could happen) but there’s also a greater sense of taking advantage of the good health I’ve been given and making the most out of my life. Since her death (16 months ago), I’ve traveled the world, entered into a new and exciting relationship, made new friends, and got a degree from Harvard. I really think seeing her life cut so short really pushed me to live my own life to the fullest.
But the reality is still there; bad things lurk around every corner and the inevitable is, well, inevitable.
I very nearly didn’t post my weekend photos yesterday (the party, the pizza, the cannoli) after stumbling upon this photo, but I didn’t want to bring down my high from the weekend. I think there’s a place for celebration and a place for mourning. And I’m going to do my damndest to give myself more reasons to celebrate. Oh, I’ll still mourn. And I’ll still deal with the shit life throws my way. But I’m not going to let these things stop me from making the most of the one life I have.
Ugh -this posting has become way too “Lifetime TV special featuring Nancy McKeon and Meredith Baxter Birney”. Tomorrow will be more “Golden Girls” – I promise.
6 Comments
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Lifetime wishes it could write as well as you.
You are real and honest, and you living your life is not you forgetting her by any means.
You rock, Karl.
I like your Honesty
Jo was always my favorite.
I don’t know what to say.. That picture brought me to tears. All I could think of is that she was about the same age as my daughter. Sweet, innocent, and at the same time helpless. I couldn’t even imagine going through that. I’m a blithering mess if my daughter hits her head or has a bad cold. Bad things happen to people that don’t deserve it. So wrong..
There are no words.
Love you.
Thanks, everybody. I think that is the most diffiult (to look at) photo I have. The runner-up photo is also of her, shortly before her muscle mass deteriorated and she was confined to a bed. For about one month of her life she was strong enough to walk (with a walker) and my brother caught an image of her standing with the walker with the biggest and proudest smile on her face.
At the time it was taken we never knew how it would end just a few months later.
OK – happy thoughts tomorrow. PROMISE!